How much money would you give?

johannalf88

People don't have to buy presents. I never understand people who feel pressured in to buying things they can't afford. If you want to give a gift, but really can't afford anything (our gift list has things starting at £15) then just give a card and explain to the bride and groom! It's not rocket science! Or give the gift of your own time.... (baby sitting etc).

A gift isn't compulsory, you can even (shock horror) turn the invite down if that alone is going to cost too much!

Just re-read that n it came out as a bit of a rant! Whoops! (No intent.)

sugarwalsh

Go Johanna, go! I don't understand when people say they feel pressurised either.

Op, a very close friend gave us £30, but she made it into a flower and wrapped it in a box. That made it very special and like she had put some thought into it.

Maybe that might make giving cash easier?

p00pieb0tt0m

Perhaps change it to the relevant currency for their honeymoon, I did this for a wedding last year, just mention for them to open the card before the honeymoon, if they are setting off very soon after the big day.

Derivative

sugarwalsh wrote: »

Go Johanna, go! I don't understand when people say they feel pressurised either.

Is it that hard to understand?
You're writing a list of things that you want people to buy you.

I can understand if you think £30 is a small amount, but simply asking is putting pressure on people to want to do it.

Gift lists just seem awkward and greedy to me. I wrote a gift list for my Mum when I was 13. Difference then was, I didn't have any money of my own. Like hell would I do it now, and that's my Mum, not extended family!

It's not a matter of affording at all, just the principle - your wedding is yours, not mine!

johannalf88

Do people not have a back bone? If i told someone to walk off a cliff, would they feel pressured to do it? I hope not! If I supplied a list of items I would prefer, rather than receiving 10 photo frames, does that mean I am pressuring people? I hope not!

Oh and I still get asked every year what I want for my birthday! :rotfl:

continualdiamond

I'm in the same position, the invite is not someone we're close too though we did invite them to our wedding however they couldn't get time off work as I got married on a Fri.

They didn't get us a gift, I assume they didn't as they couldn't come to the wedding, they did send us a card though.

We had 1 person at ours just come to the ceremony, they told us they had something else on and couldn't stop for the meal anymore :mad:. No gift from them or even a card.

The wedding invite does say that the most important gift to them is to have us share the day with them but that if we wish to contribute in another way then a little extra spending money for the honeymoon would be nice.

I have no idea what I'm going to do yet.

Though I do admire them for stating what they would like. We personally didn't feel it was right to ask for money or send out a wedding gift list. We felt a bit cheeky and thought it was peoples personal choice on what to get us, if anything.

We mostly got money and photo frames, in fact photo frames became my nightmare we just got too many and my lounge would just be filled with wedding photos if I used them all.

rachel90

My fiance and I went to his step brothers wedding. We gave them £20 between us. They asked for Virgin holiday vouchers but we couldn't get hold of them. £20 was all we could afford. Their wedding was fairly lavish and they were very happy with the £20.
Give what you can afford, I'm sure they will understand.

HTH x

SUESMITH_2

i hate people asking for money to pay for the expensive honeymoon they have chosen to book, if they want a fancy holiday, fine but they can pay for it themselves not expect their guests to fork out. we went camping on our motorbike for our honeymoon which we paid for ourselves as it never crossed our minds that people would pay for something so personal to us.

i don't have a problem with wedding lists - at least it stops all the photo frames and toasters lol.

rant over

sugarwalsh

Derivative, what is hard to understand is when people wmgive a gift list, or ask for money as an alternative, is that they are not saying 'buy me a gift'. They are simply saying 'should you wish to buy a gift, as per tradition dictates, here are some things we would like.' it does not say you can't buy a different gift. It does not mean you have to give a gift. It simply means they don't end up with loads of photo frames, as continual diamond did.
How you perceive the idea of gift lists or requests for money is your issue, not the bride and grooms.

MrsDrink

sugarwalsh wrote: »

Derivative, what is hard to understand is when people wmgive a gift list, or ask for money as an alternative, is that they are not saying 'buy me a gift'. They are simply saying 'should you wish to buy a gift, as per tradition dictates, here are some things we would like.' it does not say you can't buy a different gift. It does not mean you have to give a gift. It simply means they don't end up with loads of photo frames, as continual diamond did.
How you perceive the idea of gift lists or requests for money is your issue, not the bride and grooms.

The gift list has always been controversial on here, as has asking for cash. I agree with Derivative. I personally don't like the issuing of a gift list/asking for cash when you send an invite out. That isn't to say I don't agree with a gift list/asking for cash full stop. Just not with the invite. It is a whole other matter if it's distributed because a guest has asked for it/asked what you'd like. *That* is implying they are happy to provide a gift. For me issuing a gift list with the invite is presumptuous no matter how much you write "we don't want presents, it's your presence that's important" (cringe), in my mind the very fact it's written means you actually wouldn't mind a gift, and may be disappointed if you don't get one. It's like when people say "I'm not racist but..." and then follow it with a racist comment. I also slightly disagree that the perception of gift lists isn't the brides and grooms issue - it is if it's going to alienate half of their guests. (because opinion is pretty much divided 50-50 on here).

On a side note - we don't have a gift list - there really isn't anything we want. We haven't written anything on our invites about presents/gifts etc. If people have asked we've said nothing. We have stressed we honestly don't want anything. ONLY when they have continued to badger us have we relented and said okay they can give us cash towards some dive gear. But only when they have continued to badger us, not on the first request. That being said though - I am secretly hoping that someone buys us a toaster. Not because we need one. But because it's not a wedding without a toaster!!