Ending my marriage, struggling to cope....

freshstart11

Oh sweetheart - huge hugs! I wish i could take your pain away! I was with my STB ex husband for 5 and bit years but I found out 4 days after we got married he was still texting other women - had never stopped!

A year ago tomorrow I walked away and my life has NEVER been better and I am so so happy.

I dont have much time but if you want to talk at all PM me - i am more than happy to x x

RAS

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

I have tried to talk to him and find out why he feels the need to text other women and he cant explain it. If he doesn't know why then how can I even start to understand why he does it?

Hi love

You do not need to understand why he does it.

The stark fact is not that you are ending your marriage, but that even if he signed the piece of paper, you ex never entered the marriage.

That you have been depressed and feel that you have lost all sense of feeling is not surprising; in order to try and square his abusive behaviour with your hopes would be enough to make anyone depressed.

Divorce him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour; sure he thinks it is OK but I doubt a court would.

clearing_out_my_pockets

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

I am struggling to cope with feelings of guilt over ending my marriage, I'm 29 and met my husband 10 years ago - we have been married for 5 years.

Over the years he has repeatedly text other women and has been sorry every time I caught him out, I have just caught him out again recently and feel that there is no way I can trust him anymore.

I have asked him to move out and discuss splitting finances but cant seem to get over feeling guilty about ending our marriage....

I can almost guarantee that what you're feeling isn't guilt. I ended my relationship with my ex after almost 7 years of lies and at the time I thought I was feeling guilty but what I realise now is that it was actually regret. Not that I was ending the relationship, but that I'd bought his lies so many times...

dizzyblonde82

I haven't been on for a few days as was taking some time to think about things. I asked my husband to leave properly on Sunday evening and on Monday he made a really big apology and I stupidly believed him

He couldn't even go a day without sending this women a message and lied to me again, he has now blocked me on facebook, put a password on his laptop and has changed to fb messaging her as I could access his phone bill.

He is in hospital at the moment having an elbow operation and to be honest I don't want him to come back! He even had the cheek to say would I be there when he comes round from the op as he is scared and I am his wife! Funny how is fb status says he is separated.

How do I be strong and get him out of my life??????

System

you just have to keep reminding yourself how much he has done to hurt you.

Be strong. You dont need a man who will never put your feelings first.

Person_one

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

How do I be strong and get him out of my life??????

Do something concrete and irreversible.

Pack his stuff up and take it to wherever he'll be staying from now on.

Tell all your friends and family you are separating and you plan to divorce.

Sell your engagement ring.

Ask the bank to freeze your joint accounts and require two signatures for action on them.

Get his name taken off any bills you can.

Is your son at school? Ring them to let them know of the change in your son's home situation.

Ring the hospital and tell them that his mum is now the main contact for him and you won't be available to pick him up on discharge as you are separated.

Stuff like that will make you feel as if you've well and truly made the decision and I expect less likely to go back on it.

Stephb1986_2

You will get through this, he doesn't deserve you at all. Make him leave and make sure you don't take him back

chin up

Steph xx

ANY_CHANCE

It doesn't sound like things are going to change.
If you don't bite the bullet now you may just be putting things off to go through it all over again with an inevitable result.

But it is your choice

BitterAndTwisted

I doubt that it's guilt you are feeling, but grief. Grief over his most painful and repeated betrayals, grief about what appears to be his complete lack of any remorse or sorrow about the terrible harm he has caused you over and over again, and most especially grief about having the future you had planned being snatched away from you. None of which was your fault or you made any contribution to.

The way you have described his complete lack of empathy about the anguish his disgusting behaviour his caused you is shocking to me. I don't think he's normal: there must be something wrong with him.

You'll wake up one morning and not feel this emotion you have labelled "guilt", it will be very justified anger.

There is a better life out there than you one you have now and you will find it because you deserve it. We all do. Except him. He deserves nothing but solitude and his cherished text-messages which are so very important. More important than honestly and plain decency.

Pop out into the garden and burn his clothes. Take photographs and send them via his mobile while he's in his hospital bed. It might not make you feel much better but it would me.

mgdavid

You're 29, you and your son have your life ahead of you, so many good possibilities to look forward to. Tell him to go, you and your son need to stay with the roof over your head. He is obliged to maintain your son in any event.It will be tough at first, but there's still plenty of help and benefits for people in your situation, later on when you are working things will get a lot better.