Relationship & Money Woes

PazDeLaHuertaFan

Judi wrote: »

Whilst your not addressing the issue he wont change his attitude to money.

I wanted to respond as you were kind enough to respond to me but I don't know what to say to that.

I hadn't banked on this thread causing me to question myself or my choices.

bluebird

Love won't pay the bills, best just say to him get a job or get out!
you cannot be brought down by this man,if he loved YOU he would be doing everything in his power to bring something to the table.As for using YOUR money to buy more computer games SHAME ON HIM,thats theft,change your passwords immediately.Don't pay any of His bills CAR stuff and all that.tell him this ends today,if he can't afford a car then he shouldnt have a car.

sorry my friend i say dump his sorry butt unless he can prove he is worthy of you.the more you pay his way the happier he is to sit back and let you,remember what i first said love won't pay the bills.goodluck.

Janey3

Why isn't he claiming JSA?

The flippin cheek - using your paypal - change your passswords and I wouldn't be paying his car tax/insurance either.

BugglyB

PazDeLaHuertaFan wrote: »

That sounds like a good idea.

I'm really scared though. I don't want the arguments, I hate confrontation.

Scared as in you don't like it, or scared as in frightened?

It sounds like a very lonely place you're in at the moment

Emmzi

I have been you.

I have never regretted getting him out. It's better to be alone and free than in a prison with ill tempered company.

If you need advice on how, call Women's Aid. You don't need to be fleeing to a refuge to need support. This is financial and emotional abuse.

Caroline_a

My ex partner was similar to this. He lost his job as he was convicted of drink driving, and then basically sat on his !!!!! and did nothing. I paid everything and the benefits he got went on his booze and fags. Everyone told me I was a fool to be with him, and I knew it too, so I planned my 'exit' from the relationship, waited until it was right for me, then convinced him to put the house on the market. It sold within days (this was about 8 years ago!) we moved out and went our separate ways.

However, looking back I facilitated his behaviour by paying for stuff - had I not then maybe he would have gone out and got a job... some people just have to be put into a corner before they will act!

tea_lover

PazDeLaHuertaFan wrote: »

I know I will be financially and probably emotionally better off without him, I'm just very scared of being alone again after 2.5 years....

Alone as in not part of a relationship, or alone as in you don't really know anyone apart from him?

Again, not questions you necessarily need to answer here, but it may help your perspective to have a think about them.

By your own admission, you know that he's behaving badly and not showing you any respect. Why do you think you don't deserve to be treated any better? Why is being with someone/anyone (even someone that clearly sponges off you and won't even help with housework) better than being on your own?

He knows that if he sulks or kicks off he'll get his own way. You can't change his attitude or how he behaves (at least not directly), but you can change what you're prepared to put up with.

Bennifred

PazDeLaHuertaFan wrote: »

.............................
I know I will be financially and probably emotionally better off without him, I'm just very scared of being alone again after 2.5 years....

You know what they say - feel the fear and do it anyway!

Honestly - I think you know things aren't accepable as they are, don't you? If you and he are meant to be, then he will respond to you getting tough by sorting himself out, making amends, and trying to win you back. If he doesn't make that effort, then you will know where you stand and will be far better off (and happier) without him - and I bet you wouldn't be alone for long if you don't want to be.

System

I'm a bit of a hypocrite posting on your thread really as i dont work. My kids have grown up and i really ought to be doing some form of paid employment but hubby isnt really pushing me.

The downside to that, i never ask him for anything. He pays the bills for the house and the food for the three of us.

I do contribute by keeping the house clean and tidy and try and make money online which i use to pay for needs for myself and our son. Christmas and birthdays are paid out of my earnings too as well as any DIY/decorating thats needed doing in the house. Gone are the days when i'd spend it on myself. Your husband is being very selfish.

'His day consists of playing online games and applying for the occasional job'.

'The final straw for me came when he used money from my Paypal account to buy himself computer games. I earned that money by selling my stuff. It was not his to spend'.

I'm sorry but he's got no right doing that anymore than i have demanding a toy to play with from my husband. As i see it, if i want the extras, i will have to pay for it.

You need to apply a bit of tough love with him, if you dont you will still be in the same postition as you are now (if not worse) next year.

floss2

OP, change your Paypal & Ebay passwords ASAP. Also, consider changing your bank account so he cannot set any direct debits / standing orders up for things like car tax & insurance.

Think about the benefits of only having yourself to think about - the home stays as you left it; only your dishes to wash / laundry to do; you can buy & make the food that you like to eat; your finances only have to stretch to cover yourself - as they should be doing; you have nothing to worry you or to fear in your own home except situations of your own making.

Why is he not claiming JSA after 6 months? What did the letter with the harassment decision say - or have you not seen it? There would have been one...

And finally, do not worry about what he will do / where he will go if you ask him to leave & change the locks. That is not your problem - unless you allow it to be.