At what age did you allow your child out on his own?

the_cat

CATS wrote: »

Now any ideas on how to cope when he actually goes out?

Recognise that the actual danger is tiny. He is to go 15 minutes away with friends. He has a mobile and can contact you if needed. He is in a shopping centre in the middle of the day which is absolutely FULL of people. Just what can realistically go wrong? And if you were there, what impact would you really have

Each time he get to do something extra you will still feel uncomfortable. Recognise it will happen. My 15 year old was let loose without teachers in the middle of Beijing last year, haggling with the natives for treasures to bring home!! Sorry, but it doesn't get easier!

gingin_2

CATS wrote: »

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Now any ideas on how to cope when he actually goes out?

Other than a working phone and emergency money in his pocket ( that I expect back when he returns ) you have to start giving him rope and enjoy the peace. Like everything, it gets easier with practise.

I like a cheesey tv show and a glass of wine myself

patchwork_cat

IMO yes you are being over protective, but I don't know your son our your town. My DD went into town with older friends from Yr 7, in fact as she made her way home on public transport from secondary school that was the year that we let her have more freedom. I made sure she had a mobile phone with credit.

However having said that we all worry, I have a real problem letting her travel in cars with other adults, so we all struggle!

My DS went to away to University last September and I worried how I would cope, but you do.

Bluemeanie_2

You are being far too overprotective, not to let him go shopping in town at 13. It's a bit excessive making him come in at 7.30pm too. If you don't let him out more, he may rebel. Build up his maturity by letting him into town once, ask him to phone once, and be back by a certain time. If he breaks the rules then he will break the trust.
Not that I want to encourage this but some boys are Dad's by 13!

Off topic, what I seem to find with 13/14 year old boys, they are still either small little skinny boys, or massive, deep voiced muscly! Making massive generalisations of course! I was talking to a work colleague the other day who's son plays Rugby and her 13 year old is one of the skinny less (physically) mature ones and is getting knocked around loads. Sure his time will come.

onlyroz

I was allowed out with friends from around age 10, and on my own from 12 or so. A secondary school age child should certainly be able to get themselves to and from school on their own, and I would have thought they would be capable of getting a bus etc to the nearest town on their own as well.

newgirly

Hi, i have twin boys (plus a teenage daughter) who are 12 in summer, they walk to school, but I have only just started letting them outside to meet friends, i would not want them out in the evening on the streets though, sorry if that sounds a bit OTT to some, if they have somewhere to go or something to do then thats fine, but just hanging around street corners at night is not something I want them to be doing.

If it were me I would compromise with the theme park, take them, stay there yourself and arrange a lunch time meet up , but give them the freedom to go off on their own for a few hours. Everyone is different and you need to give them freedom but at a rate you are comfortable with, what other parents do with regards to their kids does not have much influence with me, often kids exagerate what their peers are allowed to do anyway.;)

lostinrates

At your sons age i was at boarding school most of the time, but nopt always. At school we were allowed to go to the shops, taken on a minibus to places then left to wander with a meet up point and time. Or we could arrange to go somewhere with a friend/s and get dropped at a train station if parents approved. When not at school i and my best fried would walk to a train station, crossing a dual carriageway over a bridge, get on the train and go to large towns/cities and London.

Perhaps your son could start by arranging to go to the busy shopping area with a friend/ group so you know he is not a lone?

I think you are probably a wonderful mother, very loving, but need to prepare you son for a life of independance. If he has money or a phone to phone home this will be a valuable part of parenting him at this stage of his life i think.

Caveat to that is thar i am not a parent.

Bluemeanie_2

newgirly wrote: »

Hi, i have twin boys (plus a teenage daughter) who are 12 in summer, they walk to school, but I have only just started letting them outside to meet friends, i would not want them out in the evening on the streets though, sorry if that sounds a bit OTT to some, if they have somewhere to go or something to do then thats fine, but just hanging around street corners at night is not something I want them to be doing.

If it were me I would compromise with the theme park, take them, stay there yourself and arrange a lunch time meet up , but give them the freedom to go off on their own for a few hours. Everyone is different and you need to give them freedom but at a rate you are comfortable with, what other parents do with regards to their kids does not have much influence with me, often kids exagerate what their peers are allowed to do anyway.;)

I agree with what I've reded. I was never allowed to hang around street corners. I was allowed over to friends or to play sport at the park or to play in the fields with friends though on our street. And was allowed to go into town to shop.

Edwardia

6 - was allowed to walk to primary school with friend living in same road Summer mornings.
10 - allowed to go to local town on bus with brother. We moved and he had to do bus terminus to bus terminus journey home from primary school at 10
13 - allowed to go to London and France as commuting 100 miles a week to/from school by train, spoke fluent French and went on bus 1.5hr journey to go riding Saturdays where I racketed around on 16hh ex racehorse and went pub crawling on same horse for half pint of shandy

So do think you're being a tad overprotective. But make sure you have taught him abt stranger danger, Would you feel better if he did karate ?

Spendless

CATS wrote: »

Hi heretolearn, he really is a sensible boy and I fully trust him not to do something stupid. I guess my real fear is that something will happen to him or that someone might hurt him. For example his friend was walking his dog the other day, not near where we live - he was approached by a group of boys who threaten to stab his dog if he didnt give them his mobile. I have always told my son that if something like this happens, just hand it all over, no point fighting it. This is my real fear and I dont know how to stop that feeling

When you think it, identify it in your mind by saying (in your head) 'fear' and then think about something else and not let your mind dwell on 'what if.......'. It took a Personal Development course for me to be able to do that (tho mine wasn't relating to the same issue as yourself) and I still hope one day that I won't even get the feeling in the first place.