At what age did you allow your child out on his own?

FBaby

gingin wrote: »

My son is 12 and it is hard as a parent to give him freedom but I do do it, because it's my problem not his.

I totally agree with this. It is this reasoning that made me say yes to my boy. I felt confident that he was fine walking on his own, it was my own anxieties made me want to say no, it was safer for me rather than for him.

the_cat

As a general rule CATS, I've found it uncomfortable at EVERY stage where I needed to give more independance. What you are feeling is quite normal

That doesn't mean that you should give in to it though. Your son needs to learn to become a sensible and independant teen and keeping him at home is stopping that from happening.

mrbrightside842

I wouldn't expect him to be playing out where you can see him and have to ask to nip to the corner shop. I'd want to know if he was going in to town, but I think it's overprotective having him come in and ask if he can go to the corner shop 2 mins away. I also think 7.30 is early to call him in, too. At 13, his friends won't be hanging around for him - if they want to go in to town and they're allowed, they'll go.

FBaby

You need to reason with yourself...what could happen? What could really trully happen? Whatever you come up with which are likely to be a one odd chance out of millions, think of the things he and you do every day which puts you and him much more at risk and yet you don't bat an eye on?

When I told a family member about my DD walking on her own to school, I could tell she wasn't very happy about it. When I mentioned that she was safe, she mentioned the common 'what if someone tries to hurt her'. I replied that this was no more likely than her being injured by a fautly tile falling of a roof, but that would never come to her mind to worry about this.

CATS

heretolearn wrote: »

What is it you are really afraid of? He'll do something really stupid/get lost/go shoplifting/jump into a strangers car?

Hi heretolearn, he really is a sensible boy and I fully trust him not to do something stupid. I guess my real fear is that something will happen to him or that someone might hurt him. For example his friend was walking his dog the other day, not near where we live - he was approached by a group of boys who threaten to stab his dog if he didnt give them his mobile. I have always told my son that if something like this happens, just hand it all over, no point fighting it. This is my real fear and I dont know how to stop that feeling

What age were you allowed out and about?
I think from around 11, but I am a complete different story to my son, I was very rebellious and stubborn, he is an angel compared

CATS

Thank you all for your replies. They do make sense and I know sometimes I can be very overprotective.

Now any ideas on how to cope when he actually goes out?

GobbledyGook

You just have to trust in yourself and your parenting that you've equipped him to deal with any bad situations that occur.

My friend was terribly mollycoddled. She wasn't allowed out alone until she was in her late teens and when we were 18 she was only allowed to go to a nightclub if her Dad picked her up. The big problem was the first time she was approached by a drunk bloke getting a bit lairy she had no idea how to handle it because she'd never needed to. Same as the first time we missed our bus home one night she panicked majorly because it had never happened to her before.

We can't (and shouldn't) stop our children facing difficult situations and dangers. Our job is to teach them how to deal with it. The more experience they have with smaller problems the better they'll deal with something big and unexpected imo.

j.e.j.

I guess to be fair, CATS, we don't know whether the area or environment where you're living is what you'd call 'safe'. I've lived in places where even as an adult I was loathe to go out, for fear of mugging, stabbing, etc.. But not everywhere is like that. I guess you just need to try and take a step back and be realistic.

You don't want him rebelling or going to the other extreme, which is something which could happen if his parent(s) are too over-protective. A colleague I used to work with eventually had to leave her parents completely, because at 22 they still wouldn't even let her get the train on her own :eek:

heretolearn_2

'This is my real fear and I dont know how to stop that feeling.'

I totally understand but you need to accept you will get that feeling whatever age you start letting him out and about. IT's just something you get used to and after a few times it wears off and you settle down. You just have to get on with it. Otherwise you'll have to keep him locked in your house until he's at least 60 :-)

pollys

CATS wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies. They do make sense and I know sometimes I can be very overprotective.

Now any ideas on how to cope when he actually goes out?

As a mum of 4 I know exactly where you are coming from. It is hard "letting go" and normal to worry when they are out with friends, but please let him go. The more he does the easier it will get for you. He'll return safe and sound and your confidence in letting him have a little more freedom will grow. Before long you will enjoy having a bit of time to yourself whilst he is with his friends having a great time.

Pollys