Getting Married - Security for Wife

Person_one

burnoutbabe wrote: »

If she is not paying anything as no income, towards the mortgage, why should she have any security?

She'd have security of a sort if she was renting, she couldn't be thrown in the streets with no notice which she could as a co-habitee in someone else's home.

You can't rent a place at 10pm on a Friday.

DylanO

Person_one wrote: »

She'd have security of a sort if she was renting, she couldn't be thrown in the streets with no notice which she could as a co-habitee in someone else's home.

You can't rent a place at 10pm on a Friday.

She'd have to pay rent then.

And you can rent a place at 10pm on a Friday - they're called hotels.

DylanO

Alarm bells are ringing for me, loud and clear. It's almost as if she knows how to play you - she's financially irresponsible and has decided that you need to provide her with security before marriage, probably because she thinks you'll see through her by the time you come to marry.

While you're being sensible about the entire thing, she's not. Her motivation is clearly your assets, while yours is clearly your relationship. I would hope that you keep a clear mind and don't hand over half of all you've worked for, because I feel positive that the minute she has it, she'll change and you'll regret it.

Person_one

DylanO wrote: »

She'd have to pay rent then.

And you can rent a place at 10pm on a Friday - they're called hotels.

Not a nice thought though, is it? That you can have a big row and find yourself locked out with the clothes on your back and no right to be let back in.

I say rent together (both names on the tenancy) until you no longer feel the need to protect yourself from the woman you supposedly love.

DylanO

Person_one wrote: »

Not a nice thought though, is it? That you can have a big row and find yourself locked out with the clothes on your back and no right to be let back in.

I say rent together (both names on the tenancy) until you no longer feel the need to protect yourself from the woman you supposedly love.

It's not a nice thought, but it's a lot nicer when you consider that she has paid nothing towards her living expenses - then it's not quite as you would like to paint it.

Person_one

DylanO wrote: »

It's not a nice thought, but it's a lot nicer when you consider that she has paid nothing towards her living expenses - then it's not quite as you would like to paint it.

Oh, so if she doesn't pay rent then its fine, she deserves that?

I'm sure she'd be paying something, just not the mortgage.

Relationships should be like communist states, from each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

DylanO

Person_one wrote: »

Oh, so if she doesn't pay rent then its fine, she deserves that?

I'm sure she'd be paying something, just not the mortgage.

Relationships should be like communist states, from each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

That's not what I said, is it? But that is the risk she takes, a risk with significant benefits to her.

The OP has already said that she pays nothing.

You may have that opinion, and many may share it, but it doesn't make it any more valid than other choices and agreements. You have a very dogmatic view of relationships - your view may well suit your relationship, but not everyone is in your relationship.

Kynthia

I think you're being very sensible as many couples avoid looking at the finances of the relationship and the risks because it's not 'romantic'. This is how many end up in trouble when there is a break-up. I agree itih you that when you are married and have made that legal and moral committment to each other then it's joint everything all the way, but until then you should be careful mixing your finances.

If you want your partner to own part of the new property but not half then you can complete a Deed of Trust which allows you both to specify the percentages of ownership. I currently own 80% of a property. I'm pretty sure you can use the Deed of Trust even when the other person isn't on the deeds or mortgage but a solicitor will confirm this. You shouldn't have a joint mortgage with someone who isn't your spouse and isn't financially able to contribute as they are entitled to half the equity should you split and may be able to secure debt against the property.

I hope you work out something that suits you both.

zcrat41

I think you're being really sensible to look at it now.

In your situation I wouldn't dream of sharing anything until you were married and you were both prepared to make that lifetime commitment. She shouldn't need any security until you have children, she should be building up her own, not relying on you.

Marriage is way different to cohabiting (especially I think in the sense you view it) and things should only change then

Padstow

There is some good information in the link below including a living together agreement example. Definitely needs a trip to a solicitor, £200 spent now could save you thousands in the future.
If your girlfriend wants security now, she could always get a secured tenancy in a shared house. life's a trade off I'm afraid, she wants to live with you so she'll have to settle for less security than if she had a rent book.
She should also be contributing something, not that you need her money, but it's the right thing to do.
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/living_with_a_partner_or_spouse?SQ_DESIGN_NAME=print