Ending my marriage, struggling to cope....

dizzyblonde82

I am struggling to cope with feelings of guilt over ending my marriage, I'm 29 and met my husband 10 years ago - we have been married for 5 years.

Over the years he has repeatedly text other women and has been sorry every time I caught him out, I have just caught him out again recently and feel that there is no way I can trust him anymore.

I have asked him to move out and discuss splitting finances but cant seem to get over feeling guilty about ending our marriage....

Errata

Looks like your marriage didn't mean much to him. He should be feeling guilty, not you. He broke it.

POPPYOSCAR

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

I am struggling to cope with feelings of guilt over ending my marriage, I'm 29 and met my husband 10 years ago - we have been married for 5 years.

Over the years he has repeatedly text other women and has been sorry every time I caught him out, I have just caught him out again recently and feel that there is no way I can trust him anymore.

I have asked him to move out and discuss splitting finances but cant seem to get over feeling guilty about ending our marriage....

Are you sure it is actually guilt you are feeling?

Making such a big decision as this is bound to put your emotions in turmoil.

What has he said about moving out? Does he have somewhere to go?

dizzyblonde82

He has somewhere to go, I asked him to leave a few weeks ago and he went for 2 weeks then I said he could come back, feel stupid for trusting him again and he lies to me daily, he says I'm paranoid and I should stop checking his online phone bill.

He sent this women 70 texts on Friday when he should have been concentrating on a training course at work!

I have been on anti-depressants for a number of years so have lost all sense of my feelings, perhaps it is not guilt I'm feeling.

dizzyblonde82

I spoke to my mother-in-law today and she said I need to put myself and our son first and I would be better off without my husband.

POPPYOSCAR

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

He has somewhere to go, I asked him to leave a few weeks ago and he went for 2 weeks then I said he could come back, feel stupid for trusting him again and he lies to me daily, he says I'm paranoid and I should stop checking his online phone bill.

He sent this women 70 texts on Friday when he should have been concentrating on a training course at work!

I have been on anti-depressants for a number of years so have lost all sense of my feelings, perhaps it is not guilt I'm feeling.

Do not feel stupid for trusting him again, at least you have tried to keep your marriage going if nothing else.

What explanation has he given you for the 70 texts?

gibson123

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

I spoke to my mother-in-law today and she said I need to put myself and our son first and I would be better off without my husband.

This is very telling, if HIS mother, who has an interest (your son) in you staying together is saying not to, then you are doing the right thing.

POPPYOSCAR

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

I spoke to my mother-in-law today and she said I need to put myself and our son first and I would be better off without my husband.

That may be good advice.

But only you can decide what is best for yourself and your son.

How long has this been going on for and have you had any form of outside help to try save your marriage?

Mojisola

dizzyblonde82 wrote: »

he says I'm paranoid and I should stop checking his online phone bill.

He sent this women 70 texts on Friday when he should have been concentrating on a training course at work!

Paranoid = "unreasonable fear or irrational belief"

You're not paranoid because he is texting the woman!

DVardysShadow

You have tried to keep your marriage going. Obviously you are going to feel bad about bringing it to an end. But if you have put your best efforts in to saving it, you have no reason to feel guilty, Even if it offends your sense of what is right to call an end on it, it is understandable to feel bad about the situation - but don't go confusing that with guilt.

Northern_Princess

So sorry to hear this. From reading the thread it sounds like you have already given him a few chances. In my view once could be classed as a 'mistake', but it sounds like he's done it more than once. It's not your fault he has chosen to do this and it must be really hurtful for you but you are worth so much more than being with someone who cheats. You can only give someone so many chances and you are not the guilty party. He is. You tried to make your marriage work and forgave him but he abused that trust again, you have nothing to feel guilty for x