Getting Married - Security for Wife

pjcox2005

Doberman - I think the question is perfectly normal and surprised at responses. Just because you see a relationship having a future and one day marriage, doesn't necessarily mean you hand over everything you've earnt now.

I'd probably suggest that given her credit rating, lack of finance that you would be the sole owner of the property. This will change on marriage and you could always draw up a will leaving it to her should anything happen to you (although whether she would have income to meet repayments on the mortgage may be another matter).

You can review the position if circumstances change e.g she starts to earn a salary.

doberman100

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

No that's not how it works. You decide what percentage each of you owns upfront when you buy, it's not worked out retrospectively based on how much each person has paid.

I'm not sure how/if marriage affects that.

I think we can say officially that I know nothing.

doberman100

pjcox2005 wrote: »

Doberman - I think the question is perfectly normal and surprised at responses. Just because you see a relationship having a future and one day marriage, doesn't necessarily mean you hand over everything you've earnt now.

I'd probably suggest that given her credit rating, lack of finance that you would be the sole owner of the property. This will change on marriage and you could always draw up a will leaving it to her should anything happen to you (although whether she would have income to meet repayments on the mortgage may be another matter).

You can review the position if circumstances change e.g she starts to earn a salary.

Thanks. Yes, I guess that's how I saw things working, as if I'm married and someone is fulfilling the mum role (which I might add HAS been discussed at great length and I am not oppressing my lover) then I've got no problem with half ownership since that's how it's supposed to be when married isn't it? You're a team. I was just uneasy about handing over property by just cohabiting that's all, and I don't think that's irrational or indicative of some dark secret, in my view. My posting on there is probably indicative of how many friends I have to talk to right now - lol.

savingqueen

picnmix wrote: »

Firstly congrats on your upcoming marriage!

Could your partner not go on the mortgage anyway if you are going to buy a new place together? When I got married I had savings etc, we used that for the deposit and I paid the solicitors fee's etc, at the time I earned more than my DH, that has changed over the years, so swings and roundabouts.

This is what we did. When we applied for a joint mortgage a few months before we married, I had savings (from the sale of my flat) and out of those paid for a decent deposit, all the costs associated with buying a house, moving costs, starting up in new home costs as well as our wedding costs and I paid all DH's debts so we could start with a clean slate before starting a family. We had no problem with that at all. The house deposit for example was 'our deposit' .

Now I earn nothing at all as a SAHM and DH's salary (not DH) pays for everything. I work as hard as DH -managing our finances, our household and looking after our children's needs - I just don't earn an income. Our mortgage is in joint names, DH's salary plus child benefit is our joint income and everything we own (other than personal items obviously) is ours. Not everyone sees marriage like this but it works for us - our marriage is a joint relationship in every way (we do have our own lives as well as a joint one IYSWIM!)

sq:)

savageHK

doberman100 wrote: »

She doesn't have any savings, or any financial safety net, and this causes her a lot of anxiety.

The prospect of getting married and moving has brought a number of issues to light. She said she would want her name on the house we move into, but I don't know how this could be done unless she pays part of the mortgage and the deposit, solicitors costs, etc. There is no way she'd be able to do this by the way, not in the time frame we are talking.

She has said she is not trying to take what is mine or anything, and I'm certain that is the case, but I do understand her anxiety. I said to her that if we get married she'll get 50% of everything anyway in the case of divorce so that's a safety net

Have you asked why she is so anxious about not having a safety net - i.e. what precisely she's worried about? Is she worried you'll up and leave her with nothing, or that if you die she's going to be left with kids and no money, or something else? Has there been a bad experience in her friend/family circle which she's worried about? Or is she just upset she hasn't managed to save up while she's been studying?

It sounds like without you in the picture, she would have no 'safety net' in any case and no hope of getting one (immediately) either.

Is she younger than you - if so she could save up for her safety net in future once she's finished studying? Unless it's likely that by then there will be kids in the picture, in which case I can see her point - she has no net at present, and won't be able to get one until she goes back to work post-kids. In any case, all of this is guesswork on my part and I think you two need to have some more discussions before making any decisions.

RAS

Before you get too far down this line, can I warn you that if you were to apply for a joint mortgage, because of her credit rating, actually it is unlikely that you would be able to get one. And if you did, it would adversely affect your ability to get any other form of credit.

She need to concentrate on improving her credit rating before you apply for any joint accounts.

doberman100

savingqueen wrote: »

This is what we did. When we applied for a joint mortgage a few months before we married, I had savings (from the sale of my flat) and out of those paid for a decent deposit, all the costs associated with buying a house, moving costs, starting up in new home costs as well as our wedding costs and I paid all DH's debts so we could start with a clean slate before starting a family. We had no problem with that at all. The house deposit for example was 'our deposit' .

Now I earn nothing at all as a SAHM and DH's salary (not DH) pays for everything. I work as hard as DH -managing our finances, our household and looking after our children's needs - I just don't earn an income. Our mortgage is in joint names, DH's salary plus child benefit is our joint income and everything we own (other than personal items obviously) is ours. Not everyone sees marriage like this but it works for us - our marriage is a joint relationship in every way (we do have our own lives as well as a joint one IYSWIM!)

sq:)

This is exactly the sort of thing my girlfriend and I had discussed - i.e. a clean slate when we get married. Our view of marriage is just the same as yours. Maybe what we should do is 'reset' things when we decide to get married. I gues the only difference is my gf won't be able to contribute to the deposit etc, but if we're married then I consider it 50/50 anyway. It's good to hear so many positive stories on this post!

doberman100

savagehoutkop wrote: »

Have you asked why she is so anxious about not having a safety net - i.e. what precisely she's worried about? Is she worried you'll up and leave her with nothing, or that if you die she's going to be left with kids and no money, or something else? Has there been a bad experience in her friend/family circle which she's worried about? Or is she just upset she hasn't managed to save up while she's been studying?

It sounds like without you in the picture, she would have no 'safety net' in any case and no hope of getting one (immediately) either.

Is she younger than you - if so she could save up for her safety net in future once she's finished studying? Unless it's likely that by then there will be kids in the picture, in which case I can see her point - she has no net at present, and won't be able to get one until she goes back to work post-kids. In any case, all of this is guesswork on my part and I think you two need to have some more discussions before making any decisions.

Yes, we've been discussing things in detail, as a sensible couple should do really. It's going well and we're talking about trust, fear, security - all of these things.

BitterAndTwisted

savagehoutkop wrote: »

Have you asked why she is so anxious about not having a safety net - i.e. what precisely she's worried about?

Precisely. She doesn't have her own safety-net at the moment but she wants you to provide one for her plus she has a lousy credit-history. And that's before either of you have rings on your fingers. All she's offering at the moment are a couple of millstones to bring to the party and I'd be reluctant to get into a VERY long-term financial commitment with her without some assurances. Being financially-tied to someone with a questionable credit-history won't do you any good, most especially on your joint mortgage application.

Talk together about every different outcome for your relationship you can think of and what you both agree the solution should be. Then, see a solicitor and have it drawn up as a Deed of Trust. That way, should your relationship not end with marriage and kids you can protect the equity you'll be bringing as a deposit for the new property.

burnoutbabe

you can buy a place together as tennants in common, with her having 10% and you 90% if thats what you are both contributing (or whatever % works out fair).

then change it when married.

If she is not paying anything as no income, towards the mortgage, why should she have any security? she is gaining by having a roof over her head without paying for it. So much better off than if single.Ensure she has a savings account built up with enough money to, say, go and rent a place with 1st months deposit, if it all went wrong. Thats what my boyfriend does, pays what he would do into rent into a "future house purchase fund" for if we buy together. But also means he has a goodly sum for if i suddenly chucked him out.