At what age did you allow your child out on his own?

busiscoming2

I understand your concerns but think you are a little overprotective. I would start by letting him stay out the front to play for a bit longer until it gets dark/bedtime/homework time. I would also want to know if he was nipping to the shop, really just to get him to realise you need to know of his whereabouts as you are responsible for him.

If you let him go 5 mins away just as much could happen to him there as anywhere. I don't advocate just hanging around the town, especially in the evenings but most kids do behave themselves and have no trouble.

All I can say is thank god for the mobile phone - at least you are able to contact each other instantly if need be.

cottonhead

I think at that age I would allow him to go so long as I knew who with and that he had a phone I could contact him on and money for emergencies. Would also set some ground rules about where he could and couldnt go. Sometimes kids get into trouble because the plan deviates from what it was meant to be and they dont think it through properly. Ie one kid suddenly suggests they go on somewhere else or thinks its fun to get some alcohol etc so I would talk through some ground rules then give him a trial run with a penalty if he doesnt abide by the rules. I am a firm believer you have to earn trust.

Penny-Pincher!!

Would he know what to do in an emergency? Have you played out scenarios with him? If you have and you trust him and he's mature enough then allow him. If he messes about or breaks curfews etc, then discipline accordingly. All kids need boundaries, you just need to make them a little looser gradually, so they grow and learn.

thatgirlsam

The problem is that if you don't let him gain a bit of independance and develop some 'street sense' then you are actually not protecting him at all! Unless he develops some of these skills soon then it will actually be far more dangerous when he does go out on his own

My dd is 12, she has been walking to school alone since 10, goes to town with her friends, about a 15 min walk - or she gets the bus to meet them. My friend has a 17 year old that can't get on the bus alone - too scared! I really don't want that for my dd.

No cinema in our town but I will happily drop them off and pick them up as needed.

CATS

All replies make sense. He does travel to and from school by himself, he does go cinema, bowling on his own. He has a phone and I always give him money when he goes out. Ok, I will test the town centre by letting him go there one of these weekends, if something happens I am only 10 mins away

Thank you all, I guess I knew I was being overprotective, I will try to slowly change that

Lunar_Eclipse

CATS wrote: »

He has recently asked if I could take him and his friends and drop him off at Thorpe park and then collect them in the afternoon, I am not sure if he is too young for that also ?:o

I think that is a perfectly reasonable thing for a child in Y8 to be doing. Presumably he would have a phone and some money with him.

We all have different thoughts on this, but given everything you've said, particularly about things being on your doorstep, in does sound like you are being over protective. I noticed a huge change in independence during Y6, the year children turn 11. The boys, in particular, often spent a portion of every Saturday going into town (a 2mile walk) with friends, for a swim and lunch and slow wander home playing in parks with a football. The girls weren't as keen to venture out, although my daughter, Y7, does meet friends in town occasionally. She might need to take trains or a bus to do this as well.

cannyscot_2

I do empathise it is torture because you worry so much! but I have 3 all by IVF . I am overprotective! My eldest has just got a place at Uni 6 hours away from home . In the last year I have had to really push her out of her and my comfort zone as next year she will be on her own and has to be able to cope. I know now I have been too over protective and with my youngest -age 10 I am starting early and ensuring he has the skills I did not let the eldest learn.

tiff

Its funny I agree with most posters but I have an 11 y/o dd (12 in August) who I dont let into town with her friends. I will drop her off at a swimming pool or the cinema and pick her up later but I dont see that she needs to be wandering round town just yet. To be fair she has never asked to do it, maybe next year when she is 13 but she knows I will allow things as she gets older.

I'm not an overprotective parent in the least but I do think some parents let go too soon, which brings its own problems in that the children grow up too quickly because theyre allowed to do things that older children are doing.

miss_hh

Its so hard being a parent and letting go is even harder. Give him a little more freedom in stages. You will get use to it eventually.

For my own children, it was when they entered secondary school (11/12) that I began giving more freedom. My older daughter is so mature and responsible that I had no concerns, however my younger daughter still has my heart jumping in my mouth. SHe is 13 now and my older daughter is 15. They both have a curfew of 10pm weeknights (though they only allowed out 2 school nights) and they have a curfew of 10.30 at weekends. This seems to be in line with their friends.

coinxoperated

Don't smother him! Growing up my mum was frantic about where I was and what I was doing. She never gave me a chance to build up her trust, therefore I lied to her to get round things.

At 14 she wouldn't allow me to visits friends houses until she has 'vetted' them and spoken with their parents! It was so embarresing as nobody else seems to have that problem, which later resulted in my lying about where I was which was so much more dangerous. I even met some people off the internet, but she wouldn't of had a clue.

I met a lot of people who did drugs, drank all day etc etc and made the right decisions not to get involved in these things and to steer clear. You just need to try and trust him. Ok, if he breaks the trust (doesnt answer his phone and gets home late) I would come down in full force and go back to basics. But you have to give them some rope.

Good luck! Make sure they have a mobile phone with credit and battery. No excuses!