FIL refusing to get out of bed

dandy-candy

My FIL is 82 and has emphysema. He hasn't set foot outside the house for about 3 years although the doctors kept saying he must take gentle exercise (a walk down the road or around the garden) and they won't give him oxygen at home, instead he has various pills and inhalers.

2 weeks ago he caught a chest infection from my SIL who stays with him during the week, and had a sort of fit. She took him to A&E and they gave him antibiotics and sent him home. He went to bed and got better but now refuses to leave his bed incase he has a funny turn again.

His 87 year old brother is having to get the bus to his house everyday to bring him lunch in bed, and my DH and SIL bring him dinner.

I spoke to my SIL yesterday and she said apart from getting up to go to the loo, he hasn't left his bed the whole time and is unwashed and in the same clothes since 2 weeks ago. My DH has offered to help him but my FIL absolutely refuses to do it.

The GP has visited and said it is important he gets moving but he just says "I will tomorrow" and then doesn't. What on earth do we do?

pinkclouds

The answer may depend on his type of personality. Is he the sort to respond to gentle encouragement or would blunt facts suit him better? Bearing in mind his age (although his elder brother sounds quite active), is he reaching a decline or is this a temporary depression?

Emmzi

is he generally mentally sound?

you can't make him get up, but you can stop enabling him. Time for a social services review and a carer if he won't help himself. I'm guessing he won;t like that, but forcing the choice is mainly the point. Family members need to top being helpful and start being too busy.

Blackpool_Saver

Poor man probably hasn't enough oxygen to have the energy to get up, why won't they give him oxygen? get another Doctor out..........

tanith

I would certainly speak to his GP and ask for a referral to social services, he might not like it but it will take the burden off his elderly brother and the rest of the family, that doesn't mean they can't still help out but they will know his needs are being met if they cannot visit.

rosie383

Would he listen to the GP or maybe a district nurse if they told him to, rather than family? We had a similar situation this past week with my dad. After coming home from hospital, he was just lying on the settee all day and just getting up to the loo. My sister was basically doing everything for him.
I told her that she had to make him sit up in the chair at least for part of the day,and because the district nurse put her foot down,he also must get dressed every day.
Because he is sitting up, and dressed, he feels less like an invalid, went down to the end of the street with my sister for a wee walk, and actually got himself up and did his own breakfast today!
Pinkclouds is right though. Everyone is different. Some need gentle prodding in the right direction, some resolutely refuse to listen to family, but will listen to the professionals. You will need to keep trying until he does listen to someone, but it is hard.
I was a nurse for over 20 years, and worked in care of the elderly for quite a few of those years, and sometimes, there just isn't anything you can do!
I hope you find what works for him.

dandy-candy

He has always been pretty inactive in his home life tbh. He was a very hard worker (didn't retire until 70) but my DH says that at home he would just want to sit infront of tv the whole time drinking and smoking.
When he retired he did that fulltime until his chest got so bad he had to quit cigarettes.
My SIL only ever gets him to do anything by nagging on and on until he gives in which I find pretty harsh but my DH says that was what his mum had to do when she was alive too.
He already has a carer who comes in once a week to shave him, trim his nail etc, but he won't let her do anything for him now either.

dandy-candy

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Poor man probably hasn't enough oxygen to have the energy to get up, why won't they give him oxygen? get another Doctor out..........

I don't understand why they won't either. I thought it was normal for people with emphysema to end up on oxygen but the doctor said it can do more damage??

CH27

dandy-candy wrote: »

My FIL is 82 and has emphysema. He hasn't set foot outside the house for about 3 years although the doctors kept saying he must take gentle exercise (a walk down the road or around the garden) and they won't give him oxygen at home, instead he has various pills and inhalers.

2 weeks ago he caught a chest infection from my SIL who stays with him during the week, and had a sort of fit. She took him to A&E and they gave him antibiotics and sent him home. He went to bed and got better but now refuses to leave his bed incase he has a funny turn again.

His 87 year old brother is having to get the bus to his house everyday to bring him lunch in bed, and my DH and SIL bring him dinner.

I spoke to my SIL yesterday and she said apart from getting up to go to the loo, he hasn't left his bed the whole time and is unwashed and in the same clothes since 2 weeks ago. My DH has offered to help him but my FIL absolutely refuses to do it.

The GP has visited and said it is important he gets moving but he just says "I will tomorrow" and then doesn't. What on earth do we do?

Why not?
When did he last see a Specialist?

patchwork_cat

It may well be that after the infection his emphysema is worse. Has he seen the consultant recently as it may be time for a re-evaluation of oxygen therapy.

dandy-candy

CH27 wrote: »

Why not?
When did he last see a Specialist?

patchwork_cat wrote: »

It may well be that after the infection his emphysema is worse. Has he seen the consultant recently as it may be time for a re-evaluation of oxygen therapy.

He went for a series of weekly tests/assessments in January, so it was recently.
I had a friend whose grandad had emphysema and he was permantly attached to oxygen at home but that was 20 years back so I don't know if they treat it differently or they don't think he's at this stage yet. I will call the GP again tomorrow, but unless he gets up and about we won't know how breathless he is.
Before his chest infection he did dress himself everyday, sit downstairs, make his meals etc. He would get breathless sometimes but that was because he wouldn't bother taking his inhalers. Mentally he is as sharp as a pin, he just doesn't seem to bother taking his medications regularly.
My DH thinks he's just giving up on life?
He had a hip replacement about 5 years ago and ended up staying in hospital for 3 months with slow healing bedsores. I'm really worried if we can't get him up and moving then they will come back again.