Looking for help from those with an Asperger partner.

PasturesNew

*Robin* wrote: »

So I'd like to ask the AS people who are affected by insomnia, please: How do you cope with it? Have you found anything - less damaging than alcohol - that works for you?

I just suck it up.... I've never slept. I think the important thing is to not stress about it, not feel any guilt - and to feel completely free to wander about in the middle of the night without feeling you're being watched/monitored and will be cross-questioned about it in the morning, or considered peculiar

It's one of the main issues for me having to live alone ... I would feel trapped in a house (e.g. housesharing, staying the night at somebody's) if I couldn't 'escape' and wander (often outside) - but it could be considered creepy by other people... or annoying.

*Robin*

PasturesNew wrote: »

I just suck it up.... I've never slept. I think the important thing is to not stress about it, not feel any guilt - and to feel completely free to wander about in the middle of the night without feeling you're being watched/monitored and will be cross-questioned about it in the morning, or considered peculiar

It's one of the main issues for me having to live alone ... I would feel trapped in a house (e.g. housesharing, staying the night at somebody's) if I couldn't 'escape' and wander (often outside) - but it could be considered creepy by other people... or annoying.

But can you function efficiently on one or two hours' sleep a night? DH can't; he gets very frustrated when his memory or concentration lapses - which is happening increasingly frequently.

(Until two months ago I was the night-wanderer in this house. Now we both do it.. Not a problem for either of us; DH says having the odd chat as we pass in the night breaks up the tedium for him. The difference is that I can sleep for short bursts and am used to it).

Bitsy_Beans

I have a son with ASD and generally those on the spectrum don't produce enough melatonin so dropping off to sleep can be hard. Eating Foods to help stimulate melatonin might help, stuff like dairy, oats, bananas, almonds etc. likewise exposure to bright light at appropriate times of the day helps so don't have too many bright lights on at home.
This of course doesn't solve the issue of staying awake and I am afraid I don't have any answers to that. Could his restlessness be down to the lack of alcohol?


Humphrey not sure if you are beng deliberately obtuse but if you read Blissfulbabes post she refers to working/living with Aspies as FRUSTRATING as well as wonderful. Parents might well refer to their childs ASD as a gift but you might want to consider the fact that this might also be a coping mechanism. Rather than seeing the disorder as a curse they might practice more positive thinking.
Clearly you've had a bad experience but to suggest that those on the spectrum do as they wish out of arrogance is ludicrous. I try and teach my son the ways to be more NT but it's incredibly hard for him. It involves him masking the stronger parts of his personality which is pretty stressful. Imagine having to spend much of your day pretending to be someone else, keeping up a facade of who you really are. Those on the spectrum can be egocentric which you would put down to arrogance or poor parenting in esrly days when in actual fact it's all part of the disorder.
As for your examples of those on the spectrum not doing something having previously been told some do have trouble with skill transference. That they associate an instruction with a particular instance and due to rigidity of thinking it applies to that instance and not any future ones.

I confess I find your whole attitude rather depressing and makes me wonder (and if truth be told fear) the kind of response my son will encounter as he grows older.

poet123

I can well imagine that living with someone with this disorder is hard and frustrating and requires concrete coping strategies, but as someone who works with those on the spectrum I often find them a breath of fresh air. They are direct and funny and cut to the nub of any matter, but as with anyone they can be nasty and difficult to deal with. Those are human traits and not confined to Aspies.

Humphrey10

Humphrey10 wrote: »

My problem is when they are told what to do to fit in, but choose not to do it out of arrogance. Again this is not all people with Asperger's.

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Clearly you've had a bad experience but to suggest that those on the spectrum do as they wish out of arrogance is ludicrous. I try and teach my son the ways to be more NT but it's incredibly hard for him.

You appear to have missed a sentence when you read my post, I've highlighted it for you to read. I promise you it was arrogance - the person in question took the view that the whole world should be harmed, rather than they having to adjust at all.

I don't care if it's hard - if someone is told 'NEVER EVER hit someone', and they choose to hit someone, they are an evil horrible person. If someone is told, 'NEVER EVER answer the door in your underwear', and they choose to answer the door in their underwear, they are disgusting. Saying 'oh but I'm a magical 'aspie' so it's hard for me not to hit people and expose myself to strangers' is no excuse.

Like poet123, some people are just nasty. I never said all people with Asperger's are nasty. It was just such a horrible experience, it's not something I'd risk again.

Bitsy_Beans

Humphrey10 wrote: »

You appear to have missed a sentence when you read my post, I've highlighted it for you to read. I promise you it was arrogance - the person in question took the view that the whole world should be harmed, rather than they having to adjust at all.

I don't care if it's hard - if someone is told 'NEVER EVER hit someone', and they choose to hit someone, they are an evil horrible person. If someone is told, 'NEVER EVER answer the door in your underwear', and they choose to answer the door in their underwear, they are disgusting. Saying 'oh but I'm a magical 'aspie' so it's hard for me not to hit people and expose myself to strangers' is no excuse.

Like poet123, some people are just nasty. I never said all people with Asperger's are nasty. It was just such a horrible experience, it's not something I'd risk again.

With all due respect there wasn't much about your post that gave the impression you were talking about a single individual, it was all about that individual having AS and then a general moan about parents using a nickname and making their AS kids think they are Gods gift.

Your last sentence just summed up exactly what I thought all along though......you say not all Aspies are like this and yet you aren't prepared to ever risk a relationship with one again, how come if they are not all the same??
And for what it's worth I am not making excuses, just trying to foster a better understanding of how those on the spectrum operate.

Humphrey10

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

you say not all Aspies are like this and yet you aren't prepared to ever risk a relationship with one again, how come if they are not all the same??

One bitten, twice shy and all that. I'm a human, not a robot, yes logically what you say is 100% true, but emotionally I feel I cannot take that risk. No it doesn't make sense, but neither does my fear of blood tests. But what can I say, I'm not perfect.

carerof3

I agree with a previous poster. Try Melatonin
http://www.agestop.net/uk/product_detail.aspx?NAME=MELATONIN-1mg-180-Capsules&PID=20253&OS=210

When my son was young it was only available on mail order from the USA, but now I get it from agestop as above. I take 1 or 2 1mg tablets, my friend (also aspie) takes 1 3mg tablet. Helps me to go to sleep within about half an hour of taking the tablet.

Bitsy_Beans

carerof3 wrote: »

I agree with a previous poster. Try Melatonin
http://www.agestop.net/uk/product_detail.aspx?NAME=MELATONIN-1mg-180-Capsules&PID=20253&OS=210

When my son was young it was only available on mail order from the USA, but now I get it from agestop as above. I take 1 or 2 1mg tablets, my friend (also aspie) takes 1 3mg tablet. Helps me to go to sleep within about half an hour of taking the tablet.

Carer I didn't think you could buy melatonin in the UK, even my GP can't prescribe it it has to be prescribed by a consultant.

carerof3

When my son was young (1995 ish), I imported it from the USA. Then our consultant psychiatrist started prescribing it, and I had to collect it from the hospital, the GP refused, treating it like it was heroin or something. I now take it myself, and as I say, I order it from the company above. It takes ages to come, I think they must order it from the USA then send it to me, but at least I don't have to risk the import duty. It's the same brand as I used to buy years ago.