Birth Mother

RealGem

I'm a newbie on this thread, and I've spent several hours reading most of the posts from the beginning in 2012, and all of yours SDW.

Wow, what an amazing, heartwarming story! I cried at many parts, such as the lovely warm welcome you got from your birth Mother and Auntie V, and your Mother's account of the mother and baby home, and being forced to give you up. And your adoptive mum seeing a girl crying, as they took you away, and she realised later it was your real mum. Heartbreaking.

I also read the whole page of other adoption stories you posted here, and that had me in floods too.

I was adopted too and found my birth mother when I was in my 20s in the 1990s. It was very emotional, and she joked about giving up the anti-depressants now she'd found me. She'd had terrible guilt about being forced to give me up. And she was pleased I kept the name she gave me. She'd heard rumours I'd been given a new name.

We stayed in touch til her death a few years ago, but she had a hard life, and we weren't as close as I'd hoped. My birth mother was married, but I wasn't her husband's.

She claims my birth father "wouldn't take no for an answer" and that's how I came to be. Not sure if that's true; it could have been a fling, as she said her husband was a b******! And they split up soon after that. She also told me my birth father died shortly after I was born, then years later she claimed "He lives in London" (far away from where we all live). Hmmm.

Even if I wanted to find him I only have a first name for him. And if I was conceived the way she claimed, I don't want to find him!

Did you find it spooky hearing stories of yourself as a baby?

On my Social Services documents it says on the day of my adoption, I was in the middle of a Tug o' War with my birth mother and a police woman, and that I was very distressed. Thank god I don't remember that!

I loved my adoptive mother, but I lost her when I was young. But I'm very lucky. I have a wonderful adoptive father who I think of as my real Dad. And my step mum is lovely too, and they are both well in their 70s.

So happy for you SDW. And so glad you mother is being looked after and doing so well, coming up to 90.

Thank you for sharing your story

It's past my bedtime again.
That means it's Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to you and your Mother!
:T :T

seven-day-weekend

Thank you RealGem. xx

And Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there, natural and adoptive, and also to those who have had to give their children up, or have lost children through death.

seven-day-weekend

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I am meeting my cousin on 4th April for coffee. She lives miles away from me, but is coming to Shrewsbury to visit someone and I can get to Shrewsbury easily enough.

I think I will leave it there. I don't want to upset my mother.

I met my cousin, she was great, we got on really well.

She has tracked down two men (both now deceased). One of them is my natural father but we have no way of finding out which.

One of them had two daughters, but my cousin has lost touch with them and doesn't know their married names. So no way of tracing them easily.

The other one has a son. She knew his name, although she has lost touch with him also. I have found him on Facebook:eek::eek:

He is either my half-brother or my cousin. He was born the same year as me.

I won't do any more about it though, whilst my mother is still with us. It's difficult to know what to do anyway, I can hardly message the guy and say 'hey are you my half-brother?' :eek:

But at least I now have a name for my birth father.

harrys_nan

Aww, that's great SDW, you have or will gain yet another family member, brother or cousin, it's still family. Could you not contact him via FB but keep it quiet from your mum? Iknow it's not nice having secrets but they are still family.
Has your mum or aunt ever given you a hint as to your dads' name so you can be sure who is who?

KxMx

I think how considerate you are towards birth mum is wonderful.

But, it is okay to put yourself first here, everyone has a right to know where they come from and if that information is available you shouldn't let anyone stop you.

For some reason birth mum doesn't want to be honest and open, that is her choice, but you are well withing your rights to bypass that road block and carry on down the road. She never has to know.

seven-day-weekend

harrys_nan wrote: »

Aww, that's great SDW, you have or will gain yet another family member, brother or cousin, it's still family. Could you not contact him via FB but keep it quiet from your mum? Iknow it's not nice having secrets but they are still family.
Has your mum or aunt ever given you a hint as to your dads' name so you can be sure who is who?

No, I have no idea, no clues, nothing. I have only asked her a couple of times, it is obviously something she doesn't want to talk about. I think it is too painful and I think she may also feel that she will lose me if I find him, or that she may have to meet his family. So I will leave it for the time being.

I don't want to do it behind her back, I think that would be wrong, and also I can't really find anything out without giving out her personal details, which again is wrong without her permission.

So I will leave it for now. The guy (and presumably the girls, if I can find them) are the same or similar age as me so hopefully there will be opportunity later.

seven-day-weekend

KxMx wrote: »

I think how considerate you are towards birth mum is wonderful.

But, it is okay to put yourself first here, everyone has a right to know where they come from and if that information is available you shouldn't let anyone stop you.

For some reason birth mum doesn't want to be honest and open, that is her choice, but you are well withing your rights to bypass that road block and carry on down the road. She never has to know.

I understand what you are saying and indeed would give anyone else the same advice myself, but I really do not want to cause her distress nor go behind her back. There will hopefully be time at a later date.

Sometimes love trumps rights.

Spendless

I think you're doing the right thing SDW. To have the knowledge you have, for now is enough.

In the future, who knows.

Spendless

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

He is either my half-brother or my cousin. He was born the same year as me.

I've had to quote this as my question was really clumsily worded without it.

Was this man potentially your half brother, born in wedlock? Someone with an ancestry subscription could possibly find this out. If you're half siblings then if your father was already married to this man's mother, I can see how distressing it must have been for your birth mum when she realised he wouldn't be standing by her.

Alternatively had he got 2 girlfriends pregnant at similar times, but chose to marry the other one? Again very distressing for your birth mum.

Tabbytabitha

Spendless wrote: »

I've had to quote this as my question was really clumsily worded without it.

Was this man potentially your half brother, born in wedlock? Someone with an ancestry subscription could possibly find this out. If you're half siblings then if your father was already married to this man's mother, I can see how distressing it must have been for your birth mum when she realised he wouldn't be standing by her.

Alternatively had he got 2 girlfriends pregnant at similar times, but chose to marry the other one? Again very distressing for your birth mum.

It could also be very distressing for the possible half brother or the two possible half sisters - their feelings need to taken into consideration as well.