Losing 1400 when partner moves in

Dunroamin

apoorlykitten wrote: »

Now unless you can give me good advise, like how to broach the subject of 'pooling' my money and my partners. What is fair for me to ask of him etc.

Please dont come on here and be rude. this isnt the place.

Why on earth would you need to broach the subject of pooling your joint money; what else would either of you expect to do?

FBaby

When I read your first post, I had some sympathy with you, relating to your feeling guilty that your partner would be worse off by taking you and your children on. I can relate to that. My partner is worse off now that we've moved in together. He of course has never complained, but I do think that brigade of 'taking on the full package' are sprouting easy words of principle rather than looking it at it from a realistic perspective. My partner didn't take on my children because my children have a dad who loves them and they love very much, a father who hardly contributes financially, so this means that my partner has in many ways taken on the not so much fun role of parenting and left the good bit to their dad.... My partner cares very much for my children, but I'm not convinced had he trully had a choice of taking them or not he would have done so. He fell in love with me, wanted to spend his life with me, he agreed to move in because it happens that he gets along with my children and therefore they are not stopping their enjoyement of sharing his life with me. It does feel wrong though that in many ways, he has more financial responsibility towards them then their own father.

That sympathy quickly died though as I read further and turned into real apathy. You seem to think like a spoilt person, your posts are full of 'I want', think that you are special because you are a single mum, and can't see that instead of moaning about what you are losing, you should be massively grateful for what you've been entitled for for many years. I was a single mother for over 5 years, my children were both under 5, and yet I worked full-time to support them. It makes me cringe that I had no choice but to pay taxes to support people like you you think they had a right to depend almost solely on benefits to support her three children because she felt she had a right to do all the things I would have loved to do, ie. more time with my kids and the opportunity to start a business of my own. I do admire you for it, I think you profited from a weak system to do something that many others would have done but couldn't.

Your current issue now seems to be that you got used to being supported by others, but that whereas until now the state just threw the money at you without any questions, you now will need to ask your partner and your partner might not feel as generous. I feel for partner for what he has lost by taking my children with me (although I make it clear that he has never moaned about it once), but at least I work full-time and support them. I would not be able to live with myself if I took on a little job on the side and expected him to support us solely when my children are now at an age I have no excuse not to work full-time.

You want your cake and eat it. Financial independence yet continue your little venture whilst making things easy for your family. Well as a tax payer, I certainly don't want to subsidise your choice of life.

miamoo

OP your OH will also not need to pay utility bills, buy his own food etc yes I know its not a great deal, but it all helps.

Then ask your older kids to look for a paper round/saturday job, which will help again.
Look at working from home?. I do LB which brings in approx £600 a month for around 20hrs a week, hours are flexible and can fitted in where ever you want.
Survey sites are ok for a few extra £ every week.
Consider charging your sister for the babysitting.
Realistically if you want to move in together you need to look at ways of earning any shortfall , which isnt that difficult, but its going to mean you working for money, which currently you get given in tax credits.

(sorry LB is Lionbridge)

tescobabe69

MacMickster wrote: »

I've just read this thread and can't believe that it has run to 8 pages for what is obviously a wind-up by the OP (who is probably a 15 year old, off school ill and very bored).

Real people don't actually think like the OP - do they?

I think its a wind up too, but I assure you there are thousands of girls that let themselves be hoodwinked into this type of situation.
Its great for the bloke.

This is Nikki. She works in the studio 2 days a week helping to run our reception and assist with photoshoots. She is a qualified hairdresser and sometimes assists with hairstying on our makeover photoshoots.

FBaby

why should it be a wind up? It is reality that single parent can live very comfortably on benefits working only 16 hours. There are many of them out there in that situation. Many of them will meet a partner and at some stage, might want to move in together....until they realise how much worse off they would be financially.... and so back to being supposedly single but somehow spending most of their time together, hence the increasing number of investigations taking place on the basis of single claimants living with a partner... It's just that most know to keep it quiet because deep inside, they are ashamed that the system allow them to be better off as single parent than many of their couple friends...

wouldbeqaulitymoneysaver

@dunroamin Just how wrong you can be.
I hardly ever drink.

princessdon

Financially are you gonna be better off - Nope

But then I'd be much better financially as would many others if we didn't live with a working partner.

What you gain is much much more than money

Your children get a "father figure" a happy home, observe a healthy relationship couple, you get a loving caring man at home etc

Money can't buy that and there are many single parents out there who would love the opportunity to have what you have.

You may have less pennies- but you are gaining more in my opinion

[Deleted User]

I would hand you back all my WTC CTC and HB in a heartbeat to have someone here to cuddle up to at night, or talk to, to help me make decisions and sort problems.... Would love a sex life! Lol!

You need to increase your hours or get a better paid job.... Simples!
Look after your own Family i.e the 5 of you before helping your Sisters out. Are they single parents too or do they have partners on decent salaries? Maybe they could get help with childcare costs.
In a nutshell, your circumstances have changed, you can no longer afford to support your sisters by providing free childcare.

NoBS_2

Are you actually self employed (in a partnership) OP or being paid by your family/business?

sharnad

apoorlykitten wrote: »

For youre info, my partner pays 400 a month rent and council tax for a 1 bed flat. when he moves in with me he will be paying 500 a month plus a higher rate of council tax.
i know that i effectivly will be better off if i take my partners money, but he will be worse of by living with me.
it wont stop us doing so but i can totally see why people choose to live apart. living is expensive

You have two choices - accept he loves you enough to think it is worth the money living with you or dont live with him