We are not all money grabbing layabouts

shegirl

jarhead66 wrote: »

It works both ways my son who is 17 is physical disabled and in a wheel chair, i have had no contact with him for 10 yrs now and would love to see him, but my ex will have non of it which is a great pity as we used to go everywhere together, i did try and do most things with him like camping out, football matches and taking him places so that he would have some quality of life, I do know that he thinks that i don't want to see him because he is disabled, My ex also said the same well it must be from your side of the family, but when i did look into it its from both sides!! I have heard that he does not go out much and spends most of his time in front of his computer in his bedroom, while my ex spends alot of time drinking, I have no chance of seeing him as social services have a pile of paperwork like war and peace about my violence, drinking and drug dealing and taking, because when i went to see social services they showed me the file, when i told them it was not true i was told that i had to prove that it was not in court before they would consider letting me see my kids, then it would only be for a few hours supervised,
I did go and seek legal advice but was told that i was only entilted to £350 legal aid and that the bill could go up to £6000, So I contact the CSA and asked if they would consider reducing my payments so that i could goto court and was told that "the welfare and well being of your children is of no concern to us" just the collection of maintenance, When is the CSA going to realise that supporting a child is abit more than collecting as much money as they can and destroying peoples lives, both kids and parents in the process

That's really sad

jarhead66

Thank you very much Anguk and shegirl,
I just wish that the CSA would wake up and see how much heartbreak that they cause between the N.R.P.and the children, I mean what sort of scheme gives an finacial incentive to the P.W.C. to stop there kids staying the night will the N.R.P.? That rule alone much cause so much heartbreak!! The attitude of some of the staff when you phone them you can tell that they find my situation and other N.R.P's situations very funny other wise the CSA would have done something about long ago in stead of blaming the M.P's all the time!!
As for when he gets to 18 i think that he has been brain washed for the last ten year into thinking that everything he is told by my ex is true!! It does get me down at times to think off what we have missed out doing things together!! Even when he gets to 18 my ex is a bully (as i know) and i don't think that he would dare mention that he wanted to see me. plus with his disabililty its not like he could just pop out and meet me!!

shegirl

jarhead66 wrote: »

Thank you very much Anguk and shegirl,
I just wish that the CSA would wake up and see how much heartbreak that they cause between the N.R.P.and the children, I mean what sort of scheme gives an finacial incentive to the P.W.C. to stop there kids staying the night will the N.R.P.? That rule alone much cause so much heartbreak!! The attitude of some of the staff when you phone them you can tell that they find my situation and other N.R.P's situations very funny other wise the CSA would have done something about long ago in stead of blaming the M.P's all the time!!
As for when he gets to 18 i think that he has been brain washed for the last ten year into thinking that everything he is told by my ex is true!! It does get me down at times to think off what we have missed out doing things together!! Even when he gets to 18 my ex is a bully (as i know) and i don't think that he would dare mention that he wanted to see me. plus with his disabililty its not like he could just pop out and meet me!!

Thankfully only a few pwcs would use it like that though.Sadly,many seem to think all us pwcs are money grabbing itches just because we want what are children are entitled to and legally and morally the fathers are responsible for (I'm quite fuming that someone on another thread thinks it's all about us otherwise we wouldn't be narked about fathers not paying -some people really don't understand responsbility:mad:)

On the other side,with the old system and what's taken into account there are fathers who do things to reduce their payments.None of it is good is it.

The new csa system they'll have coming in won't do any favours either will it!

Lyric

Just a quick note to say.... There is an awful lot said about so called "deadbeat dads"..... and NOTHING about single dads bringing up their children with a non resident ex wife!!!!!!

Im a single dad with 2 kids (both under 12 and a disabled son). I am lucky that I get on very well with my ex and we share responsibilty of our children (They live with me but stay with their mum twice a week) financially is difficult because neither of us are well off but we get by.... My point is this..... everywhere (not just on this forum) you hear about single MOTHERS.. but nowhere do you hear anything about single FATHERS... you have David (call me Dave) Cameron saying they are going to change the rules regarding absent fathers.... NOT ABSENT PARENTS!!!!! and what about this...... If you are on housing benefit, you are not allowed to have a room for your child if they dont live with you full time.

Sorry I ranted!!! It aggreives me that everyone seems to think all seperated couples either hate eachother or its the Dads fault and hes a "waste of space" !!! I love my kids and love them living with me and im a SINGLE DAD AND PROUD!!!!

anguk

jarhead66 wrote: »

As for when he gets to 18 i think that he has been brain washed for the last ten year into thinking that everything he is told by my ex is true!! It does get me down at times to think off what we have missed out doing things together!! Even when he gets to 18 my ex is a bully (as i know) and i don't think that he would dare mention that he wanted to see me. plus with his disabililty its not like he could just pop out and meet me!!

It could be true that the ex has brainwashed him but kids are very perceptive and often when they grow up they realise what's been going on.

I understand that it could be difficult for you both to meet up, especially if the ex is against it but how about seeing if he's on Facebook? You mention that he spends lots of time in his room on the computer so my guess is that he'll be on facebook, most 17/18 year olds are. You could send him a message through that, maybe saying how much you love and miss him. Tell him it's up to him if he wants to reply, you'll respect his decision but you're there if he wants to talk. You never know he may be happy to communicate that way?

shegirl

Lyric wrote: »

Just a quick note to say.... There is an awful lot said about so called "deadbeat dads"..... and NOTHING about single dads bringing up their children with a non resident ex wife!!!!!!

Im a single dad with 2 kids (both under 12 and a disabled son). I am lucky that I get on very well with my ex and we share responsibilty of our children (They live with me but stay with their mum twice a week) financially is difficult because neither of us are well off but we get by.... My point is this..... everywhere (not just on this forum) you hear about single MOTHERS.. but nowhere do you hear anything about single FATHERS... you have David (call me Dave) Cameron saying they are going to change the rules regarding absent fathers.... NOT ABSENT PARENTS!!!!! and what about this...... If you are on housing benefit, you are not allowed to have a room for your child if they dont live with you full time.

Sorry I ranted!!! It aggreives me that everyone seems to think all seperated couples either hate eachother or its the Dads fault and hes a "waste of space" !!! I love my kids and love them living with me and im a SINGLE DAD AND PROUD!!!!

I think it's because it's more common for it to be the dad leaving etc and we here about it more.There are some amazing dads out there and a friend of mine is a single dad who does a brilliant job and tries his damndest to give his kids the best relationship they can have with their mother

I don't think everyone thinks all seperated couples hate each other,when me and ex split before we were still brilliant friends etc,could've stayed friends and everything would hve been fine,he'd still have bothered seeing his son if his new bit didn't decide to put herself in the way:mad:

Ellejmorgan

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Hi Ellejmorgan,
I've had 3 £5 payments in 14 years. Only got that because CSA took it straight from his dole money. As soon as he was working again he moved back in with his partner.

good job we don't rely on the money ain't it..

i've only been split with him this time for 6 weeks but he still owes 4 years money from before we got back together

skibadee

Not ALL dads 'leave' though.....as I stated before, some PWC take the children from their dad when they've decided to the grass is greener on the other side!!
Some NRP's are not NRPs by choice!!

'Lyric'....my OH works with 2 men in exactly the same situation as you, and you are right, everyone presumes PWC is a female and NRP is male.......this is not always the case and David Cameron needs to rephrase as do many others!

Ellejmorgan

skibadee wrote: »

Not ALL dads 'leave' though.....as I stated before, some PWC take the children from their dad when they've decided to the grass is greener on the other side!!
Some NRP's are not NRPs by choice!!

'Lyric'....my OH works with 2 men in exactly the same situation as you, and you are right, everyone presumes PWC is a female and NRP is male.......this is not always the case and David Cameron needs to rephrase as do many others!

David cameron doesn't exactly know what he's on about does he, why is anyone listening to his opinion, i'm still waiting for his fuel stabilising policy to come in..

mama7

Jarhead that's terrible, just shows how the decent ones always seem to get treated badly while the rubbish ones get away with it.

I had 7 children in 11 years with my ex and everyone said he was the perfect father. Since we split 2 years ago he has only paid me maintenance for 6 months and not seen or contacted his children in the last 15 months!! I have now not received a penny from him for over a year and if it wasn't for my new partner providing for them I don't know what I would do, things are very tight and the children have to go without a lot because of him. The csa haven't helped either faffed about for ages after he stopped paying then got a liability order and sent a letter to his parents address threatening bailiffs and by some miracle he phones them to say he has moved abroad. Last time I spoke to them my case had been put into a surveillance queue as they can't trace him in this country yet the evidence he has given them to prove he lies abroad isn't enough either so basically forget it you aren't getting a penny!! It's pathetic it really is as now I will have to spend time and money that I don't have trying to get somewhere with the remo process with no guarantee of money then either!