Having a baby Old Style???

bluep

Katinkka wrote:

I am always bewildered by people who say 'I have to still be me'. I am me and I am a mother too. IT doesnt mean I have to give someone else the privilige of taking care of my kids. It is possible to strike a balance though. Full time nursery is NOT a balance. That is someone else doing it all for you and there are often consequences. A child in our family is brought up this way and the parents complain the child doesnt talk like them and wont behave for them. HArdly surprising when he has always cried for the nursery assistants as he knows them best.

I think the reason people speak out about things like this is because of the change in society for the worse lately. THis is often considered by some to be due to there being less parental involvment in childrens lives due to careers etc being more important.

My children have always attended nursery and youngest goes 2 days a week. This is so I can catch up with my studies and have some time to myself and he gets the benefits of attending nursery with other children etc. He still spends most of his time with his family. One of the reasons I wanted to have children was to do all the fun things with them, painting, reading, playing, baking etc. I have tons of fun with them. I cant understand people who prefer their kids to do this stuff somewhere else. Why have kids?????

So on this basis you will also be keeping them from going to school and teaching them at home? If not, then why does your reasoning change when they reach 5? How come people never question whether fathers are being proper fathers if they go to work full time?

My career is important but never more important than my daughter. I am also making sure that I go to work for a company that allows me to take double my paid holiday per year as part of the benefits package rather than a company car etc... Wonderful assumptions that you make about childcare by the way - we've found an incredably dedicated and loving childminder who my daughter already adores, but she certainly saves the biggest grins for us when we pick her up. My childminder has been selected because she has similar ethics and behaviour standards to us, her 5 year old daughter is a positive developmental influence on my child and I believe that in years to come, my daughter will learn important socialising skills through interacting with different people.

I think there are people who decide to stay at home with their children then end up paying very little attention to them due to doing the housework, going shopping, leaving them in the creche at the gym...NOT that I am implying this is all or even most of stay-at-home mums. I just think the situation is a little less black and white than you paint it. I grew up to be an indepedent woman due to the example that my mum set me about work ethic, achievement, attitudes to society etc...and there were times she had to work 7 days a week in order to keep us financially afloat (not luxuries, just rent and food) but I never ever for one moment felt unloved, unwanted or closer to anyone else in the world. I want my daughter to grow up feeling that she can have a family and a career, that the two aren't mutually exclusive. That her husband/partner can stay at home if they chose to...that she will not be judged for her lifestyle or her gender.

In regards to the issue of the degeneration of society - research shows that behavioural patterns in children are at their worst in deprived areas - these also happen to have a higher level of parents who are non-working on benefits. Again not that I'm suggesting people on benefits are all in that catagory. I'm just pointing out that not all parents who are at home all the time are baking cakes and making home art with their children.

Please try to understand that there are other ways of doing things and not to judge people in that way. I hope I've come across as non-judgemental; if I've said anything offensive it's due to in-eloquence in my explanation and not intention...got to dash, my partner just brought my baby back from the childminders and I'm off to play until bedtime!

Katinkka

So on this basis you will also be keeping them from going to school and teaching them at home? If not, then why does your reasoning change when they reach 5? How come people never question whether fathers are being proper fathers if they go to work full time?

The toddler years are the most formative. ITs funny that many mothers stay at home untill their child is nearly/one years old and then leaves them when they're needed the most. Fathers traditionaly work but either parent is better than none. I think due to the number of working mothers these days that nobody dare say anything about what effect it might be having on the children. IN fact its often the stay at home mothers who put their kids first that get most critism.

Spendless

bluep wrote:

I think there are people who decide to stay at home with their children then end up paying very little attention to them due to doing the housework, going shopping,

This is exactly what I found was happening with me and my own 2 year old earlier this year. And if I left everything to play with her then the housework had to be done at the weekend which ate into the only time we have when all four of us are at home.

My solution was to put daughter in a private nursery one afternoon a week. My son had attended same one but I felt he needed it as he was a boisterous livewire that had outgrown toddler groups and wasn't old enough to start pre-school. This time I was doing it for me albeit to ultimately benefit the family and I went on a huge guilt trip about it. I needn't have worried she absolutely adores her nursery.

123xyz

My son (now rapidly approaching 9) had no new baby equipment, except for his first car seat. I really believe that the safety of these items is essential and therefore worth buying a new one.

The only thing I regret buying second hand was a crumby old pram. It was so ugly that I felt like the person from the other side of the tracks and as soon as I could afford to do so, I bought a buggy with a lie back position, the kind mentioned in a previous post.

electracy

Hi everyone,

Has anyone brought the Argos stroller, bouncer and travel cot bundle for £99.99 (http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10001&langId=-1&catalogId=3151&productId=118206&Trail=C%24cip%3D22003.Toys%2Band%2Bbaby&categoryId=22003&clickfrom=image )

It looks like good value and a known brand, but no info on what model it is, so cant find it on any review sites. I wanted to know if the stroller is any good and if its easy to fold/fit in car etc. If anyone has got one could you let me know so I can decide to buy or not.

I'm due in September and I havn't got anything yet...so confused with all the different makes/models you can buy, and I know half if not most of it I don't really need, but being a 1st timer its all very confusing. Thanks to everyone whos posted so far, its ben really helpful.

Does anyone know of (or wiling to do) a list of things you NEED to have, rather than nice to have's? I'm thinking I will need
- somewhere to sleep (moses basket for first couple of months, then cotbed for next few years)
- car seat - must be new
- clothes - not sure how many or what sizes
- nappies - disposables 1st then re-usables when all the yukky stuff gone
- bottles - I want to BF, what bottles/ sterilisers etc will I need??
- baby monitor and thermometer for the room (how essential is this?)
- hospital bag contents - got the leaflet from hospital, still thinking of what i need from this.

This list looks very short compared to what I could buy....is there anything else I desperately need to buy?

Thanks
K

bluep

Hmm.. I'll have a go... I bought a lot of this on ebay but be careful to get stuff from a pet free and smoke free home and all the clothes/bedding I put through a hot wash first.
Clothes:
at least 10 vests and 10 body suits in newborn size (keep tags on incase you get a baby that is big and needs to go into 0-3 months) - as others have said, you can go through 3-4 changes in a day sometimes!

3 min cellular blankets
6 min plain cotton/terry sheets (flat sheets more useful than fitted as they are more adaptable to cot etc.. as baby gets older, but you have to make sure that you tuck them in properly so there is no chance of the baby ruffling them up and getting underneath where there is no air!). You will need these for swaddling too

1 warm sleepsuit/snow suit size 0-3 - mothercare do really useful ones that have two diagonal zips from neck to feet - perfect for unzipping when you go indoors and you're worreid they might overheat but you dont want to wake them up)
10 or so muslin clothes - you use them for everything - milk, sick...the list goes on

I used blankets and the warm suit when going out rather than having to have cardigans and jumpers as well
Hats - at least 2 stretchy warm ones as they will last for the whole winter rather than the non-stretchy newborn ones

BF and Bottles - I bought a steriliser as you still need to sterilise any dummies, medicine spoons/plastic baby syringes etc.. I also was given an Avent breastpump, some freezable breastmilk bags and I bought 4 or so bottles for later on so I could express and miss a night feed every now and then to start to try and feel human again. You could just use a boiling pan of water though - or the reusable microwavable bags.

Bottles - I bought Avent and they've been great. I preferred the Tommee Tipee teats though - the ones with little bobbles on them as I was also breastfeeding too and my baby seemed to feed easier from these. I had real problems with Variflow teats - they just didn't work for me. So, try the ones that come with the bottle and if they are fine, don;t look elsewere.... Get the big 9 oz bottles rather than the little 4 oz newborn ones otherwise you;ll need to buy new ones down the line.

Avent steam electic steriliser - costly when new but I found a brand new packaged one on ebay for half the price. Other not so well known brands might be cheeper - i.e. boots own. I'm glad I got one that can do 6 bottles at a time though - as I can jam other things in there too.

Baby monitor has been a godsend but we have lots of stairs so different if you are in a flat on one level. We bought the Tomy walkabout premier but although it is very sensitive - could hear her breathing! - it also gets interference from computers and stuff. I couldn't find one that was better though without spending lots more cash.

Thermometer for the rooms - very cheap but not very accurate. Our monitor has a temp display on it so we tend to use that now but when she was just born, we were a lot more worried and had thermometers everywhere!! I would say that a bath thermometer/indicator is far more necessary. What's hot/cold to a baby is very difficult to judge as an adult.

Baby bath - cheap and useful, we didn't get a bath support - just held her all the time
Hooded towels - again not necessary but nice to keep them warm as newborns do shiver easily.

Car seat - make sure you read the Which report that independently tested car seats. I found mothercare excellant at giving advice, looking up your make of car and helping to fit different seats in order to find the best one. I loved my seat with its base that I could click the seat in and out of the car without waking the baby up. A big mothercare world store in a drive-in retail park is best for this as they'll have specially trained staff for sure. Although I did say "thanks, i'll go home and think about it and come back" then bought it cheaper from an internet supplier! cheeky! but mothercare have had lots of my money!!

I packed a great big hospital bag and used very little..so here's what I did find useful
- 2 nightgowns (sound terrible, I'm a pyjama person but I have NEVER been so glad of an unfashionable unsexy maternity nightgown)
- nursing bras (mothercare will measure you a few weeks before the birth)
- a couple of maternity pads, then always ultra thin extra long after that (the always ultra are SO much more comfy and better, but the midwifes like to be able to see what's happening erm...volume-wise...down there) sorry if too much info lol
- lansinoh lanolin nipple cream - a god send when you are first starting out
- food - all the midwifes kept popping in on my labour to nick mini-rolls as we'd bought a great big stock!! It can go on for hours and hours and they only have limited kinds of food on the labour ward (that said though, after the birth, the two slices of toast and tea were the BEST meal I've ever had in my life...)
- camera
- something to read - you might be exhausted but there might be a stage when you can't sleep!
- big cheap cotton jumbo knickers from matalan or bhs - 5 or so, far better than horrible crinkly disposable ones and lets face it, so cheap that they are disposable!
- some music - most labour rooms have a cd player so I brought a cd that i felt relaxed me and was rhythmic enough to help with the pain.
- 3 or so outfits for the baby (a vest and sleepsuit that buttons up the front - believe me, I took one that opened at the neck and crotch and had a heck of a time getting this incredably delicate newborn into it - took me 30 mins I'm sure). They are likely to keep you in for a couple of days until your breastfeeding is well established so you will probably need to have some more changes of clothes at home ready to be brought to the hospital by family.


"- nappies - disposables 1st then re-usables when all the yukky stuff gone"
LOL who wants to tell her how the yukky stuff GETS WORSE!

I think I need to stop writing now. hehe

callansdad

Spendless wrote:

I've also had the childs paracetamol liquid on perscription.

Wow! you must have an excellent Doctor. Trying to get anything on prescriptions from our local GP's is like squeezing blood from a stone!

callansdad

electracy wrote:

Hi everyone,

Has anyone brought the Argos stroller, bouncer and travel cot bundle for £99.99

Try looking at kiddicare.com, they have a Graco bundle. you can buy 3 items for £99.99.

You choose any 3 from: travel cot, bouncer, baby swing and baby walker!

Certainly save a few pounds

financial_filly

callansdad wrote:

Wow! you must have an excellent Doctor. Trying to get anything on prescriptions from our local GP's is like squeezing blood from a stone!

:eek: you have seen your doctor..godness me..my son is 3 yrs old and i think i have seen our doctor once - he is constantly on holiday etc. but thats another thread i think!

I agree about there is so much you "must have" which is actually just a con to make every new mum feel that their baby has to have it or they are missing out..so not true. I was lucky with my first baby that both sets of parents, grandparents etc. offered to buy a lot of the main things ie moses basket (baby was premature so got a lot of use out of it) pushchair,cot etc.

Am now expecting my second and hopefully will be more problem free this time but at least i will have the main things although I have to add my voice to the get a new car seat brigade - its really not worth saving a few quid.

financial_filly

With regard to sterilisers i bought the Milton Cold Water Steriliser (it was about £14) and found it brilliant. They used it in the special care baby unit/ward and you can fit loads of stuff in them. I could get breatfeeding equipment/bottles/teats the whole lot in and all it took was filling it to the top with cold water and popping a tablet in..i found it hassle free