What More Can I do To Help My Son?

mountainofdebt

I personally wouldn't say the OP's son lied about having a disability.....although if I was in HR I woudl find it a little strange that it wasn't mentioned before all the hassle started iyswim.

Personally I reiterate the comments I made earlier - I would be advising my son to get the hell out of there and encourage him to look for another position, if only for the benefit of his mental health

Chr1s

Thank you for that information Nightingale. I have never heard of an A2W, so I will look into that.

Chr1s

Mountainofdebt, 3 years ago HR were the ones who had noticed that all the difficulties relating to my son were beginning to follow a pattern. Therefore my wife thought it only fair that she should tell them why this could be. As our son had gained control of most of the symptoms by the time he started work at 19 he did not, and still has problems accepting that he has differences. Like a lot of people with difficulties, he doesn't like to mention them in any area of his life, not just work.

We, as a family, have been trying to get him to leave for almost 3 years, but he wont. After having his lack of abilities pointed out to him in a demeaning way, after being moved from the front line as it were to behind the scenes, after having serious concerns completely ignored and, after being told countless times by the same person that you are the problem, it's bound to have a negative affect. He's now having major problems in many areas regarding his well being, but because he has such low self esteem now, he just doesn't have the confidence to move on or face new situations, so he'd rather stay where he is. Besides he enjoys the actual job.

I can understand why the majority of people can't understand why we don't make him leave, but we can't. Yes he has his difficulties, but he is also entitled to make his own choices, whether we agree with them are not (within reason!). All I can do as his father is support him the best way I can in order for him to achieve his aims. If we treated our son the same way as he has been treated at work we would have been done for some sort of neglect, so why should this be different for an employer ? Our son has spent years getting to where he was a year or so ago, along with the help of occupational and speech therapists, CBT and a tailored education. He put his heart and soul to achieve what most people take for granted and as a family we have and will continue to back him all the way.

He wants to work and not sit about all day, he wants to contribute to society rather than sponge of it, and he has the right to do that. How many times do we hear about young people this, young people that, yet when there are young people trying to fit into society and contribute in a positive way, they lack the support they need in order to do this.

We were told our son would never live independantly let alone work, so to all those who support my son, this is a big deal.

I'm sorry if I have come across as sharp in anyway, I don't mean to. It's just that this is heartbreaking to watch after all his hard work.

Chr1s

Yesterday I managed to have a chat with the CAB. They have told us that our son doesn't have to attend the meeting with the people who have been suggested. We are told that because they are still being investigated regarding the allegations my son has made against them, that it would be deemed inappropriate for them to conduct the meeting. So all we can now do is wait for them to hopefully get back into contact with us before he is due to return to work tomorrow.

Chr1s

After the previous advice was given to us by the CAB I sent an email to the employment coach within the company, stating the reasons we objected to the return to work meeting which was planned for the 28th March. Within a couple of days and without any problems an alternative meeting has been arranged with an Area Union Rep (not the one who gave us the previous advice), an employment coach and a PM from a different store. This meeting has been arranged for the 4th April. If only things could have been dealt with like this previously, so many things could have been avoided. Anyway ...

I now have my next question if anybody could answer it for me. As this is a return to works meeting does my son have to answer any questions put to him in connection with the ET. We don't know where we stand. We have been told that he can't discuss anything to do with the ET and that any questions which relate to the ET are to be made directly to our sons solicitor. The problem is how can he not mention things within the ET which would help them to understand the problems he is having at work ?

Our son really wants to go back to work, and it now seems the company are at least trying to accommadate him i.e. changing the suggested people. I feel that if we tell them to direct relivent questions to his solicitor, this may get their backs up and they may decide that our son is being awkward, which is the last thing he wants to be. Any suggestions as to how this can be addressed would again be appreciated.

Chr1s

The ET claims are for victimisation, Disability discrimination and Harassment.

Today we received a copy of the Health Referral Report from his company. It doesn't really say much. It lists my sons disbilities (developmental delay, dyspraxia and dysphasia) but apart from that it doesn't say much else. It say " It is likely that X will meet the criteria for the equality act and therefore any reasonable adjustments or leniency that you can show in this regard which helps to maintain him in employment would be the right thing to do. It is very difficult to be specific in suggesting reasonable adjustments that may help but clearly, you will be discussing with him his working hours and role to make sure they are appropriate and any other issue at work which may be causing upset initiating unacceptable behaviour"

Taking this onboard how can we not mention previous issues?

Googlewhacker

Have you spoke to the solicitor?

MY view and it is only my view is that you don't talk about the past but you talk about the future and what can help your son, if it overlaps then so be it.

However if the company try to talk about past events that is when you politely say you have been instructed not to talk about this.

Also my view is that if your son carries on with the ET after the company have made the reasonable adjustments and presuming everything goes ok then its not reasonable on your sons part...but that is just my view and one that most will prob disagree with

moremore

Chris, your son's place of work sounds like a company that a friend of mine works for....will say they will do adjustments but this never materialises.

My friend has a disability but not in a wheelchair which is the only disability that manager can see and only then will recognised a disability therefore a person in a wheelchair or will an obvious visible disability will be treated as a disabled emplolyee Any other kind of a disability it seems you must go around with it written on your forehead what your disability is...and then you will have to prove it to them.

My good friend had AtoW in for adjustments a year ago and would you believe it HR never heard of AtoW before then…. and the company is a PLC that employs about 300 people in just one of their stores. The equipment has not been purchased by the company they keep putting it off as they do not want other employees saying that they got a disability and the company will have to pay for equipment for them as well.

Wish you and your son the best with this...and do not let the beggers get you or your son down.

Chr1s

Hi Googlewacker - No I haven’t spoken with the solicitor. She was employed to deal with the ET and all that entails, except representation, on a fixed fee basis. This means any questions that don’t relate to the ET carries additional charges. Taking this onboard and because of finances we can’t really afford to be charged extra, every time we ask a question, which is what will happen (as DLS rightly informed me). So I’m now trying to deal with this as much as I can and only go to her if I become stuck or unable to find the answer via research/forums.

Regarding your second paragraph, that is exactly what we intend to do. I’m just worried in case they keep pushing for answers. Neither my son, wife or myself are very assertive and, there is a possibility that they may intimidate us. I only have this view because this is what has happened in the past and I just don‘t want it to happen again.

We know in some cases it can take up to 3 years, depending on how complicated the case is. If within that 3 year period (or however long it takes), the changes that need to take place within his working environment have taken place, the treatment he has been on the receiving end of and, the people involved in that treatment are addressed professionally and, he is treated with the same respect and given the same opportunities as anyone else within the company, he will without doubt think twice about going ahead with the ET claims.

Chr1s

Hi moremore and thank you for your comment.

You’re right in regards to what is deemed a disability to some managers, or in fact other people. As you said unless it’s an obvious physical disability, they tend not to take it seriously or, even realise how debilitating some “seemingly invisible“ illness can be. The less compassionate out there will even stoop low enough to make fun of it or accuse people of using it as an excuse. Any disability or illness, whether obvious or not should be treated with the concerns/seriousness that are put forward by the person in question. After all who knows how the illness/disability affects them more than themselves.

My son is very lucky in the fact that if previously taught coping methods are used, his condition can be improved, which in effect enhance all areas of his life. So although at this moment in time (it has been a gradual decline over along period), the symptoms of his disabilities are quite bad, with the right treatment, support and without the constant bullying he is under going, he can get back (fingers crossed) to where he was before all this started. He has now been off work since the 15th February due to illness. For the first 6 weeks it was down to work related stress, although the one he received this week states depression. As stupid as this sounds him being out of work is making him worse. He has always been a grafter, be it at school, college or work, so for him to be doing nothing and with plenty of time to think about the situation, really isn’t helping him.

Regarding your point about verbally agreeing to make reasonable adjustments and not implementing them. This is the one of the reason he has taken it to the ET. We know that they can’t force change as it were and that no new law will be created . One of the reasonable adjustment my son is after is to have another person sharing the workload (team of 4 down to 1 although workload remains the same). As I see it this isn’t a reasonable adjustment as it’s a fact that 2 people should be in the warehouse, but because of the companies refusal to accept this, this is now seen as a reasonable adjustment to us. The mind simply boggles!

Regards to letting the b*ggers get us down … every time I feel like giving up the fight for my son, I look at the damage to him that has occurred and continues to occur as a result of his treatment, and believe me that’s more than enough to stop feeling sorry for myself and keep focussed.

Regarding your friends situation, I would get your friend to politely remind them of the adjustments that were agreed to, in writing. If no suitable response is forthcoming within 7-14 days, I would then suggest that your friend lets them (HR?) know (again in writing) that she/he is not happy with the response, or lack of response that she/he have received, and that they have been left with no other option other than taking it to the area personnel manager. Hopefully this will work and get her/his manager to take her/him seriously, therefore making the adjustments needed. As far as any other employees disclosing disabilities as a result of the adjustment taking place, that is not your friends problem and has nothing to do with what her/his needs are. Besides if there are other people with disabilities who are too afraid to disclose them, this may be their only opportunity to speak up for themselves, so why not? Either way this isn't your friends problem. I wish your friend all the best and I hope she/he gets the adjustments she/he needs.