How much money would you give?

MrsDrink

:rotfl: so off topic now.

Interesting question Daisy and I don't think I have an easy answer. I still stand by the above, any mention of a gift list without being asked for it is, in my opinion, presumptuous, no matter how it's worded. But I guess I would be more forgiving of my best friend than say some far removed relative of MrD's.

emz118

I think that some people find it embarrassing to have to ask what you would like, but would rather give something that you will appreciate than spend money on something that will be put away in a cupboard or may be a duplicate.

I agree that it can be presumptious to put it into the invites, but I didn't want lots of people asking us, and I knew that many of our guests would like to give a gift.

For that reason we decided to put the note in the gift list section of our website. That way anyone who wanted to could look at that section, those who didn't want to didn't have to!

smithkinson

To answer the original question, I think £30 is a perfectly generous amount to give, especially given the relationship. As others have mentioned - giving it in the currency they would use on honeymoon is a nice touch. Another option would be to use that £30 or so to buy something they could use on their honeymoon, if you do find out where they are going. Something for the plane, or something for while they are away?


I, personally, hate gift lists. I love getting gifts and not having a clue what they will be, and knowing it was bought with love because someone thought of me. However, I have family who love gift lists. They always want to know 'what I want' and give something I've specified (for birthdays and so on) so I have a list on amazon with a small selection of things on.
Knowing this, I know we need a wedding gift list. I would never dream of putting it on the invites, but there will be a link on the wedding website should anyone want to use it. It is completely up to them if they choose to or not.

I think a lot of guests like to give gifts to a couple. It is part of a wedding for many people, and a way of showing your support for the new couple. I think that many people ask for money 'towards the honeymoon' because it is easier and nicer than just saying 'we will have money'. Givers like to know what money will go towards, and if there isn't really anything to put it towards other than savings, saying it's for the honeymoon is an easy option. I am sure that most couples book a honeymoon they can, and will, pay for on their own without guests contributions, but it is a nice thing to tell guests they are paying for. If anyone gave us money 'for our honeymoon' we would, say, have a meal 'on them' or do an activity or excursion 'on them' and we could then return home and tell them about the meal or activity we did. It's a nice way for them to see their gift of cash being appreciated rather than just 'thanks for the money'.

ailey

daisiegg wrote: »

MrsDrink and others who have a problem with people including gift lists in the invite, what do you think about the invite having a link to a wedding website that then has all the maps, details of hotels etc - and a gift list on there too? I'm setting up a wedding website so that the invitations won't have loads of bits of paper in them, and it was going to include the gift list. Do you think this could be offensive to anyone? I suppose they don't have to click on that bit of the site if they don't want to!

I've got a couple of weddings coming up in the summer. Both weddings are sit down meals. I know one is costing £70 per head (a bit expensive but in a castle so I suppose it's not just the meal the cost involves) so I have to take that into consideration as myself and hubby are going so the couple are already paying £140 for us to attend so I feel that we need to give them £250-£300. This wedding is a friend's son. I think possibly Scottish weddings are done differently to English weddings (I think I remember hearing that years ago). Is it generally a buffet or do people also have full sit-down meals, depending on choice? If so, I feel that needs to be taken into consideration when depending on how much to give for a wedding present. This couple already have everything they need so cash will be fine. I like the idea of putting the cash into a picture frame. Any other great ideas out there as I would like to do something different rather than just putting the money in a Wedding card?

The second couple will not have everything for the home yet so a wedding list would be great. Thirty odd years ago when we got married it was never heard of to have a wedding list so we got the presents we got and were very happy with them. We got things like toasters, bedding, dishes etc. A few years after we got married people started putting the wedding list information in with their invitations and I remember people used to think it was rather cheeky but now I think people accept this practice okay as it means they can choose something to the value they would like to spend and know the couple will be happy with it so good all round.

I emailed my son tonight to find out if his friend actually has a wedding list as this would make it so much easier for us to be able to choose a gift. Failing this, I feel we would have to give them around £150 as it will possibly cost at least £30 per head for hubby and myself for the meal so leaves the couple with a £90 gift at the end of the day. It's so difficult trying to make the right decision - not being over-generous and not being mean either. It also depends on everyone's budget in what they can afford. It does cost a fortune going to weddings, by the time we get a new outfit (if required), travel expenses, hotel expenses and wedding present. Thank goodness we haven't had any weddings for the last 12 years. Last time we had one on a Friday and one the very next day (same families so I needed 2 outfits - daft really but that's what us women are like lol). This time we have the 2 weddings 2 weeks apart and totally different families, so guess what? Yes I'm wearing the same outfit twice!! Hopefully I don't damage my dress at the first wedding. I'll need to steer clear of anyone with red wine lol!

lizd87

I'm stuck with this one too. I'm going to a friend's wedding soon that's only 2 weeks before mine. It's 300 miles away and going to cost us tons to go. She's also asked for cash for their honeymoon or house deposit on the invite (although also says not expecting gifts). I'm also going on her hen do, which is costing me about £80. I'm seriously skint and the most I could probably afford about £20, but in a dilemma as to whether to a) not give her anything (and get a nice card) give her the £20 in cash or c) get her another gift for £20??

Sorry OP for jumping on the thread but feel your pain with a similar dilemma!

ailey

lizd87 wrote: »

I'm stuck with this one too. I'm going to a friend's wedding soon that's only 2 weeks before mine. It's 300 miles away and going to cost us tons to go. She's also asked for cash for their honeymoon or house deposit on the invite (although also says not expecting gifts). I'm also going on her hen do, which is costing me about £80. I'm seriously skint and the most I could probably afford about £20, but in a dilemma as to whether to a) not give her anything (and get a nice card) give her the £20 in cash or c) get her another gift for £20??

Sorry OP for jumping on the thread but feel your pain with a similar dilemma!

I know, weddings are a real costly affair and lots of people just don't have the extra money just now especially when lots of employers will only pay the minimum wage. I really feel sorry for young people just now. Could you maybe have a look at reduced items in Debenhams, M&S etc as they both have sales on and maybe you could pick up something for £20 or so which has been reduced by half or such like? Sorry I should have quoted OP as well. Hope you both manage to get something nice. Enjoy the weddings. x

wanchai_2

lizd87 wrote: »

I'm stuck with this one too. I'm going to a friend's wedding soon that's only 2 weeks before mine. It's 300 miles away and going to cost us tons to go. She's also asked for cash for their honeymoon or house deposit on the invite (although also says not expecting gifts). I'm also going on her hen do, which is costing me about £80. I'm seriously skint and the most I could probably afford about £20, but in a dilemma as to whether to a) not give her anything (and get a nice card) give her the £20 in cash or c) get her another gift for £20??

Sorry OP for jumping on the thread but feel your pain with a similar dilemma!

Is she going to your wedding and hen as well?

I'd be inclined to skip the hen and give £100 in a card. It's a long way to travel twice.

minerva_windsong

I agree with those who said give what you can afford and what you want to give. If that's £30 then so be it. Although for me personally, I would give £30 to a couple I didn't know so well and £50 to a couple I knew better.

If it's spending money that they want, could you find out where they're going and get them currency? Or even buy them something while they're on the trip (dinner on the first night, a day trip somewhere etc)?

MrsDrink

ailey wrote: »

...so I feel that we need to give them £250-£300. ... we would have to give them around £150

I can't help but feel saddened that you feel you have to essentially reimburse the bride and groom for your 'seat' at their wedding. This would horrify me if any of our guests felt that way!

ailey

MrsDrink wrote: »

I can't help but feel saddened that you feel you have to essentially reimburse the bride and groom for your 'seat' at their wedding. This would horrify me if any of our guests felt that way!

I don't feel it's reimbursing the bride and groom for our 'seat' but I wouldn't want them to be out of pocket by paying more for our meal than we give them for a gift. Everyone thinks differently, that's all. Maybe I'm looking at it wrongly but we haven't been to many weddings and wouldn't like to be seen as mean as that's how some people would view it. Maybe I need to re-assess my thoughts on this and see what other people think. I don't know generally what people give for money gifts. I know not many years after we got married (and that was over 30 years ago) people seemed to go from getting small kitchen items to much larger items like washing machines. I think they started to expect more and people just felt they had to offer as much as some others did. It's a bit of a minefield really. My friend told me how much per head her son's wedding was costing for the meal so I now feel a bit obliged to make sure I give a good gift. Oh dear, now I'm undecided!