No contact with my lovely son

kj*daisy

Sounds like your husband saw you as a source of money and your son has learned the same behaviour , so when the money wasn't forthcoming he's sulking as he sees it's his right to have money off you. I hope he sees how cruel he's being and gets in touch - take care.

lovelylife

Hi everyone and thankyou for your lovely supportive posts.
Yes I have done all of the above and told him how much I love him and yes he does know about the Hysterectomy and he still wont reply.
Its so sad. I did move a long way away, he was offered to come with , but he wanted to stay in Esssex with gf and live his own life, he has dropped uni and working in a fast food resturant now.
I feel I have done everything possible for him and will leave the door open for he is my son .
But a lot of me feels he has turned into a spoilt little so and so and that makes me angry .
Im partially sighted as well so please excuse spelling mistakes.lol xx
Thankyou all so much for your input .
Fi x

Mojisola

lovelylife wrote: »

he was offered to come with, but he wanted to stay in Esssex with gf and live his own life, he has dropped uni and working in a fast food resturant now.

It might take him a while to realise that "living his own life" means being financially responsible for himself, not living on handouts from Mum, but keep hoping that he will get there and get back in contact with you.

DylanO

I'm seeing this in a much different light.

You split up with your husband and then made your 18-year-old university student son financially support you(!) with the promise that after the house is sold you'd pay him back and support him through university (as is the way it should be).

You then rescinded on the deal and moved hundreds of miles away forcing your son to have to move in with his girlfriend to stay at uni, but then he probably found that a student loan doesn't go very far and with none of the promised money forthcoming, he had to drop out of uni and is now working in a dead-end job.

Mother of the Year, you are not. More like Martyr of the Year.

red_devil

lovelylife wrote: »

Hi Im a new poster so please be gentle with me
Last year after 20 odd years of marriage, my husband decided he wanted a divorce, he blamed me for the decline in our marriage and my lack of help in his failing businesses (£120k) of my money wasnt enough for him.
It transpires he was having an affair r, he tried to tell everyone i was mentally ill and had physically abused him and it scared him !!!!!
Well he wanted to leave in a week after the bomb shell was dropped.
I told him if he was going then he best go now , we had a massive row , he kicked my pup down the stairs , so I spat in his face , not nice I know but he had me by the throat and then threw me down the stairs and left the family home.
I was broken hearted and our son who was 18 at the time was my rock , he cut contact with his father and supported me emotionally and financially at the time,
Fast forward a few months I had to sell the house below market value as i couldnt pay the mortgage,
I promised our son a percentage of monies to see him through uni , but had to cut it by 5k due to the low sale value i got for the house (he wasnt happy my son),
My son moved into his gf house and was going to commute to uni.
At the time I was paying car insurance and his phone out of my account and he told me he was going to pay money into my account to cover these, over £250 a month.
I moved away as planned , but son wasnt paying his money into my account I asked him to do so , but he didnt !! so I sent him a text saying he needed to do this or i would cancel DD.(not nastily it was agreed by him before i moved)
He never did and sent me a snotty FB saying how unfair I was cancelling the DD.
Since the last FB message he wont talk to me he has changed his mobile number , but still has me as his mum on FB.
He wont speak to ex or any other side of his family, he has changed his double barrelled sur name to my maiden name.
I have sent him messages, not nagging or having ago but light hearted stuff. I tell him I love and miss him .
Ive jsut found i need a hysterectomy and am going in next month.
My son is my only blood family I have and he still wont answer me after I told him it would be good to speak.
My friends have tried to talk to him, but he just runs away.
I feel gutted and I know he is hurting , i want to help him as he helped me .
I love my boy so much. gave him everything i could and loved him with all my heart.
What did I go wrong.:(

I feel for you. No matter what has gone on you have asked your son to speak to you and he wont. IMO thats very seflish and immature and if anything happens to you while he is playing his silly games i am sure he will live to regret it.

Dont blame yourself either. Its not your fault if you son is playing silly games and refuses to see you. One day you might not be here and then he wont have a mother to hurt.......

pinkshoes

Can you not just go and visit him? Book yourself into a cheap Travelodge for a couple of nights then just turn up at his work or house!

BlueAngelCV

"lovely" is not the word I would use!

It sounds like he is being very selfish and sulking because you are not giving him what he thinks he deserves. Although why he thinks he deserves it I don't know.

I would send him a letter/email explaining how you feel and that whilst you are willing to help him out financially sometimes he needs to stand on his own 2 feet and that it is not for you to be paying out £250.00 a month on him.

I'm afraid to say that he is acting like a child and it may just be a case of you having to ride out his attitude until he grows up a bit.

I feel for you.

Lance

It sounds like when the bank of mum dried up he abandond uni, his future, to get money for his car and mobile. He would'nt have been the first student to work and study but not be able to afford a car and expensive mobile. Sounds spoilt tbh and has some hard lessons to learn unless you get a new source of money to support him. He does sound a bit like Daddy tbh with his attitude towards you and money. You've told him you are there for him..... except as a cash cow..... so will have to leave it at that and wait for him to grow up.

VfM4meplse

londonsurrey wrote: »

Just leave the door open for him for if he ever decides to talk to you.

This is good advice, but do remember that 18 is very young to fend for yourself. Keep communicating with him (not through FB though!), even if he doesn't want to talk to you. If possible, try and make his g/f an ally, and encourage him to go back to university in September. Did I read correctly that he has a lump sum? If so, is there any reason why he can't use this for university and supplement with p/t earnings?

You need to concentrate on your own health for now, but whatever you do, don't let him feel that you have abandoned him. Times are tough but they will get better.

lovelylife

Thanks for your replys.
i will leave the door open for him , when he is ready .
I did mt best under the circumstances and he got a big sum of money for uni , he had all my love and support .
If he wont communicate I can do no more, i need to concentrate on my life now.