Hubby left and barely seeing his kids

WickedWitch123

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Have you discussed this with your ex? Have you expressed your concerns to him? Have you asked him to have the children more often/ longer at a time?Is there any good reason why he does not have your youngest until 5.00pm?

Yes 14 is a very difficult age and they go through a lot of emotions but it is for her father to contact her and ask to see her. Perhaps he could ring her and just pop out with her now and again to the cinema or for a meal out etc. rather than her staying over.Even if she says no, at least she will feel that he still cares enough to ask.

Yes, i've tried to "discuss" this for the best part of a year. He blames me 100% for the breakup so has refused to speak to me apart from by text so its really difficult. He texts her every now and again but nothing more.

WickedWitch123

delain wrote: »

Is it him taking DD to church, or do you go whilst she's at his? Could be he just wants to show her off so to speak.

Try asking him to pick her up Saturday morning and arm her with a picnic she helped make to have outside with daddy and some duck bread!

Yes he takes her to church on a Sunday morning and then drops her off straight after. I don't think that going to church for 2 hours is spending quality time with your daughter (just my opinion). He can't even give her her lunch before bringing her back.

CH27

WickedWitch123 wrote: »

Hi, no they weren't particularly. He always tried but more out of duty than any natural affection. I guess i expected this to carry on when he left (its better than nothing) but i was wrong.

As well as not being close she is dealing with the split & possibly resents your ex for leaving.
Your ex could be picking up on this resentment & staying away.

WickedWitch123

Wilma33 wrote: »

I also wondered if he wants to show the people at church what a great dad he is(!).

Yes there is a bit of that i think. Only a few of his church buddies know that he left. The general feeling I think is that i threw him out.

WickedWitch123

Wilma33 wrote: »

Rather than trying to encourage your DD to make contact with her dad, might you have more luck trying to encourage him to make more effort? Possibly not, but at least if you encourage them both then you have tried your best!

You're right, I have tried to encourage them both. She's just not interested at the moment and as someone else has said she would rather be with her friends. My worry is that because he isn't making more of an effort so much time will pass and it'll be too late. My parents are still together so this is so alien to me - i'm so frightened of the effect its having on her.

WickedWitch123

CH27 wrote: »

As well as not being close she is dealing with the split & possibly resents your ex for leaving.
Your ex could be picking up on this resentment & staying away.

But isn't that just the cowards way out? He's a grown up, surely he should be able to rise above that for the "greater good". Its his daughter - she's the child, he's the adult, or am i just being naive??

CH27

WickedWitch123 wrote: »

But isn't that just the cowards way out? He's a grown up, surely he should be able to rise above that for the "greater good". Its his daughter - she's the child, he's the adult, or am i just being naive??

I think it is the cowards way.
May I ask where he is living now & with who?

POPPYOSCAR

WickedWitch123 wrote: »

Yes, i've tried to "discuss" this for the best part of a year. He blames me 100% for the breakup so has refused to speak to me apart from by text so its really difficult. He texts her every now and again but nothing more.

Is there no other family member who could speak to him and make him understand how this is affecting his children? If not, how about writing him a letter letting him know that you are concerned about the children.

WickedWitch123

CH27 wrote: »

I think it is the cowards way.
May I ask where he is living now & with who?

He lives 5 minutes away on his own. He's currently living in a property we jointly own (which is another issue as its a buy-to-let and he shouldn't really be there).

Wilma33

What's you and your daughters relationship like with the in laws? Could they be the "bridge" to your ex keeping a relationship with DD?