can a lodger be a lodger when he's a boyfriend?

spottydottydodah

Hiya, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and things are going well. I would like to move tentatively forward with our lives together but not too fast, and have issues about sharing money/becoming dependant for reasons I shall go into below.

I currently rent a house on a lifetime tenancy agreement with a social landlord and due to a long term disability leaving me unable to work, I also receive DLA, Incapacity benefit, plus council tax and housing benefit since I split from my husband and now live alone. I do not find it easy, but I am able to manage myself without any help, (other than being very gratefully dependant on the State of course!) and would like to avoid the power shift that one partner being dependant on the other can cause.

My boyfriend and I do not share money as a couple as we both feel it is too early for that, so we each pay our way, but soon he is finishing university as a mature student (he's 27, i'm 30) and will have nowhere to live and will be looking for a job etc. We have discussed the possibility of living together but I am not keen to go down the route of being dependant on another man so soon as I think it would leave me much worse off financially, for which I would then have to rely on him to make up the short fall in order to pay the basic bills.

Is there any way he could move in as an official lodger and pay rent and keep our finances separate? I know that I am allowed a lodger as long as I declare the rent which will be allowed for in the amount of housing benefit I receive, and ordinarily a standard lodger would have no impact upon my rights to benefit as long as I declare the rent. But does all this become null and void if the lodger is my boyfriend; will he automatically be assumed to share his finances? I don't want to do anything that would risk me getting into trouble.

I am also just nearing the end of my year of bankruptcy following a separation from my Ex husband which left a lot of joint debt I simply could not afford to service so I am wary of becoming dependant on another man for finances so soon, and also concerned what my credit rating might do to my boyfriend's.

Of course, if things went well and we decided to be/ have a family together, I would expect us to share finances again, its just this intervening period where I feel uncomfortable doing it, and yet, there are other reasons it would make sense!

Any advice gratefully received; ultimately, as the title of the thread says; can a lodger be a lodger when he's a boyfriend?

[Deleted User]

Well the correct answer is no....
But do you have a spare room for him?
I think personally you don't sound ready to live with someone again if you feel like that about money?

HappyMJ

I would answer yes a lodger can be a lodger if he is a boyfriend....but benefits are involved so it becomes messy. Very messy. Can he not move near you and just stay over regularly?

spottydottydodah

Yep, it is the benefits messy bit i'm afraid of!!

Yes, there is a room I could rent out as the house has two bedrooms.

I know he would really like to live together and I am not hugely against it, I like having him around, other than perhaps enjoying my own space a bit too much at times!

Also I guess it would save him money as he wouldn't have to rent and run a separate home to only live in four nights a week! It makes sense to live together, but I don't want to do it at the expense of looking after me- apologies if that sounds selfish but the past experiences have taught me to consider myself in the mix too!

issy0503

I was very wary of having my BF move in with me after having been a single mum for many years, but we did it and its fine, informing all the authorities is a pain and I had to wait 5 weeks for a new T C claim for a couple, but it is good knowing you are within the law. It is nice sharing things again but it does take alot of getting used to ! Give it a go, you might be pleasently surprised !

Soapn

how can you rent a room out to him when you are getting council tax benefit and housing benefit to pay for the place you are in.

HappyMJ

Soapn wrote: »

how can you rent a room out to him when you are getting council tax benefit and housing benefit to pay for the place you are in.

No problem. Just declare the income. The first £20 or so does not affect benefits at all and then 50% of the rest of the rent charged to the lodger affects benefits.

SuziQ

Also I guess it would save him money as he wouldn't have to rent and run a separate home to only live in four nights a week!

Do you mean here that he would be staying with you 3 nights a week? I only ask as there is a popular urban myth that you are allowed to have someone stay with you 3 nights a week without it affecting your benefits-which isn't true. There is no such number -it's much more complex than that.

BigAunty

spottydottydodah wrote: »

Hiya, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and things are going well. I would like to move tentatively forward with our lives together but not too fast, and have issues about sharing money/becoming dependant for reasons I shall go into below.

...

Is there any way he could move in as an official lodger and pay rent and keep our finances separate?

No - all your motivation, experiences and personal preferences are totally irrelevant.

The means tested benefit system since inception has been structured in such a way that it expects and demands couples who live together to mutually support and assist each other and it will always look at their income as a single household, not as separate individuals.

You can set up your finances at a personal level however you wish but from a benefits perspective, your income will be considered a joint sum.

A couple can usually live much more cheaply together than separately as there is only one lot of rent, council tax, energy, water, insurance, tv/telecoms bills, plus food buying is cheaper in bulk.

Therefore, you should download the MSE budget planner and do a before and after moving in analysis and you can actually model the potential savings from a combined household, not just your reduction in means tested benefits.

princess*daisy

I can't actually believe this thread! My partner and I live together, but are mostly financially independent from each other. Basically we don't have any joint accounts or joint debts, I pay the mortgage as the house is in my name and I earn more. He chips in for bills, council tax and groceries. However, I would never consider him to be a "lodger"! Either you are a couple or not, end of. Regardless of how you choose to manage your financial affairs between you, if you are a couple and live together, you should rightfully be treated as such. If couples could live as "lodgers", then everyone would be doing it to claim extra benefits!

HappyMJ

princess*daisy wrote: »

I can't actually believe this thread! My partner and I live together, but are mostly financially independent from each other. Basically we don't have any joint accounts or joint debts, I pay the mortgage as the house is in my name and I earn more. He chips in for bills, council tax and groceries. However, I would never consider him to be a "lodger"! Either you are a couple or not, end of. Regardless of how you choose to manage your financial affairs between you, if you are a couple and live together, you should rightfully be treated as such. If couples could live as "lodgers", then everyone would be doing it to claim extra benefits!

Is no-one allowed to ask question's on here. The OP does not want extra benefits they in fact said they would declare the income received and it would affect their housing benefit claim and the OP would get less. They are just asking the question. I would imagine the OP does not want to lose all benefits and be totally dependant on someone else for all money but losing some would be OK. You obviously work and pay your own mortgage which would not be covered by benefits but if you stopped working for whatever reason would you expect your partner to pay your mortgage and still have no claim on your property? As soon as your partner is seen as contributing to the mortgae or the maintenance of the property then he can have a claim on the property.

It is possible for two unrelated friends to live together and potentially not quite be a couple as yet and claim as two seperate single people.