I just don't know what to do

jetplane

^^^^ this is a good idea to get some objective and informed advice. It is easy to be caught up in emotions and ideals.

I would imagine that it is very hard to do this on your own and I really don't know how people manage without family back up. Yes children have their rewards but so does working in a job you enjoy.

I would be asking were you taking contraception? Is this a total shock or were you sort of letting fate take a hand? Did children figure in your future plans? Will you lose your home, will it be practical for you to return to work?

And as others have said take a little bit of time you may still be in shock. the decision may become clearer a little later on.

January20

NAR wrote: »

OP the choice at the end of the day is yours and it is no doubt a very difficult decision.
You say the father will not be involved and you are wondering if you will be able to cope. With no family network it will obviously be much more difficult to raise a child alone.
Another thing you need to consider is your longer term outlook. I may well be flamed for this but it is something you need to consider. Do you see yourself in a long term relationship/marriage somewhere down the line? Being a single mother may make that more difficult to achieve; I will leave it at that.
Good luck with YOUR decision.

And another thing is that if you choose to carry on with the pregnancy, you will be tied to the father for the rest of your/the child's life. This could have a dramatic impact on your future.

NBirdy

Hopefully it was just a one-off, but when I rang BPAS for an appointment simply to discuss options, they went ahead and also booked me an appointment for a termination afterwards :eek: Not impartial like I was hoping for, plus the earliest they could see me was over 2 weeks from when I rang - I cancelled the appointment.

poppy10_2

NBirdy wrote: »

but when I rang BPAS for an appointment simply to discuss options, they went ahead and also booked me an appointment for a termination afterwards :eek: Not impartial like I was hoping for

BPAS aren't impartial. Despite their name, they are an abortion advisory service, not a pregnancy advisory service. Abortions (and contraception) are all they do, they can't really advise on anything else.

Arg

poppy10 wrote: »

He should be involved at least financially, even if he isn't man enough to stick around and be a father

He shouldn't unless he agreed to the pregnancy.

January20

Arg wrote: »

He shouldn't unless he agreed to the pregnancy.

If he didn't want a pregnancy, he should have abstained from sex then! Everybody knows that, even when you are being very careful, one of the risks of sex is a pregnancy! Don't they? :think:

19lottie82

January20 wrote: »

If he didn't want a pregnancy, he should have abstained from sex then! Everybody knows that, even when you are being very careful, one of the risks of sex is a pregnancy! Don't they? :think:

What a stupid comment.

My OH and I are in love and have been together 2 years. I don't want a baby but we have sex, using contraception. Am I stupid and / or wrong?

shegirl

19lottie82 wrote: »

What a stupid comment.

My OH and I are in love and have been together 2 years. I don't want a baby but we have sex, using contraception. Am I stupid and / or wrong?

But you know there is a possibility and are jointly responsible for that

19lottie82

shegirl wrote: »

But you know there is a possibility and are jointly responsible for that

Of course. But the statement was if you don't want a baby then you should abstain from sex. That is just ridiculous.

the_cat

19lottie82 wrote: »

Of course. But the statement was if you don't want a baby then you should abstain from sex. That is just ridiculous.

Is it? Really?

The only foolproof way of not becoming a parent is to abstain from sex. Of course most of us don't, but the fact that we don't means that we as adults have to accept that a baby might be an unwelcome consequence of a sexual relationship. And as adults, having made that choice, we have to deal with that potential consequence. Which means stepping up to the plate and dealing with it.

For the father, there is no choice involved at that point. They are at the mercy of the choice the mother makes as to whether they do or do not have the baby. He just has to accept the outcome and live with it

Therefore the only cast iron guaranteed way for a man to make sure he does not become a father is to abstain