We are not all money grabbing layabouts

Ellejmorgan

my ex didn't pay for our daughter til she was 4, I stupidly took him back and we had another child..Have been split up for 6 weeks now and he's given me £40..£40 for 2 kids for 6 weeks..

I wonder what would happen if it was the other way round no doubt it would be the end of the world..

Own_My_Own

Hi Ellejmorgan,
I've had 3 £5 payments in 14 years. Only got that because CSA took it straight from his dole money. As soon as he was working again he moved back in with his partner.

shegirl

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Just got post and have a letter from CSA saying if they haven't heard back from ex by mid April they MAY make an interim maintenance assessment.
Do wish they'd make they minds up. Last week they told they couldn't do that !!!

I think sometimes the person you talk to phone doesn't always know what is being done and can be done.Like the woman I talked to yesterday wasn't particularly helpful,but the guy I usually talk to has been brilliant,noted everything about ex and his new life down on the system,about his jobs,told me what I can do etc.So maybe it's just a case of you've been talking to numpties on the phone lol as it's down to the assesment department rather than those who take the calls?

Fingers crossed for you that they do an interim assessment.About time you got something

shegirl

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

my ex didn't pay for our daughter til she was 4, I stupidly took him back and we had another child..Have been split up for 6 weeks now and he's given me £40..£40 for 2 kids for 6 weeks..

I wonder what would happen if it was the other way round no doubt it would be the end of the world..

It's laughable isn't it!!!

It won't be the same for everyone as there are some great dads out there,but I know from what's happened recently it's been made obvious that not only does the ex not understand how much things cost,but he doesn't understand what it means to be a parent,what you have to do and he certainly doesn't understand our sons disabilities.Pretty darn shocking really,but at least I know now!

Own_My_Own

Mine certainly doesn't understand his sons disability.
He once said
' How did he get that ? Nobody in my family has it. Doesn't your cousins boy have it?'
Don't know how I didn't kill him at that point. Had to explain through gritted teeth Austism is not hereditary !!!!

clearingout

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Mine certainly doesn't understand his sons disability.
He once said
' How did he get that ? Nobody in my family has it. Doesn't your cousins boy have it?'
Don't know how I didn't kill him at that point. Had to explain through gritted teeth Austism is not hereditary !!!!

ah yes, the 'gosh, my family and my genes and my sperm are all perfect so where on earth has that come from...must be you' thing....

Our children are 'imperfect'. Their paternal cousin is also 'imperfect'. Cousin had a major speech delay for which he received a Statement and now has a diagnosis of Aspergers. Our eldest is probably (being assessed at the moment) dyslexic and dyspraxic, our middle child has a severe speech delay (fingers crossed that's all) and our youngest is also speech delayed (too early to say if there's any other issue). Given all of these conditions are on the same 'line', it's safe to say there's some kind of genetic 'imperfection' going on. But it's my fault - as I am 'acting out via proxy'. Hmph!

shegirl

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Mine certainly doesn't understand his sons disability.
He once said
' How did he get that ? Nobody in my family has it. Doesn't your cousins boy have it?'
Don't know how I didn't kill him at that point. Had to explain through gritted teeth Austism is not hereditary !!!!

What a total pr*ck:mad: That's shocking.

Own_My_Own

I sometime wonder if ex denies our existence as it is easier than admitting his son isn't perfect.
Some of his friends and family still don't know.

jarhead66

It works both ways my son who is 17 is physical disabled and in a wheel chair, i have had no contact with him for 10 yrs now and would love to see him, but my ex will have non of it which is a great pity as we used to go everywhere together, i did try and do most things with him like camping out, football matches and taking him places so that he would have some quality of life, I do know that he thinks that i don't want to see him because he is disabled, My ex also said the same well it must be from your side of the family, but when i did look into it its from both sides!! I have heard that he does not go out much and spends most of his time in front of his computer in his bedroom, while my ex spends alot of time drinking, I have no chance of seeing him as social services have a pile of paperwork like war and peace about my violence, drinking and drug dealing and taking, because when i went to see social services they showed me the file, when i told them it was not true i was told that i had to prove that it was not in court before they would consider letting me see my kids, then it would only be for a few hours supervised,
I did go and seek legal advice but was told that i was only entilted to £350 legal aid and that the bill could go up to £6000, So I contact the CSA and asked if they would consider reducing my payments so that i could goto court and was told that "the welfare and well being of your children is of no concern to us" just the collection of maintenance, When is the CSA going to realise that supporting a child is abit more than collecting as much money as they can and destroying peoples lives, both kids and parents in the process

anguk

jarhead66 wrote: »

It works both ways my son who is 17 is physical disabled and in a wheel chair, i have had no contact with him for 10 yrs now and would love to see him, but my ex will have non of it which is a great pity as we used to go everywhere together, i did try and do most things with him like camping out, football matches and taking him places so that he would have some quality of life, I do know that he thinks that i don't want to see him because he is disabled, My ex also said the same well it must be from your side of the family, but when i did look into it its from both sides!! I have heard that he does not go out much and spends most of his time in front of his computer in his bedroom, while my ex spends alot of time drinking, I have no chance of seeing him as social services have a pile of paperwork like war and peace about my violence, drinking and drug dealing and taking, because when i went to see social services they showed me the file, when i told them it was not true i was told that i had to prove that it was not in court before they would consider letting me see my kids, then it would only be for a few hours supervised,
I did go and seek legal advice but was told that i was only entilted to £350 legal aid and that the bill could go up to £6000, So I contact the CSA and asked if they would consider reducing my payments so that i could goto court and was told that "the welfare and well being of your children is of no concern to us" just the collection of maintenance, When is the CSA going to realise that supporting a child is abit more than collecting as much money as they can and destroying peoples lives, both kids and parents in the process

That's awful. When is your son 18, would you be able to contact him directly then as he would be an adult?