Advice for a parent of a 13 year old....

jellyhead

Once they get to the age where they want to hang around HMV etc. with friends and go to the cinema, buy mcdonalds etc. on a Saturday they need to earn their pocket money - take the pocket money away if she won't do what's expected of her. Also restrict phone credit, internet access etc.

What you really want is for her to realise the reasons why you want her to do the things on the list. Personally I wouldn't care about the bed - it doesn't HAVE to be made. Some of the things on the list will seem harsh to her, so maybe you could chat about it and compromise. I wanted my son to do extra revision and reading, but the reality was that homework was hard enough so I just let the revision go until he got into years 10 and 11, but by then they give revision and past papers instead of other homework so that was ok.

She might feel hard done to (well, she's 13 so she will think that anyway!) if she feels that she has lots more jobs and responsibilities than her friends.

My son has a laundry basket in his room. He has to empty it on a friday into the main basket upstairs, and it MUST contain his uniform, and none of the clean things I gave him to put away a few days ago.

jellyhead

As for the hair - tell her if she doesn't keep it clean she'll have to have it cut short. My son wanted long hair, so he knows the rule - he must wash it frequently. My friend carried through with her threat to shave the head of her smelly unwashed 13 year old, and after that they agreed that he was allowed to choose his own hairstyle if he washed it every 2 or 3 days, but if it got greasy or smelly she would shave his head again.

loulou123

I was the worlds most untidy teenager and my mum gave up even entering my room! Her attitude was - it was my mess so I could either tidy it or live with it! Clothes weren't washed if not in wash basket, and washed clothes were left outside my bedroom door - if I didn't put them away I wore them creased or ironed them myself.

If I didn't do my chores round the house, then she wouldn't do my washing (so I had to do my own, which took longer then my jobs!) But her point was made very clearly - if I wanted her to do things for me (which as a teenager I could do myself) then I had to help with things for her too.

I learnt my lesson pretty quickly (apart from my room which was still a tip!)

Gillyx

I was a messy cow as a teenager, I actually lived in filth, cups and plates all over my bedroom, clothes strewn everywhere. Joke is I had to do my own washing and ironing, and then I'd bring the laundered clothes and throw them on the floor :rotfl: Didn't have the hygene thing though, I was up at 6.30 every morning primping and preening myself to go to school

Nothing my parents done stopped me. I grew out of it, and now I'm actually quite house proud

cottonhead

Please dont take this as an insult but if you give a 13 year old a reward chart perhaps you are also treating her a little bit chidish in other ways or being more naggy than you realise. She might be refusing to follow your instructions just to show her independance. I wouldnt push the chores that much. Perhaps ask if there is another job she would prefer to do so she at least has the freedom to choose it.
With personal hygiene - buy her some nice bath / shower products and does she have an electric toothbrush ? When I got my first one I couldnt stop brushing my teeth it was great and so grown up !

Sambucus_Nigra

anniemf2508 wrote: »

if i'm taking the time to wash her clothes and fold them i'd like to know they are put away properly....i don't want her leaving the house in clothes that look like they've been picked up off the floor cause shes scrunched them up in a drawer.

Next time she does that - she takes responsiblity for washing and ironing them.

Look - the best way of dealing with these issues is to let them think they are choosing the best chores to do. So - choose a couple which you are adamant about. Then offer her a choice - either she does her teeth twice a day, or she does the toilet clean twice a day, or checks and empties all bins twice a day. Her choice. Give her the option you WANT her to do and then two other things you know she will HATE and she is more likely to do the one you want her to do. Failure to do any results in removal of something she really really treasures.

But saying that - choose your battles; an untidy room - well, it's her room. So just pick a few and work on those. Once that battle is won, and she is getting older, pick off a different chore.

jjblondie

Another vote here for not worrying about her room. I have never understood the point in making the bed, so perhaps she shares this opinion. I've been living away from my parents for three years now and my room is still usually a tip, but that's my problem and if I lose things then it is tough on me. Maybe one day I'll be tidy...

I also second the changing of shampoo to a different one, as hair that greasy seems odd. The shower thing is a problem my sister went through, and yes, she smelt for about a year, but she eventually grew out of not washing. No amount of telling her worked, so she may just have to learn the hard way from friends. However, she may also be feeling depressed. When I went through a period of depression I didn't wash my hair for two months :eek: so it's something to look out for. I could also barely be bothered to clean my teeth then either.

Has she got an electric toothbrush? That might make the difference between too much effort needed to scrub them by hand so not doing it, and just having to hold it on the teeth.

Good luck!

anniemf2508

So after reading through the whole thread again this is what i've come up with....
As i said yesterday i will do her washing if its in the basket but i will leave her to put it away and the rest of her room is her responsibility.
We had a chat about the hygiene stuff and its now up to her what shes does.
She also knows if shes not willing to help round the house then she can't expect us to pay for her Warcraft account each month.
The homework issue is the only thing we need to work on tho....we've had to contact her teachers this week as we were worried at the lack of homework shes bringing home....already this morning we've been notified of at least 2 pieces she hasn't done just this week.

gyromain

For one 9 month period I had 3 teenage DDs (aged 13 16 19). They are now all in their 20s (aged 20 23 26). It is like the Harry Enfield character Kevin - only female. On turning 13 you can't even speak to them. Then when they left home and realise how much did for them and how much money you have spent on them they change completely. When visiting home they help with chores around the house unprompted. They ask and listen to advice from their parents. All you have to do is endure the next 7 years!

delain

Seanymph wrote: »

If her hair looks awful that quickly you may need to change the shampoo to get something more suitable for her.

I had very greasy hair as a teen and vosene was (and still is) the only shampoo that was any good, and cheap shampoos make my hair awful, so OP if you are expecting her to use supermarket own stuff it will look bad.

Now vosene do a citrus shampoo for greasy hair, that doesn't even smell strong. I love the smell of original vosene but OH tells me it stinks

Can't help with the behavour though except to say that I wouldn't expect my 9 year old to take a reward chart seriously!