Child neglect? Advise please

LouLou

The walls in this building are a little weird (apartment block) and I can regularly hear a couple shouting at their kids, but I can't tell which flat it's coming from.

The children sound like tots (toddlers) and they're told by both parents, "F*cking shut up you little b*stard", etc, really out of order stuff I would think twice about saying to an adult!

I always watch my ps and qs around little ones. Whether there is genuine neglect there, though, it's hard to say. It doesn't sound like they're being hit, just talked to like dirt. It really does shock me each time, though.

If I was certain they were being beaten or neglected in any way, I would act..definitely. My concern is, if they are so uncaring and lax about how they speak to their children..is their behaviour towards them the same? Pretty obvious they both have short fuses, but do they act upon their anger?

Instead of saying "Shut Up!" to a child who is barely a babe, I would usually say, "Oh, please, calm down" with a sigh, but that's as bad as I would get. Children only hear anger and it frightens them..an adult can get exasperated but there's no need to cause them alarm.

hermanmunster_3

Some people try "controlled crying" to get the kid to go to sleep at night and settle in bed - usually advised to let the neighbours know in advance,

This kid is still crying and screaming - probably a good thing - when they go very quiet it is because they have realised that it is pointless trying to get a response and tend to become very withdrawn

lally666young

If you call your social services department today, they do have an out of hours emergency service and child welfare is number one. SO they wont hesitate and take the child out of the situation and place them in emergency care.
I used to work in the NHS and the amount of the ones that got away got to me. Infact one child was murdered as a result. Please report this, it isnt normal.
I am a mum to three children and the youngest is comming up 3, so I know it is a stage, my daugther plays up all the time. But this sounds more like physicologal [sorry about the spelling] abuse, which is often the worse type of abuse.
Please ring your local social services department now. And keep us informed.

[Deleted User]

lally666young wrote: »

If you call your social services department today, they do have an out of hours emergency service and child welfare is number one. SO they wont hesitate and take the child out of the situation and place them in emergency care.


I rarely post but had to comment on this.. I'm sorry but this is the type of comments that give social workers a bad name. A child is only ever removed as a last resort and anyway social workers simply do not have the powers to walk into a home and take a child.

I'm certainly not saying this is right at best this father will get some parenting advice and linked up with local services, it would have to be a hell of a lot worse (and I mean a lot) for instant removal and even then it wouldn't be done by a social worker

Racheldevon

Absolutely second the above post - those comments do give social workers a bad name. It's a long long process to get the required evidence to go to legal panel and start proceedings for that process. Families are given many opportunities to access support through local services, and it would need to be considerably higher to meet the threshold required for the removal of children.

Limana68

LouLou wrote: »

The walls in this building are a little weird (apartment block) and I can regularly hear a couple shouting at their kids, but I can't tell which flat it's coming from.

The children sound like tots (toddlers) and they're told by both parents, "F*cking shut up you little b*stard", etc, really out of order stuff I would think twice about saying to an adult!

I always watch my ps and qs around little ones. Whether there is genuine neglect there, though, it's hard to say. It doesn't sound like they're being hit, just talked to like dirt. It really does shock me each time, though.

If I was certain they were being beaten or neglected in any way, I would act..definitely. My concern is, if they are so uncaring and lax about how they speak to their children..is their behaviour towards them the same? Pretty obvious they both have short fuses, but do they act upon their anger?

Instead of saying "Shut Up!" to a child who is barely a babe, I would usually say, "Oh, please, calm down" with a sigh, but that's as bad as I would get. Children only hear anger and it frightens them..an adult can get exasperated but there's no need to cause them alarm.

There is something called EMOTIONAL ABUSE aswell you know- this can harm a child long term just as much as physical abuse.

Taadaa

If Baby P and that 9 year old African girl are anything to go by, I'd say it was inaction and incompetence that gets social workers a bad name.

Hope you reported this OP.

LadyMorticia

It's one thing to allow a child to "scream out" (for lack of a better word, but I mean to scream themselves to sleep I guess by tiring themselves out) but it's another to put loud music on to drown it out and to tell them to shut up and verbally abuse them.
I agree with the others and would call SS.

As for SS just taking kids away, it's really not as simple as that and they will only do it as a last resort. I was taken into foster care at 14 and the SS did everything they could to try and make sure I stayed with my mum and nan. They tried to initiate a support plan with my mum and to try and support me at school and get my dad involved but none of my family co-operated. Me being taken into care was a last resort, but a necessary one to stop any more harm coming to me.

Andrea07money

If there really is nothing wrong then the parent won't have anything to worry about or hide. I have a 9 month old who is quite a good baby but if someone reported me for something I would be confident that I am a good parent to my child and I'm sure that would be the first and last meeting i had with social services. So at the end of day surely it is better to report it and if all is fine then thats great and if not then social services can work on teaching him how to become a better parent.

carerof3

If you do speak to Social Services, then take note of this thread:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3926407
and ask to remain anonymous.