Husband and ex husband!

Grumpygit

Well, just had a 2 hour discussion/argument with OH about all of this - he made a comment about being kept out of things and on a need to know basis so if that's my attitude then he will stay out of it and I can do what I want....I would anyway.

I am wondering if it also stems to the fact that I didn't invite him to see the social worker last week - I told him about the meeting as I asked him to pick child up after work from cm.

I really didn't think about seeing if he wanted to be there - it didn't occur to me (rightly or wrongly) I suppose he should have been there (maybe). he never mentioned it when I spoke to him to ask about picking up and he could have - he has a tongue in his head and (as he has just repeated several times to me) if something involves him, then he asks questions.

He is also bringing up loads of things that I don't tell him (ie I have a dr app for repeat prescription) or child will be late home from school (I will give him that one as he is home first) or little things like that.....well, little to me obviously not to him. He does tell me stuff but I don't class it as important, if it is important, I would definately tell him - a differing attitude to what is important I guess that I am going to have to work on as he obviously needs to know!

I am just so tired of it and his grumpy git self - he's gone out on his bike now hopefully the air will clear his head (but I doubt it!)

Sambucus_Nigra

To be honest, we've never had a potential child abuse scandal in our family; but my OH [who has a DD, 15] sometimes forgets to tell me things and it really pees me off - as it does concern me as we are a couple. So - not telling me he's agreed for her to come over an extra week [I don't mind, but it's just nice to know, she's living in our house] - things like that. So maybe cut him some slack a bit, it really isn't easy being a step-parent of that I can assure you. And when you cut him out of things it makes it harder to feel part of the family.

meritaten

your current husband sounds a bit controlling hun - not in the sense of telling you what to do (you sound more than capable of telling him where to get off), but in the sense that he wants to know the minutiae of your day. in this way he keeps control of you (in his head). harmless enough usually, but it can escalate in to jealousy and this case it has caused major row hasnt it?
Like most women I dont bother telling my OH every little thing - I too operate on a 'need to know' basis! but, perhaps he does have a point here? for his own sanity (and because he cares about you and DD?) he felt you were keeping him in the dark and it worried him. you are all in a bad situation right now - the last thing you need is to at loggerheads with each other. I know you are all scared of what has happened - perhaps you are even more scared that further revelations will follow. you NEED your OHs support hun - talk to him calmly and perhaps promise to tell him everything?

Grumpygit

I can appreciate it's difficult to be a step parent but i don't not tell him things because of it - it's just me but I will make more of an effort to tell him everything - so much so that he will wish he never raised it! ha ha (well, when he's talking to me again)

I wasn't keeping him in the dark about anything - he knows what I know (although he doesn't know what was said yesterday because "I don't want to know it's your problem!" Ok, I didn't say about him coming to the social worker, but it never occurred to me to have him there also - he keeps telling me it's their problem not ours but then moans that I didn't think to say about him being there

I just can't win on this - he says that it's part of a bigger issue ie me not telling him everything (like he tells me everything including speaking to ex's ??) however, some of what he is saying is minor points.

He has moaned that I haven't told him I am going to be half an hour late home from work - it's not as if he cooks that's still me, he then made the point to say that he tells me when he will be late home from work but that's because I am making tea not because of anything else.

Oh well, another fun filled night I suppose!

Triker

emweaver wrote: »

I thought SS only got involved if they had been charged ?

No they get involved at the start of any investigation whereby children may be seen to be vulnerable or at risk whether it results in a charge or no further action is taken.

Sambucus_Nigra

Grumpygit wrote: »

Oh well, another fun filled night I suppose!

Sit down with him and ask him what he wants to happen now - agree to it and put it behind you. Life's too short.

Grumpygit

I know it is which is one of the reasons why he is so selfish (life threatening illness years ago) so basically he does what he pleases some times without regard for anyone and how it affects them.

Anyway.......thank you to all for replying and offering comfort and support

Xx

Grumpygit

Hey all

Well we had a long talk (not argument) last night and have sorted things out about this and everything.

He explained why he wanted to know the little things (little to me anyway) and I understand why and I have promised to tell him more and keep him informed. Some of it I understand more than others but hey ho I will make the effort.

He said that he found it difficult at times and it felt like I was pushing him out and not including him which I have never intentionally done he did say that I didn't know I was doing it and I can totally see that so new start from me and information overload coming for him! Ha ha

I will stop by again for updates on the ex front.

Thanks again all

Grumpygit

Hey all

Thought I would update you on this situation.......all interest has been dropped by SS.

Any restrictions placed ie no unsupervised access have been lifted.

It would appear that it was a malicious incident but we will never know the full details.

We are just glad it's over.

LandyAndy

Grumpygit wrote: »

Hey all

Thought I would update you on this situation.......all interest has been dropped by SS.

Any restrictions placed ie no unsupervised access have been lifted.

It would appear that it was a malicious incident but we will never know the full details.

We are just glad it's over.

Thank you. Glad it turned out well.

All the 'no smoke without fire' merchants on here, please take note.