I just don't know what to do

shegirl

Seeing as Kingfisher has posted her experience,I'll add mine too,as I think seeing people who have managed in difficult circumstances is good and will hopefully help with any negative comments that are bound to come from somewhere!

Anyway,as I said above,I was 16 when fell pregnant with ds.His dad,same age,was far too immature,had to tell his mum he didn't touch me etc etc wanted us to stay friends but nothing to do with the pregnancy:rotfl: I had my darling boy after a dreadful pregnancy and birth.

I was 17 at the time he was born and being me couldn't just stay home.I continued in sixth form throughout my pregnancy and two days after my long period in hospital (somewhere between 4 and 6 weeks-can't remember due to the illness lmao) I was in school sitting an exam:D

My parents wouldn't allow me to live under their roof if I was to continue with education because they have very bizarre ideas on life,old fashioned views (women shouldn't read,for example) and just aren't very nice!So,I left home,claimed income support and continued with my education while caring for my son on his own.

His dad came back,didn't live with us but we were together,it was all a bit weird so there was to be no rushing,and I'm quite independent anyway.

Anyway,ds was soon diagnosed with severe autism,severe learning disability (although VERY intelligent in some areas,it's unusual!),speech difficulties (didn't say first word until 5 ),sensory issues,until last year was doubley incontinent etc.And it was a HUGE struggle.His dad was with us as much as he could be back then without living with us and I had no family support but it didn't drag me down I ended up studying law,then training and practicing in a local firm.

Things got better with his dad,but life is always different with ds.

A few years ago I had to 'temporarily' give up work due to my sons care needs and loss of the only suitable childcare I could find.That was when it became the hardest -I lost a major part of ME by having to stop working.He then spent a year out of school and is now back in for 2 hours a day with a view to increase.His dad has left completely now,off with another woman who wants to have a baby -he was caught out in feb:rotfl: and he doesn't bother with our son anymore.

I've managed well,it's not been easy but I've done it.To be honest,the hardest parts of my total experience for me aren't the caring for him on my own and such things,the hardest bits for me have been the fact that other people have walked out on my son,familiy on niether side bother with him.And that's the only bit that has ever made me wonder if I done the right thing -I have sometimes wondered if it was right to bring a child into the world when nobody but me is there for them and sees them and that's horrible,but I wouldn't change having him and the experience has given me so much more than a simple life would've

Ps obviously I rarely go out lol

kingfisherblue

Shegirl, it's very sad that your son's dad and his family don't have any contact with him. Having said that, you are there for your son and it is obvious from the above post (and other posts of yours that I have read) that you love your son very much - and that is what counts.

shegirl

kingfisherblue wrote: »

Shegirl, it's very sad that your son's dad and his family don't have any contact with him. Having said that, you are there for your son and it is obvious from the above post (and other posts of yours that I have read) that you love your son very much - and that is what counts.

It is Just makes me sick that they don't yet if he goes ahead and has a kid with her they will!But,me and my son have the advantage that we're a million times better than them and karma is a great thing :D

NAR

NotWhatIPlanned wrote: »

I just don't know what to do as this is not what I planned! Do I go it alone or do I stop this now?!
If I was to go it alone what can I expect?!
I guess I'm looking to other peoples experiences of raising a child single handedly and the effects on finances etc. Can I really even afford to contemplate going it alone?!

OP the choice at the end of the day is yours and it is no doubt a very difficult decision.
You say the father will not be involved and you are wondering if you will be able to cope. With no family network it will obviously be much more difficult to raise a child alone.
Another thing you need to consider is your longer term outlook. I may well be flamed for this but it is something you need to consider. Do you see yourself in a long term relationship/marriage somewhere down the line? Being a single mother may make that more difficult to achieve; I will leave it at that.
Good luck with YOUR decision.

shegirl

NAR wrote: »

OP the choice at the end of the day is yours and it is no doubt a very difficult decision.
You say the father will not be involved and you are wondering if you will be able to cope. With no family network it will obviously be much more difficult to raise a child alone.
Another thing you need to consider is your longer term outlook. I may well be flamed for this but it is something you need to consider. Do you see yourself in a long term relationship/marriage somewhere down the line? Being a single mother may make that more difficult to achieve; I will leave it at that.
Good luck with YOUR decision.

That's very true (well for us decent women anyway,who don't have men in and out of our kids lives without a thought) and maybe something to consider,or more be 'prepared' for rather than using it as part of the consideration.

hermanmunster_3

the "yes and no" says it all

Any "yes" and you may well regret any "no" action...

I have worked in family planning / gynae wards etc and seen a lot of difficult decisions - it is never easy on way or the other.

I was quite old and crumbly when I had my first child, probably a bit anxious, and an elderly (childless, but not by choice) friend said "children bring their love with them".. she was quite right.

NAR

shegirl, your story is inspirational in many ways. I enjoy our banter on these forums and I hope the "friends" you have made on here make up somewhat for you not going out very often xx

shegirl

NAR wrote: »

shegirl, your story is inspirational in many ways. I enjoy our banter on these forums and I hope the "friends" you have made on here make up somewhat for you not going out very often xx

Oh they do Even the naughtier ones

NAR

shegirl wrote: »

Oh they do Even the naughtier ones

I resemble that remark! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Yorkie1

BPAS provides a counselling service which, it says, is non-judgemental and can help you explore all your options. If there is one near you, perhaps that's a useful place to talk things through?