Advice for a parent of a 13 year old....

anniemf2508

A small update:
So i've left dd to her own devices and have scrapped the reward chart and things are going ok. I'm trying not to stress about the small things as i have enough other stuff to stress about at the moment.

After all of this tho she is a good kid...she went to a birthday party on Saturday, her and her friends were going shopping first so we gave her £10 to spend. She spent half of it on her little brother (we never asked her to)

jellyhead

She sounds like a lovely girl I'm sure things will get better. Something happens to their brains at that age, it's a bit like being a toddler with lots of new brain connections growing very fast, and it takes them a while sometimes to get settled. I can't remember where I read that though.

bexbex

This is what I expect off my 7 year old never mind a 13 year old...

Beckyy

Spend some quality time with her as friends, not as mother/child. Go out for lunch, or go shopping together, get your hair cut or have a fish pedicure - something nice.

Leave her to her own devices with homework. If she's already ahead then falling back won't hurt her, she'll just have to learn from it. You can't teach her every life lesson out there. Besides, I was never great with homework. I remember sitting up til stupid times some nights because I hadn't got it done, yet I left school with better grades than alot of my friends who's parents were religious about it. If she's clever then the homework won't matter anyway, come to think of it neither do GCSEs in the real world!

faerie~spangles

anniemf2508 wrote: »

A small update:
So i've left dd to her own devices and have scrapped the reward chart and things are going ok. I'm trying not to stress about the small things as i have enough other stuff to stress about at the moment.

After all of this tho she is a good kid...she went to a birthday party on Saturday, her and her friends were going shopping first so we gave her £10 to spend. She spent half of it on her little brother (we never asked her to)

She sounds like a nice kid.

Her room = HER SPACE. Close the door and don't go into her room ever!

Laundry - provide a laundry basket, advise her that ONLY clothes that are in that basket will be done. DO NOT nag about all the stuff that you know should be in it. it is now her responsibility.

If her freshly laundered clothing ends up on the floorwardrobe Don't nag. Give her un-ironed clean clothes the next week.

I would sit her down or go for a burger and apologise to her for treating her like a child of 7. Explain that it is difficult for you to accept that she's becoming a young woman because she will always be your little girl.

The hygiene issues will sort themselves out. Provide her with all the requisite toiletries, her own fluffy towels, AND PRIVACY. You nagging will only prolong the issue.

Homework - No advice. One of mine did it willingly and the other didn't.

jellyhead

Just one question for mums of teenage boys ... do yours actually care if you leave their clothes unwashed and unironed? Mine would just wear them like that! So I have to intervene a bit, because I know from experience that he WILL go into school in smelly creased clothes.

jellyhead

bexbex wrote: »

This is what I expect off my 7 year old never mind a 13 year old...

I used to think like that when my friends moaned about their teenagers, but things change and it's a different parent/child relationship - you have to change the way you approach things if at 13 your child is not the same compliant and eager to please bundle of sunshine that she was at age 7.

I am still much stricter than my friends were, and I do think that they let their kids walk all over them, but now that I have a teen of my own I can see that some of what they were saying was true.

faerie~spangles

jellyhead wrote: »

Just one question for mums of teenage boys ... do yours actually care if you leave their clothes unwashed and unironed? Mine would just wear them like that! So I have to intervene a bit, because I know from experience that he WILL go into school in smelly creased clothes.

In the end I stopped nagging.

Of course the fact that I never mentioned the school clothes lying on the floorwardrobe all weekend and no clean school clothing for Monday may have tipped the balance in my favour. :rotfl:

System

I must admit my son is one on his own. Hygiene is very important to him. Every second morning he has a shower and washes his hair (sometimes every day if he's been on his skateboard or is going out). His teeth are cleaned religiously twice a day. When he uses the toilet he washes his hands without being prompted.

On Mondays and Fridays i vacuum the bedrooms and each Monday and Friday morning before school he picks up all the bits and peices i would have to move to vacuum his room thoroughly as ive threatened that if he doesnt, i wont vacuum or dust his room.

My daughters were pretty hot on hygiene but my other two sons had to be nagged into it.... and nagging is something i did well.:D

Mumto5

I have read this thread with interest. I have 2 untidy teenagers both have wash baskets in their bedroom. Both don't use them. Periodically they will bring the entire contents of their floordrobe down to the utility room. This usually includes the clean washing I have placed on their beds. It gets tipped on the floor when they go to bed and joins the floordrobe.

This gets broken down into 5 - 6 wash loads. Given that a washing machine cycle takes 1 hour 20 minutes that is at least 7 hours feeding the washing machine. It's the lack of respect for my time that gets me annoyed. They now take their washing directly to their grandmother who lovingly washes and irons their clothes - the same clothes that end up on the floor unworn and the cycle repeats itself.

Good Luck OP. I hope you make some progress with you DD.