Relationship & Money Woes

Pee

You don't sound happy and it doesn't sound like he is being fair. 2.5 years is not very long. You shouldn't be afraid of being alone but if that is holding you back, maybe you don't feel completely frustrated by him yet and a conversation along the lines of you would like him to get bar work to tide you over might be in order.

He might then be able to explain that that would affect our benefits, if it would, that it would make it harder for him to get a managerial post in the future, which it probably would, and he could share his plans for the future which after six months even in this economic climate he should have.

Are there any courses or qualifications that would help him get a better job.

You don't explain why you can't work and I have to admit if I was with a partner who wasn't working, I would not take kindly to them telling me I should take any job.

The benefits are presumably for the both of you as a husehold, even though you in fact claim them. His comment "milk them" suggests that he has some doubts about how genuine your inability to work is.

Neither of you seems to have any belief in the other, so you would be best making a clean break. If he was to claim benefits in his own name this would cover a room in a shared house or similiar, he might then have the motivation to find something else. just make sure that if this were to happen, you won't regret not having talked about it more.

paddy's_mum

PazDeLaHuertaFan wrote: »

I hadn't banked on this thread causing me to question myself or my choices.

Maybe not but your so-called OH has banked on your love, your generosity and kindness and your dislike of quarrels and confrontation. So far, it's all gone his way while you get (insert-applicable-word-here) from the relationship.

I'm afraid that I'm with Caroline and I'd be sending this selfish taker a card saying (as she suggested) "get a job or get out".

How long do you think 'love' will last once the bailiffs are constantly at the door, you can't afford to eat, you fall accidentally pregnant and he still wants to sit on his backside.

There is a very unpleasant word for what this man is doing - it's called being a parasite!

bluebird

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Maybe not but your so-called OH has banked on your love, your generosity and kindness and your dislike of quarrels and confrontation. So far, it's all gone his way while you get (insert-applicable-word-here) from the relationship.

I'm afraid that I'm with Caroline and I'd be sending this selfish taker a card saying (as she suggested) "get a job or get out".

How long do you think 'love' will last once the bailiffs are constantly at the door, you can't afford to eat, you fall accidentally pregnant and he still wants to sit on his backside.

There is a very unpleasant word for what this man is doing - it's called being a parasite!

:T:T:T:T:T please op read what everyone is saying and start making some good choices for YOURSELF.

paddy's_mum

bluebird wrote: »

if he loved YOU he would be doing everything in his power to bring something to the table

I totally agree with this point of view. The 'something' could be anything that shows his love, gratitude and commitment whether that be having your dinner on the table, the lawn mowed, the bathroom wiped down, a hot water bottle in the bed...

What is actually happening is that you are being abused, demoralised, stolen from and s**t upon from a great height and you appear to be grateful to him for so doing. :eek:

You should be questioning yourself or this will simply get worse. Good luck.

whiteguineapig

you say you don't want to be alone but i think you would be happier just you and the dog

PazDeLaHuertaFan

A few bits of info:

• He doesn't claim JSA because we had to make the choice of Income Support for both of us or JSA for him. I made the choice of Income Support so I could control the money. If he had control of JSA he would fritter it away.
• I'm not in need of a shelter or anything like that, there is no violence in this relationship.
• The car tax/insurance I feel like I should pay as I use the car as much as him.
• He has a phone interview today.

I have taken the decision of giving him an ultimatum if this interview does not pan out. This going to be so hard but it will be worth it if only to have less of a financial burden to deal with.


Thank you for all your kind support everyone. :T

Emmzi

PazDeLaHuertaFan wrote: »

A few bits of info:

• He doesn't claim JSA because we had to make the choice of Income Support for both of us or JSA for him. I made the choice of Income Support so I could control the money. If he had control of JSA he would fritter it away.
• I'm not in need of a shelter or anything like that, there is no violence in this relationship.
• The car tax/insurance I feel like I should pay as I use the car as much as him.
• He has a phone interview today.

I have taken the decision of giving him an ultimatum if this interview does not pan out. This going to be so hard but it will be worth it if only to have less of a financial burden to deal with.


Thank you for all your kind support everyone. :T

1. you have to be the parent - not fair
2. you don't recognise abuse which is not physical in nature
3. so you should pay HALF not all
4. good on him. hope he gets it.

Grassy_Knollington

Ditch him. Come and live with me instead!

PazDeLaHuertaFan

Grassy_Knollington wrote: »

Ditch him. Come and live with me instead!

haha!

Thank you for the offer, but I think I'd be better off living alone. :rotfl:

Fredula

I think he's sitting comfortably and won't budge unless there's a foot up his bottom.

I think next time he presents you with a bill which he needs you to pay, you should say you can't afford it and suggest that he sells his computer games to pay for whatever it is.

I think he's taking you for a ride to be honest. Imo tough love is the only way it can go forward. If he wants you, he will fight for you, if he wants you to to just pay his bills/keep a roof over his head, you will soon know that too. It's tough but if I was in your position I'd probably threaten to throw him out whether he has a place to go to or not, and then see if that changes the way he applies for jobs, etc. If it doesn't, he might not be worth it in the long run.