I just don't know what to do

January20

19lottie82 wrote: »

What a stupid comment.

My OH and I are in love and have been together 2 years. I don't want a baby but we have sex, using contraception. Am I stupid and / or wrong?

Of course, it is NOT a stupid comment! You must realise that any contraception is NOT 100% safe? Please tell me you realise that? Any medical professional will tell you so! The only to ensure there is no pregnancy is NO SEX. But anyway if you had read my post, properly and in context you would have realised that my comment was in reply to the post that basically implied it was the woman's responsibility if she was pregnant and not the man unless he had agreed to it. Do you believe that? Do you believe that if the OP decides to keep the pregnancy, she shouldn't ask he father for maintenance for the child, because he didn't agree to the pregnancy? (as the post I quoted was replying to someone saying she should ask the father for money)

January20

the_cat wrote: »

Is it? Really?

The only foolproof way of not becoming a parent is to abstain from sex. Of course most of us don't, but the fact that we don't means that we as adults have to accept that a baby might be an unwelcome consequence of a sexual relationship. And as adults, having made that choice, we have to deal with that potential consequence. Which means stepping up to the plate and dealing with it.

For the father, there is no choice involved at that point. They are at the mercy of the choice the mother makes as to whether they do or do not have the baby. He just has to accept the outcome and live with it

Therefore the only cast iron guaranteed way for a man to make sure he does not become a father is to abstain

That is exactly my point! It doesn't mean that people shouldn't have sex, it means that men or women have to accept the risk as part of a sexual relationship. It may be unfair on the man, but life is not fair is it?

I'll say it again: my comment has to be taken in context with the post I quoted. It's too easy to blame women for contraception failure and it's too easy to make then solely responsible for it too.

19lottie82

Of course I know that even careful sex can result in a baby and I accept that but I still don't WANT one and there is no way im going to not have sex with the man i love.
You said if you don't want a baby you should abstain from sex, there is a huge difference between that and realising that if you are responsible there is still a chance that a pregnancy might occur, whether you want one or not! Perhaps what you meant was if you aren't willing to accept the responsibilities that accompany having sex then you should abstain?

19lottie82

Anyway, back to the original topic - OP, how do you know the father wouldnt want to be involved, have you asked him? Would it make a difference to how you feel if he did?

VfM4meplse

OP - I don't think practicalities are the issue here, as you'll find a way to cope. Instead, give yourself a break from the turmoil of thinking about this for 2 weeks.

You may well find that after this time you have had a chance to reflect, and recognise this pregnancy to be a blessing.

January20

19lottie82 wrote: »

Of course I know that even careful sex can result in a baby and I accept that but I still don't WANT one and there is no way im going to not have sex with the man i love.
You said if you don't want a baby you should abstain from sex, there is a huge difference between that and realising that if you are responsible there is still a chance that a pregnancy might occur, whether you want one or not! Perhaps what you meant was if you aren't willing to accept the responsibilities that accompany having sex then you should abstain?

Can you read -in that order- posts 5, 26 and 27 and then maybe you might understand what I mean.

whitewing

19lottie82 wrote: »

Anyway, back to the original topic - OP, how do you know the father wouldnt want to be involved, have you asked him? Would it make a difference to how you feel if he did?

I kind of imagined that he may already be married/have a family.

January20

whitewing wrote: »

I kind of imagined that he may already be married/have a family.

Or they may have agreed on some no strings attached fun

VfM4meplse

19lottie82 wrote: »

there is no way im going to not have sex with the man i love.

I prefer hugs tbh - you obviously haven't had the privilege of knowing any of my exes .