We are not all money grabbing layabouts

Own_My_Own

Hi, I have never posted a thread before, but it seems that pwc seem to always be accused of trying to screw there ex-partners.
We are not all like that.
I work 16 hours a week and get wtc and ctc. I would love to work more hours but my oldest child has Aspergers and I need flexibility.
My ex walked out 15 years ago when our (I use that word lightly) second child was 6 weeks old.
I have never received a penny in help from him in the last14 years.
He lives about 10 mins away from me with his partner and her youngest child.
I am in the process of trying again with CSA, to get some money for my children.
They phoned me out of the blue last Wed, then sent me a letter saying they had reassessed my claim, and I would be receiving the same amount, as there was no change in his circs at this time.
As stated before I GET NO MONEY!
On phoning them up, they said they had phoned him and written. (To the wrong address)
I have had to give them the correct address, but they have told me not to get my hopes up as it would appear he is self-employed.
It is very upsetting for my daughter knowing that he is again going to Dubai and India on holiday this year, (via facebook)when we are going nowhere.
I have today found out where his partner works, but don't know if CSA would be interested in this.(On old CSA)
I am not trying to take her wage off her, IT IS HER MONEY!, but she does know we are here and has been quite happy for my ex to help raise and support her children, while he ignores mine.

I do not get benefits because I want to, I need them.
If he had not walked out to be with someone else I would not have claimed them in the first place.

shegirl

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Hi, I have never posted a thread before, but it seems that pwc seem to always be accused of trying to screw there ex-partners.
We are not all like that.
I work 16 hours a week and get wtc and ctc. I would love to work more hours but my oldest child has Aspergers and I need flexibility.
My ex walked out 15 years ago when our (I use that word lightly) second child was 6 weeks old.
I have never received a penny in help from him in the last14 years.
He lives about 10 mins away from me with his partner and her youngest child.
I am in the process of trying again with CSA, to get some money for my children.
They phoned me out of the blue last Wed, then sent me a letter saying they had reassessed my claim, and I would be receiving the same amount, as there was no change in his circs at this time.
As stated before I GET NO MONEY!
On phoning them up, they said they had phoned him and written. (To the wrong address)
I have had to give them the correct address, but they have told me not to get my hopes up as it would appear he is self-employed.
It is very upsetting for my daughter knowing that he is again going to Dubai and India on holiday this year, (via facebook)when we are going nowhere.
I have today found out where his partner works, but don't know if CSA would be interested in this.(On old CSA)
I am not trying to take her wage off her, IT IS HER MONEY!, but she does know we are here and has been quite happy for my ex to help raise and support her children, while he ignores mine.

I do not get benefits because I want to, I need them.
If he had not walked out to be with someone else I would not have claimed them in the first place.

Quite agree and it's something that narks me.Another thing is,there are nrps who moan about the fact that they have to pay more than they want to and say it's unfair,we don't need it,we must be money grabbing itches,what about us paying Well,it's not much in reality is it?Bit of money each week,not a huge responsibility,maybe they should try looking after their kids 24 hours a day on their own and see who does more for those kids!Nevermind us having to pay too!

Mark148

OMO you have my deepest of admiration and respect for the manner in which you have 'cracked on' and raised your children with nil support from their biological father. Your children will understand this when they are of an age too fully appreciate how hard it has been for you and how easy it has been for there biological father. I use that term 'biological father' because that would appear to be the only element he has contributed to their lives.

In your circumstances I would most definitely inform the CSA of all the information you have with regards to your ex's new partner because he has a responsibility to your children that is not being fulfilled and she now shares in that responsibility by osmosis. The new partner must obviously know that your ex contributes nil to his children and yet they raise theirs in comfort. Obviously under CSA2 this would not be possible to include her income but as you are on the old rules then I believe that you should use this in your favour and go for it. Remember that you are doing it for the best interests of your children which he has an obligation to meet.

I wish you and your family all the best and once again would like to express my admiration and respect for the manner in which you have conducted yourself:T

Own_My_Own

Thanks for replying, was beginning to think nobody agreed with me.
I would have been happy with him just treating the kids, if he didn't want to give me anything. My daughter calls him 'the waste of space'. Quite sad really.

clearingout

Own my own, unfortunately the stereotyping sticks in the throat and means we all have something of a cross to bear when it comes to separated parenting. I get fed up of the negativity associated with 'single mums' but I equally realise that there are plenty of dads out there who must be fed up with their negative 'couldn't give a ?!"£ about their children' when it simply isn't true.

Challenge the stereotypes when you can. But don't let it eat you up and take over your life.

Own_My_Own

Clearingout,
I have deepest sympathy with NRPs who are being robbed by CSA.
It would appear that there is a 2 tier system in CSA. They ignore the NRPs they cannot find easily and kill the ones they have.
Easy work maybe.
I do not judge all absent parents in the same light. Some of my friends children have lovely relationships with their NRP.
It just seems to me that alot of theads on here seemed one sided, and often quite
spiteful. Some of the name calling towards PWC is horrendous.

jarhead66

I think that most people on this site know that there is both good and bad on both sides (N.R.P. & P.W.C.) I can speak from personal experience, what i had to go through from when i was with her and after i had the courage to leave her, right from being a victim of domestic violence (yes is does happen to blokes) broken ribs, punched full in the face when asleep in front of my son, having the embarressment of going to work with my face in shreads after she had clawed my face, she mostly done this because she knew that i was taught not to hit women, having my bank card took from my wallet and taking money out!! and being told on a daily basis that i was lucky to have her as no one would put up with me! i did try and stick it out for the sake of my kids, but there just came a point where enough was enough.
Then when i did leave her, after 6 months i got a g/f then she started again, this time i was a women beater, who used to rape her and abuse her, left her short of money, abuse my kids. alcoholic,drug user. which some people believed, my g/f was beat up and i had my car stolen and damaged a number of times. Then to add to all this i was being reassessed every few which by the CSA by her request as she once said to me "i am going to make sure that the CSA break you!" and they did try!! and to top it all she stopped me seeing my two kids, and told everyone that i didn't want to see them, even got me arrested for trying. My two kids are now totally against me, after her brain washing.
Well i went through all that only be told by David Cameron that i am a dead beat dad who is worse that a drink driver and should be out cast of society.
I know that i am not totally blamless want person can say they are? but i did try, I know that i will laughed at by a few people on here but i feel that i have to get my point across. All that i am saying that the CSA and social services played into her hands perfectly. I now have a heart problem brought on by all the stress, when i told the CSA that i had to go for treatment and that i would not be able to work the over time that they wanted me to i was told it was my fault and not there problem!!

sorry for the rant!!!

Own_My_Own

Hi jarhead66,
I hope that in the future , when your children are old enough, (you don't say their ages) that they realise it was their Mother. Children take in alot more than we give them credit for. I am sure that as they grow up they will start to realise the lies they have been feed.
You have done your best, and no more can be asked of anybody than their best. If nothing else, you can hold your head high in knowing that.

kevin137

Own_My_Own wrote: »

I have today found out where his partner works, but don't know if CSA would be interested in this.(On old CSA)
I am not trying to take her wage off her, IT IS HER MONEY!, but she does know we are here and has been quite happy for my ex to help raise and support her children, while he ignores mine.

It should of been assessed using her income as well being on old rules (csa1) That assessment would not take money from her, but it would be safe to assume she would end up paying for more of the stuff for there home.

It is not about taking her money, it is about supporting his child.

Which brings me to the 2nd point, the reason so many women get flamed is because there attitude comes across wrong, and yours is NO different.

My point is this "she has been quite happy for my ex to help raise and support her children, while he ignores mine" now read it back and see how that comes across...? If you come across like that in other ways you could well expect to get flamed... Why the hell should he raise YOUR kid...?

Own_My_Own

They are MY children, as I am the only parent they know, or has taken any interest in them all their lives.
They may be their fathers responsibility,but he lost the right to call them HIS children when he stopped acknowledging they existence 14 years ago.
If he wanted them to be his children he would not walk pass them in the street as if they were strangers !
It was his choice to do this. We are simply something that happened in his past.

In my other post you replied my case had gone clerical because 'he had refused to be involved with them' (Children, CSA or both ?)

I am sorry if wording upset you, but I am very protective of My family.

kevin137

No it didn't upset me, but you have to look at how it reads...

You want him to be financially responsible for YOUR children, but they are not HIS.

And i understand that him walking out etc has a big bearing on how you see things, but there are in reality still his children wether you or him like it....!!!

In your other post i mean CSA, there are many reasons it can go clerical, but don't stress about it, it makes no real difference, especially if he is a deadbeat father that avoids them like the plague...

just sit back and think that you did the right thing, and they will catch up with him one day...!