How much money would you give?

VfM4meplse

The bride and groom have chosen you to celebrate the occasion of their wedding with them.

Your blessings should be enough. Anything above that should be accepted with grace, but it would be better to give nothing than something that will be remembered for it's shabbiness.

sugarwalsh

I know the present/giftlist/cash thing is an eternal debate on here.

Everyone has their own opinions - i personally think making guests ask more than once is rude - sorry! However, that is your choice. If I were one of your guests I would not then give you less or give you an item I know you wouldn't like (Both things I have seen on here for guests attending a wedding where the b and G have pressumed to put a gift list in with an invite!!). I would also not dictate what you spent your money on. When I give a gift I give it because I am honoured to be part of that persons life and celebration. It is up to them what they do with it.

To give a gift and begrudge it is the worst thing - I would rather not receive anything than one which came with scorn and biterness.

I often feel people transpose their own issues onto this. A gift should be given with love and joy, not with judgement or conditions.

MrsDrink

sugarwalsh wrote: »

I personally think making guests ask more than once is rude

We're not making them. It is their choice. If they choose to not respect our wish of giving us nothing, that is their choice.

sugarwalsh

True - but you also have to respect that many people will want to give you a gift. If you are uncomfortable with it then perhaps you could ask them to contribute in a different way - ie make something for the wedding, take on a responsibility etc.

I would not like to attend a wedding without a gift or without having helped out in some way or other.

MrsDrink

sugarwalsh wrote: »

True - but you also have to respect that many people will want to give you a gift. If you are uncomfortable with it then perhaps you could ask them to contribute in a different way - ie make something for the wedding, take on a responsibility etc.

I would not like to attend a wedding without a gift or without having helped out in some way or other.

Why should we? It's our wedding, therefore it should be about what we want. Isn't that what we're always being told on here? They should respect us and our beliefs.

I personally would have no qualms about attending a wedding empty handed (other than a nice card) if that was the honest true wishes of the couple.

But this is taking this thread off on a tangent. Gift lists/asking for cash is always going to a controversial topic. Along with photographers, chair covers, kids attendance, and even cake toppers! :rotfl:

sugarwalsh

True - it is your wedding. However it would be a sad world if we didn't take other peoples opinions, wishes and feelings into account occasionally.

MrsDrink

sugarwalsh wrote: »

True - it is your wedding. However it would be a sad world if we didn't take other peoples opinions, wishes and feelings into account occasionally.

Precisely - this works on both sides.

sugarwalsh

So, out of curiosty, would you be offended if someone brought you a gift?

MrsDrink

Okay - taking this thread way off topic.
Honestly? Yes I would be slightly disappointed (and really frustrated!!) that they hadn't respected our wishes (and yes a bit offended), but like you said I would have to accept it was their choice. We would accept their gift graciously and wouldn't make a big deal out of it, and I certainly wouldn't offend them by chucking it back at them. But our wishes truly are that we do not want anything other than people to come and have a good time with us (which we all agree can cost the guests a mini-fortune!)

*edit to add*
But I'll reiterate my original point. I don't have a problem with other couples having gift lists, or asking for cash. What I have a problem with is the inclusion of them in the invite. That is the bit that is my bug bear and for me it's presumptuous. I accept that for other couples a gift list can be the easiest option. Not all couples have guests like ours where the majority will respect, and understand, our wishes. And some couples may want specific things such as a new bathroom/honemoon etc. I have no issue with that at all. I have an issue with writing anything in the invite that puts pressure on people to provide a gift/cash whether the couple means to or not.

daisiegg

MrsDrink and others who have a problem with people including gift lists in the invite, what do you think about the invite having a link to a wedding website that then has all the maps, details of hotels etc - and a gift list on there too? I'm setting up a wedding website so that the invitations won't have loads of bits of paper in them, and it was going to include the gift list. Do you think this could be offensive to anyone? I suppose they don't have to click on that bit of the site if they don't want to!