Relationship trouble

SomersetSaver

poppyboopoppy wrote: »

We both have houses so we spend most of the time at his place nowadays. We used to always stay at mine but just before Christmas he asked me to stay at his and we could rent mine out.
We haven't rented mine out yet as i still have lots of things there that need sorting out but we will get there.
.

It may be nothing but is there any way he could think YOU'VE got cold feet as you haven't got round to "properly" making the commitment i.e. gone ahead and rented your house out?
Perhaps you could draw up a list of things doing that you can do together and use that as a way of determining whether he is serious about taking it to the next stage of properly living together.
And was there any particular reason why he suddenly wanted to stay at his house instead of yours? and could it be a clue as to what's going on at the moment?

And just because he's being off with you doesn't mean it's personal - it could be just because you're there. I often think my OH is upset over something I've done when he's like that but it's usually that he's just upset and doesn't want to talk about it (and has gone into his cave until he's worked it out).

Hope you manage to sort things out.
SS

poppyboopoppy

Its so hard trying to get through to him, i'm not going to give up on him although i think i will suggest me moving back to mine until we can sort it out. If that doesn't make him open up i don't know what will.

Thanks for taking time to comment i know theres only the two of us that can sort it out but its nice to hear other points of view. My friends just say leave him and get a new one which isn't very nice but they are all men haters lol

piglet74

Where is the ring now?

poppyboopoppy

no idea where the ring is, i do know where the receipt is.
I'll wait until the weekend and try to talk again so he can't say hes tired.

Mojisola

poppyboopoppy wrote: »

I'll wait until the weekend and try to talk again so he can't say hes tired.

Put the ball in his court - "We need to talk but I know you're often tired so can you tell me a good time."

piglet74

poppyboopoppy wrote: »

no idea where the ring is, i do know where the receipt is.
I'll wait until the weekend and try to talk again so he can't say hes tired.

i am not being mean when i ask this, but was it defo a ring for you?

6 months is a long time to keep a ring tucked away is it not?

System

Maybe he just doesnt see the need.

When i met my husband he pushed and pushed me to marry him. Then i got pregnant and i think that was the commitment he needed to be honest because he stopped pushing me to get married. I then had a miscarriage early in the pregnancy and he started pushing me to marry him again.

Lancslass1982

Uh oh "mid-life" crisis time. I know so many guys who go a bit "funny" around 40 years of age. I think reality that they are getting older hits and they start to reassess things.

My ex-fiance started displaying the exact same behaviour. When I pushed him on it he was so reluctant to talk and kept saying "just leave it." He finally told me that he didn't think that we had a future together and that the "spark" had gone. I was devastated for a while, but now I've moved on.

You need to stand up for yourself and let him know how important it is that you talk about any problems/issues. Don't let this drag on. I did for a while and God knows how much longer he would have let it go on for if I hadn't insisted he talk to me.

Good luck!

January20

poppyboopoppy wrote: »

I work too and come home and run around after him so he doesn't have to do anything.

poppyboopoppy wrote: »

if his mate rings to go the local he perks up and goes out after eating whatever i have made for him. This only happens once a week if that but it annoys the hell out of me when i ask to go to the pub hes too tired.

I'm going to be harsh: I think he is taking you for granted. You run around him so he has nothing to do. It's like you are his servant, not his partner. Why? Is he unable to do it? don't you ever feel like you have lost yourself?

From your post, I get the idea that your life revolves around him, so why should he make any effort for you? And then he's too tired to go out with you until his "real" mates ring to go to the pub. It really shows which place you have in his life! Doesn't it?

You need to get a life. Go out with friends. Go to classes, go to the cinema or the theatre. Keep him on his toes. Show him you are not that dependent on him! And yes moving back into your own property for a while might be a good idea.

Lovelyjoolz

January20 wrote: »

You need to get a life. Go out with friends. Go to classes, go to the cinema or the theatre. Keep him on his toes. Show him you are not that dependent on him! And yes moving back into your own property for a while might be a good idea.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Get out and live a little. And when he does start talking and wants to spend time with you again, you could introduce 'date nights', where the two of you go out together and actually enjoy each other's company.

And stop running around after him. You are not his slave and the whole idea of a 'Surrendered Wife' act is just too excruciating to bear. Perhaps this is why he is sulking - you're acting like his mother and he misses his lover?