Having a baby Old Style???

SomersetPrincess

Hi Jellyhead thanks for the post. Unfortunatly, we are pretty set on starting to try for a baby in october and, thus, I will hopefully be giving birth aboiut this time next year. We dont want to get pregnant before October as we have this HUGE all inclusdive holiday booked and, to be very selfish indeed, I want to have one last hoiday in skinny bikinis and drinking too much wine. I know that sounds aweful but we have spent a lot of money on this holiday and I want to be able to enjoy it properly. But, we dont want to to wait to start trying after that, as we are depsarate for a baby. Therefore - October it is! I am a cold blooded thing anyway and thrive in the heat, so hopefully will be okay :-) Hope all goes well for Sunday!!!

jellyhead

i've heard a lot of people say they got pregnant on holiday anyway - all the relaxing, maybe drinking more, maybe more sex, maybe the plane journey helps ovulation along - whatever :-)

one bonus is that you can have lovely parties in the park when your children are little. we've got a park in our town centre with playparks, paddling pool etc. and it was really nice to just have a family picnic in the sun for spud's first few birthdays. my house is small and he was the first grandchild so there were lots of relatives wanting to come to his parties, otherwise i suppose i could have had parties at home. with a summer baby it won't rain on the birthday so there's more choice for old-style parties

also spud enjoys having his birthday in the middle of the year, 6 months after christmas. it means every 6 months he gets presents. my nephews are born too close to christmas really so they never got clothes and toys for the next stage of development, in summer my sis always had to buy them a summer wardrobe and new toys because they'd outgrown the christmas ones.

Dawnie_Donut

This is my first post having been a lurker for some time, however, this thread particularly held my attention as DH and I have just found out that we are expecting a baby early next year so the tips are really useful.

However, I would like to point out that conceiving a baby is not as easyas you may like to think. You have a 25-30% chance each month of becoming pregnant so for those of you who have a particular month in mind to start trying and think you will be giving birth nine months later may be in for a surprise.

Neither DH nor I smoke or particularly drink. We attend the gym, eat heathily, don't do drugs etc and it has taken 3 years for us to conceive. Each month of not conceiving has been heartbreaking.

I know this is slightly off topic and I hope that you get your baby's when you want them as I wouldn't want you to go through what we have gone through, but don't take it for granted that you will get pregnant on your first attempt. Also, once you have been trying for a while, I can guarantee you won't care what month your baby is born in, you will just be glad that you are able to conceive.

Good luck and babydust to everyone trying - I hope you get your wish.

Well, that's it - I hope I haven't offended anyone, that was certainly not my intention.

ancasta_2

that was a great first post.

bluep

Curly_Jones wrote:

Hi

I am new to this but have recently had a baby (my 2nd, now nearly 5 months) and with my first son boutght everything new, I even ended up owning 8 pushchair/prams at one point - highly excessive! With my second son I have one pushchair and have bought most of his clothes either from eBay (second hand gap, carters - v.good american make, monsoon, next) very very cheap. I have not yet been disappointed by the things I have bought from eBay and I am starting to sell the stuff that No.2 son has grown out of. I bought my pushchair from there too and saved over £100 off the John Lewis price.

The only thing I would recommend you buy new is the mattress for your cot/moses basket/pram. And if you are going to get a second hand car seat make sure that it has never been in an accident.

Curly

Sorry to seem like I am going on but 2ND HAND CAR SEATS ARE NEVER "ALRIGHT" - DO NOT BUY THEM. Do you really think you'd ever be glad you saved £40 by buying second hand, if you had an accident and your baby was hurt or killed? This is so important that I think its worth repeating. In fact, if I am ever rich, I am going to start a charity that purely provides car seats to low income families that would have bought 2nd hand ones.

ok. rant over (again )

On a more positive note - Carters baby sleepsuits are fantastic. I can't wait to go over to the US to stock up again heh. TK Maxx sometimes get them in so when they have a sale on, that's where I head.

donna-j_2

Mary_Fisher wrote:

I agree with the poster who talked about bringing up baby yourself rather than paying someone else to have the pleasure. It wasn't a hard reply, it was sound and pragmatic.

What is it about babies (and weddings) that make people feel that they can comment on other people's choices? To all mothers who have to or WANT to go back to work it could be seen as a hard reply. It certainly was by me.

I am 37 weeks pg and do plan to go back to work 4 days a week. I do not need anyone insinuating that I am greedy or materialistic because I'm going to do this. We have saved up enough to cope for 1 year but after that a) we have to pay the mortgage and b) I did not spend 5 years at university and a further 8 years sorting out my career to throw it away because some 'well meaning' people think I just want to buy a new car every year. I'm looking at a nursery that teaches the kids French from an early age, takes them all to the local leisure centre a few times a week, takes them on weekly visists to an old folks home etc. They are well socialised and independent.

As well as being a mummy I am also going to be 'me'. That doesn't stop as soon as I give birth.

Rant over.

Katinkka

I am always bewildered by people who say 'I have to still be me'. I am me and I am a mother too. IT doesnt mean I have to give someone else the privilige of taking care of my kids. It is possible to strike a balance though. Full time nursery is NOT a balance. That is someone else doing it all for you and there are often consequences. A child in our family is brought up this way and the parents complain the child doesnt talk like them and wont behave for them. HArdly surprising when he has always cried for the nursery assistants as he knows them best.

I think the reason people speak out about things like this is because of the change in society for the worse lately. THis is often considered by some to be due to there being less parental involvment in childrens lives due to careers etc being more important.

My children have always attended nursery and youngest goes 2 days a week. This is so I can catch up with my studies and have some time to myself and he gets the benefits of attending nursery with other children etc. He still spends most of his time with his family. One of the reasons I wanted to have children was to do all the fun things with them, painting, reading, playing, baking etc. I have tons of fun with them. I cant understand people who prefer their kids to do this stuff somewhere else. Why have kids?????

ummiesbump

Hi - wow that took a long time to read through!! Great posts though.

Don't think anyone metioned that most people now get a £500 SureStart grant. You can apply towards the end of your pregnancy and in the first couple of months afterwards. It's paid very quickly and you can then spend it on anything. You just need your midwife to sign a form that i think you can get online or from the Inland Revenue.

I bought a changing unit thats a cupboard with a unit on top and is one of the best buys i had - have used it non-stop over 2.5 yrs (with 2 kids). It not easy to change a baby on a floor/bed once they learn to crawl off!!

Breastfeeding is great but i would suggest getting all the help you can to help it go smoothly and therefore last longer. Perhaps even start before baby is born, the correct positioning can usually stop most pain from ever happening. BfN, LLL etc often have local groups or supporters who are usually brill. (DONT realy on midwives/heath visitors - they are not routinely trained in breastfeeding and are not always very good at helping with bf)

Clothes never get worn for long and the nice clothes tend to get saved for best and then forgotten about until they are too small!!! Once on the move cheap t-shirts and jeans are great. My 2 year old recently "painted" his own cheap white t-shirt himself at a toddler group, its now his favourite and covers up all the stains from other painting sessions and everyone thinks it looks fab! Best £1.50 ever spent.

If you can join lots of groups and meet other mums you tend to find people will give you lots of coats/clothes etc because they aren't worth selling but they don't like throwing anything away.

Bottle warmers are useless - use a jug of hot water (be careful of children though obviously).

Own brand nappies work as well as others, i used to bulk buy boots on 3 for2 offers with extra points available. The saved points then paid for nappies when i was broke! Have now bought washable nappies which cost about £150 to set up but i never have to buy a nappy again - !! Washable wipes are great too - just stick in a tupperware box with some water and a spash of baby lotion and they work so much better than babywipes. Are bigger and easier to use as well.

Baby Sleeping bags are ace - bought lots of blankets but never used many of them. Bumper/quilts sets are useless. You can only use bumpers with young babies and quilts when they are older so you don't get to use them at the same time - i have never used a bumper anyway.

I saved lots of money when i was pregnant as i didn't go out boozing or buy any clothes for these nights out. This has become a great emergency fund and really helps with peace of mind when living week-to-week. Plus i save loads now as i still can't go out that often!!

Hope that helps someone and good luck to everyone trying to concieve.

jellyhead

hi dawnie donut, welcome :-)

it took us 3 years to concieve too, i was just so happy to be pregnant i ignored people reminding me how hard spud found being a summer baby - our baby will be loved and happy, that's what's important. friends of ours with no health problems took a whole 12 months to concieve, friends with fertility problems only took 5 months, you really never can tell.

as for the work/don't work debate i think mums have a hard time of it at the moment, everyone is so critical of other people's choices. i don't want to go back to work but i can see that part time employment works well for my sisters family, we're both happy with our choices and all the children are happy. her children enjoy childcare, mine doesn't. we don't criticise each other. there's so much debate nowadays over breast v bottle, washables v disposables, natural birth v drugs, jars v home cooked organic food etc. etc. - where's the sense of community and support my mother remembers from her childbearing days not so long ago? mother and toddler groups can be very scary, snide 'oh isn't yours walking yet?' comments - no wonder so many mums get postnatal depression when we're all so nasty and judgemental :-(

donna-j_2

Exactly jellyhead. Why do poeple think they have the right to comment?

Kattinka, that's my point. I can be a mum and be the other part of me too. It's 'you' to stay at home with your kids and it's 'me' to want to go back to work so that I can be both the me that's a mum and the me that's a career woman.

Full time nursery (which is not what I'll be going for anyway) is not somone else doing it all. There are 168 hours in a week. My baby will be at nursery for about 30. Hardly handing over all my childcare to someone else. My OH and I will be doing early/lates. I'll probably go in to work for the back of 8 to miss the traffic. OH will drop the baby at nursery after 9 o'clock and I'll pick up at 4-ish. We have just moved house in order to make this work. The nursery is 5 mins walk from here.

For new mums or mums to be, it's very scary to think about the very big changes in your life. I've been terrified about leaving work and being at home all day, and having it pointed out that these feelings are selfish and the root of ills in society are not very helpful.

My mum worked and I was always really proud of her. She had such a strong work ethic at the time that she practically stalked somone in order to get her job.