leaving children for 6 months

Chakani

I have to say, most of the dads I know are just as capable of being loving and nurturing as their partners. Personally, if I had to leave my children for six months, I would be quite confident that they would be perfectly ok with their dad.

I don't think I'd feel the same if he had ever lost control with them or with me to the point of violence though.

But I wouldn't do it unless there was a really compelling reason. In fact, living in a country where actual starvation is not likely, I can't think of a single reason that I would leave my children for any length of time. Their dad would say the same. I would second the poster who recommended looking for alternative ways for the OP to persue her career ambitions.

Seanymph

No, I'm not basing it on that though - or saying that he struggled - he was very effective.

And of course I'm not saying her OH wouldn't be perfectly capable - or that the OP's children are likely to suffer horribly at his hands - just that the ideal, as they are still married and available, is for both of them to remain available if possible.

She isn't doing anything of that huge a benefit as far as I can see to the family - so therefore I advocated her looking at alternative pathways to the same end result if possible.

And we have a fella on here who is happily saying he's a great dad - but he's a great dad not a great mum....... they are two different things.

picnmix

quantumleap wrote: »

I think that a lot of quite general comments about "men" are beginning to creep into this thread and to be honest, as a man myself :cool:, I'm not sure that it is really appropriate.

As I've stated before I have three young kids and (I hope my wife would agree) I've got a pretty good, strong relationship with each of them. If they are excited or upset they'll come to me as often as they would my wife. I tell them I love them every morning and every night (and perhaps a little in between!) and more than that, I try to show them as often as possible how much I love them. My wife has been away for two long weekends with friends this year and none of the children have met any (serious;)) harm. We've all got on swimmingly!


BUT... I couldn't do it for more than a week (maybe two) on my own. I'm not afraid to admit it, my wife is essential. She IS better at comforting them, appeasing them, dressing them than me. I'm not bad at it but she is better. She is more patient with them than me, she gets less stressed around them than me. She listens, I hear! Although I'm working on that!!


Now I'm not a bad dad - in fact I think I'm a good dad and I'm not saying that all men are the same, but I think that most would understand where I'm coming from.

This is exactly like my DH, he is a fantastic daddy, loves our children more than anything, has the ability to be the main carer, but openly states he would never want to do it alone.

I don't think that there is any reason why the OP's hubby wouldn't be able to be the sole parent for his children, of course he can (I have to say the posts that mention he has been aggressive towards to OP, although I have never read those threads, would put me off leaving my children with him for 6 months).

I also agree with the poster regarding if it were a man asking the same question, well I'm afraid if it were a man posting he had been offered a job on a cruise ship for 6 months as a personal trainer, and what did we think about him leaving his family for 6 months, well my answer would be the same as my previous post. No!

duchy

Picking up on "Is it a good career move?"

Couple of points-Most people working the cruise ships come back with a decent nest egg as they are paid a reasonable salary plus bed and all meals and no travel to work costs. This nest egg can be used to pay for (often expensive) courses or even towards setting up costs for their own business however most hairdressers have gone into the business as apprentices at 16 and haven't had the luxury of a gap year to travel or even the experience of living away from home at university and employers looking for employees to recruit with management potential like to see "life experience" and get up and go and working the ships can give that to someone who maybe grew up in a small town and has always lived there. Whether it's a correct perception by the employer is arguable but it's a perception of many employers in many different sectors not just hairdressing.

Person_one

sassyblue wrote: »

If you are assuming all men come from homes where that is not allowed you could be right..... assumptions don't count though.

I don't assume they all do at all, but then I didn't assume no men can be nurturing!

sassyblue

StumpyPumpy wrote: »

No, you didn't. I deliberately created a stereotypical image of a woman to emphasise my point that stereotypes such as the ones you are using against men are equally invalid.It looks like that went totally over your head, perhaps I shouldn't have expected anything more from a woman. (see what I've done there?) I suppose I'd better highlight the fact that I also made the same inference about shoes, in case you missed that too.

Are you always that condescending or have you made a special effort today?

It's like you think your point HAS to be believed....

Person_one

quantumleap wrote: »

BUT... I couldn't do it for more than a week (maybe two) on my own. I'm not afraid to admit it, my wife is essential. She IS better at comforting them, appeasing them, dressing them than me. I'm not bad at it but she is better. She is more patient with them than me, she gets less stressed around them than me. She listens, I hear! Although I'm working on that!!


Now I'm not a bad dad - in fact I think I'm a good dad and I'm not saying that all men are the same, but I think that most would understand where I'm coming from.

I think that's mainly practice though.

If you'd had the children on your own most of the time you'd be fine.

Person_one

Seanymph wrote: »

Men and women are different. They have different skillsets. They have different approaches and different ways of dealing with things.

Now you can say 'because he was raised in a society that encouraged him not to show emotion but encouraged a woman in the 1970's to he is repressed'. Or you can just say 'as a fella he finds it harder to deal with children's emotions in a supportive way'.

I don't care about the reasoning and it's not relevant.

He and I have very different skillsets - as did me and my ex and me and every other fella I've come across.

You should meet me and my brother. We'd blow your mind.

quantumleap

Person_one wrote: »

I think that's mainly practice though.

If you'd had the children on your own most of the time you'd be fine.

I'd agree with that. Equally, if they had me most of the time and not their Mum, then they'd be fine. However, in the OP's case, I don't think either of those two scenarios are the case and as such I believe both her husband and children would struggle without her and I think her absence would have a negative effect on her children.

duchy

picnmix wrote: »

I also agree with the poster regarding if it were a man asking the same question, well I'm afraid if it were a man posting he had been offered a job on a cruise ship for 6 months as a personal trainer, and what did we think about him leaving his family for 6 months, well my answer would be the same as my previous post. No!

What about if he was a zooligist and had the chance to work with giant pandas in China for six months ? Would your reply be the same ?

What if the personal trainer stint brought in enough to open his own business thus securing his family's future ?

I suspect there's an awful lot of hairdresser/personal trainer snobbery goin' on here