Changing schools in year 10

19lottie82

Changing schools COULD be the right path to take, but you have to remember (and please don't think that I'm being nasty / negative here, but.....) that if he is a target for bullying in his current school then the same could happen at the new one too.

Sadly bullies will always pick on kids (or, as we all know, adults too) that come across as easy targets. If they are mocked once and don't stand up for themselves then often thats their card marked.

If you do change your sons school, please try to engage in techniques / activities to increase his self confidence and esteem, while expressing the importance of standing up for yourself from the start.

minimacka

19lottie82 wrote: »

Changing schools COULD be the right path to take, but you have to remember (and please don't think that I'm being nasty / negative here, but.....) that if he is a target for bullying in his current school then the same could happen at the new one too.

Sadly bullies will always pick on kids (or, as we all know, adults too) that come across as easy targets. If they are mocked once and don't stand up for themselves then often thats their card marked.

If you do change your sons school, please try to engage in techniques / activities to increase his self confidence and esteem, while expressing the importance of standing up for yourself from the start.

I dont think your being nasty at all, its only what i have thought but to be honest he is a really nice boy and im sure he will makes friends, its just that the boys he used to be friends with went biking and played the same kind of xbox games etc so he feels like he is missing out because they dont invite him to go with them on a bike ride because of this other boy. I think that some of it stems from him being ill right back in Oct 2010 he couldnt play out, do any activities or (hardly) go to school because his illness made him constantly sick then he had a feeding tube etc etc. So because he couldnt go out the other boys just went there own way.

The way we see it at the moment is that even if he doesnt make any/many new friends at the new school, he will still have his male cousins who go to the other school to see at break/lunchtime and he wont be kept being picked on.

He has just text me to say that the kids at school are still getting at him today even though this boy is on holiday this week, he told the other kids at school through xbox to look at something my son had put on youtube over 3 years ago i wouldnt mind but its not even anything really to be embarassed about but this boy told everyone to look at it and laugh at my son. I know it was this boy who did this because he is the only one that knew about the video because he commented on it, we have since deleted it but the kids keep saying oh why have you deleted it i want to have a look. Its getting him down, this boy is doing things to make all the other kids in his class/lessons laugh at him.

daska

Already having family at his new school will be a huge boost for him.

Just to be clear: Given that you've already discussed the change with him, I DON'T think that you should back out of the move unless the visit tomorrow raises a problem you aren't currently aware of. I wasn't intending to suggest that you stick it out while they investigate and try to deal with the problem at his current school. Not least because it would undoubtedly cause him more disappointment and if he is already depressed due to the problems this boy is causing it would worsen the situation if you changed tack and made him stay at his current school.

But I still believe you should formally inform the Head, Governors and EA of exactly why you have taken the decision to move him.

minimacka

daska wrote: »

Already having family at his new school will be a huge boost for him.

Just to be clear: Given that you've already discussed the change with him, I DON'T think that you should back out of the move unless the visit tomorrow raises a problem you aren't currently aware of. I wasn't intending to suggest that you stick it out while they investigate and try to deal with the problem at his current school. Not least because it would undoubtedly cause him more disappointment and if he is already depressed due to the problems this boy is causing it would worsen the situation if you changed tack and made him stay at his current school.

But I still believe you should formally inform the Head, Governors and EA of exactly why you have taken the decision to move him.

Whatever he decides to do is fine by me, it was his suggestion to change schools and he is very aware that it will not be without its own problems changing school ie the exams and the way the school operates its gcse's from year 9. These are things that we need to ask when we go to the school tomorow and belive me if they say that he can go to the new school and he wants to go then we certainly will be arranging a meeting at his present school to address the problem and the reasons why he wants to move. I dont want to do this until he is sure he wants to move because i dont want him to be picked on any more. He is already asking me what am i going to say about why i am moving schools the bully will think he has won because ive moved, so when he does move i want the school to make this boy aware of this and what hurt he has caused my son and i would like to think that they would write to this boys father and tell him what has happened too.

All you want for your children is to be happy dont you and to teach them about wright and wrong, my son wants to punch this boy so much because he knows that despite this boy being bigger than him he isnt a fighter and would be humiliated but i wont let him because i dont think that this is the answer. I always try to get my son to understand how the other person would feel if something was to happen so that he can grow up to be a well rounded man who thinks about other peoples feelings too but in this case a little bit of me wants him to punch the bully to teach him a lesson, but that would just cause more problems so i keep that to myself

Lunar_Eclipse

I moved schools at the beginning of Y9 and then Y10 (geographical moves.)

The latter move was very difficult for academic reasons (as well as social, but to a lesser degree) because I was behind the syllabus being taught in the new school. My GCSE grades suffered, fairly significantly, but I was back on track by the time I started the A level year and then did extremely well at degree level.

My greatest concern for your son would be the effect on his GCSEs, given that the new school started the KS4 syllabus a year earlier than his current school. Having said that, now that you are aware this is likely to be an issue (my parents weren't and I realised too late), you can take steps to minimise/negate any negative impact this could have. This coming Summer would be a good time to go through what the new school have covered in all key subjects, although it could be a lot of work (just 2-3 days per subject would easily take 4 weeks) so I'm not sure how realistic this might be.

minimacka

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I moved schools at the beginning of Y9 and then Y10 (geographical moves.)

The latter move was very difficult for academic reasons (as well as social, but to a lesser degree) because I was behind the syllabus being taught in the new school. My GCSE grades suffered, fairly significantly, but I was back on track by the time I started the A level year and then did extremely well at degree level.

My greatest concern for your son would be the effect on his GCSEs, given that the new school started the KS4 syllabus a year earlier than his current school. Having said that, now that you are aware this is likely to be an issue (my parents weren't and I realised too late), you can take steps to minimise/negate any negative impact this could have. This coming Summer would be a good time to go through what the new school have covered in all key subjects, although it could be a lot of work (just 2-3 days per subject would easily take 4 weeks) so I'm not sure how realistic this might be.

I really completely agree with what you are saying about his GCSE's and that they might suffer because of the move, but.

Before he got really ill I made him go to school to keep his attendance up even though sometimes i would get a phone call later on in the day to tell me he needed picking up because he was ill and couldnt concentrate etc and i would then let him stay off until he was better he always caught up and had a very good attendance. Then he got really ill and couldnt go to school and that worried me too but i didnt have any choice about it he just couldnt go to school and that was that, we spend so many weeks in and out of hospitals and despite work being sent home sometimes i just didnt make him do it because he couldnt concentrate and then i just thought do you know what does it really matter if he doesnt do quite so well in his exams? he can go to 6th form just like so many other kids to catch up on what he missed out on its not the end of the world yes he might have to spend another year at 6th form but it can still get the grades he wants to do the job he wants to do in the future. I now have a completely different view on his schooling, he is a bright boy and will try his utmost best to catch up just like he did when he was off school for so long but if he doesnt quite get the results he wants then so what he might even still get into the course that he wants to do at college despite getting lower grades.

All i care about is him being happy and not want to kill himself because he feels so sad at school.

In the past i used to thing why go through school only to fail your exams and have to go to college for another year to pass them, now i think hey its just another year, being happy and well matters most to me.

x

Lunar_Eclipse

minimacka wrote: »

All i care about is him being happy and not want to kill himself because he feels so sad at school.

Sorry, I meant to put something to that effect in my post (and is actually why I wrote about GCSE damage limitation, because I assumed he'd be moving!)

As a parent with one child who has been very unhappy at school in the past (touch wood), I completely understand this feeling. Follow your heart. I wish you all the best.

minimacka

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Sorry, I meant to put something to that effect in my post (and is actually why I wrote about GCSE damage limitation, because I assumed he'd be moving!)

As a parent with one child who has been very unhappy at school in the past (touch wood), I completely understand this feeling. Follow your heart. I wish you all the best.

I know you meant well and thank you

faerie~spangles

If he were my son, was happy to move schools and the school was willing to take him, I'd move him ASAP.

To me there's not much point talking about exam results. As the bullying at his present school will be having a negative effect on him.

If as you say he's a bright boy, he will catch up if the learning environment is a happy place for him to be.

Seanymph

There is always a hiatus at a new school anyway - as the 'new kid' everyone is interested and you rarely become a target straight off, so I shouldn't worry about the bullying following him.

Also they don't tend to get bullied if they 'blend' - easier to blend with family members there - my daughter and SS moved school to a school with more value on sport, and a more challenging peer group - my eldest stayed at the quieter school. She flourished there, and would have not settled at the second school. My SS and youngest daughter flourished in the other environment.

Just because a child faces bullying difficulties in one school doesn't mean they will in the second, and i'd avoid telegraphing that to him in any way - different children will mean a different learning experience.

A fresh start can do wonders.