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What would you do?

1246

Comments

  • HappyMJ
    HappyMJ Posts: 21,115 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    FBaby wrote: »
    If she prepared to lose everything, her partner, her children if she ends up in jail because she has been cheating the system for many years (assuming it takes years for her to get caught?)
    It is highly unlikely she would be sent to jail. Assuming she does get caught after years of claiming then the sentencing guidelines for a person pleading guilty to a fraud conviction against benefits that are not fraudulent from the outset but over a number of years is a community order.
    :footie:
    :p Regular savers earn 6% interest (HSBC, First Direct, M&S) :p Loans cost 2.9% per year (Nationwide) = FREE money. :p
  • missmontana
    missmontana Posts: 1,994 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Surely they would wonder where she was living and how she was paying for that if not claiming HB/LHA.
    And what about the council tax? Is he just paying for him with 25% single persons discount?
    They will come unstuck at some point.
    Is the 8 month old her husbands? His name would be on the birth certificate...
    She'll have to go to the JC+ at some point, or they will stop all her money surely?
    Be who you are, say what you feel, those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind.
    They say that talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness. So I talk to the cats instead.
  • One thing that does come to mind, depending on how close your relationship is as to whether she would confide in you, could there be any other underlying or hidden reason she would need additional income (other than the obvious of just wanting more)? Trying to hide other outstanding debts, gambling or similar? It may be that other things drive the need that simply cutting back on spending wouldn't cure and would need to be tackled at the same time.
  • What a rotten position for you to be in.:( She will probably be asked to produce her marriage certificate, so she will have to be up front about the info. But you are in a real pickle, and I feel for you.

    I couldn't shop anyone, let alone my own kith and kin, but I would be angry and disappointed if I was put in such a position. :mad: I hope that she sees sense, and reports her change of circumstances voluntarily.

    And it's really nasty of the poster who said that because you brought her up, you should take responsibility for the way she's turned out. Since Adam and Eve, parents have done their best to impart their good values to their offspring, which is fine until they go to nursery or school, and mix with others!

    Take care.

    xx
  • iluvmarmite
    iluvmarmite Posts: 589 Forumite
    edited 25 March 2012 at 7:54AM

  • Dunroamin wrote: »
    As you're the person who brought her up, you really need to take some responsibility for the way she's turned out - the fact that you are still encouraging her to lie rather underlines this, I'm afraid.

    What a sanctimonious attitude. Okay, so the OP's daughter is not disclosing information regarding her benefits. But to take this and then make such all-encompassing statements as "take some responsibility for the way she's turned out" is...well...ignorant.

    You haven't met these people, you know nothing about them apart from what has been written on here.

    I'd worry alot more about the way someone who makes such statements has been brought-up. At least the OP is aware of what is going on, has come to the forum for some constructive advice and has the humility to be open and honest about something that is troubling them. They've now been to speak to their daughter and try to work things out and come to a solution.

    People who come on here and make 'judgements' need to take a look at themselves before they start moralising.

    'Dunroamin'...unless you live in a Monastary, have taken a vow of silence, have no contact with the outside world and sleep on a spike...then you have, at some point in your life, been dishonest...to whatever degree. Dishonesty is dishonesty...and we are all guilty of it.

    'iluvmarmite'...good luck to you. This situation has many difficult facets for you to deal with. It isn't 'black and white'...and from your posts, it seems like you are dealing with the issue in a sensible, mature and thoughtful fashion:)
  • Dunroamin
    Dunroamin Posts: 16,908 Forumite
    What a sanctimonious attitude. Okay, so the OP's daughter is not disclosing information regarding her benefits. But to take this and then make such all-encompassing statements as "take some responsibility for the way she's turned out" is...well...ignorant.

    You haven't met these people, you know nothing about them apart from what has been written on here.

    I'd worry alot more about the way someone who makes such statements has been brought-up. At least the OP is aware of what is going on, has come to the forum for some constructive advice and has the humility to be open and honest about something that is troubling them. They've now been to speak to their daughter and try to work things out and come to a solution.

    People who come on here and make 'judgements' need to take a look at themselves before they start moralising.

    'Dunroamin'...unless you live in a Monastary, have taken a vow of silence, have no contact with the outside world and sleep on a spike...then you have, at some point in your life, been dishonest...to whatever degree. Dishonesty is dishonesty...and we are all guilty of it.

    'iluvmarmite'...good luck to you. This situation has many difficult facets for you to deal with. It isn't 'black and white'...and from your posts, it seems like you are dealing with the issue in a sensible, mature and thoughtful fashion:)

    Whether or not anyone has themselves been dishonest ( and I would deny the fact that everybody is) doesn't make any difference to recognising and condemning dishonesty when you come acros it.

    The reason I was so negative to the OP was that, despite the mess her niece is in already, she was still encouraging her to lie to the authorities, despite the fact that she also says that she doesn't condone the theft of this money.

    It seemed to me that the OP's niece had probably absorbed the ideas that she was brought up with, as most of us do.
  • xylophone
    xylophone Posts: 45,745 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    "It seemed to me that the OP's niece had probably absorbed the ideas that she was brought up with, as most of us do."

    And some don't! Ask any parent who has seen a beloved and carefully brought up child go to the bad!

    And how do you explain it when three out of four of someone's children live law-abiding lives but one doesn't?

    Any parents can only do their best for their children - they can offer all the good advice in the world but nothing says the child has to take it!

    Conversely there are children who survive poor upbringing and live exemplary lives.

    Have you ever heard the old proverb about horses and water?

    There is such a thing as free will!
  • System
    System Posts: 178,374 Community Admin
    10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    If it were me i'd tell her to either own up or i would report her, hoping that the threat of reporting her and knowing you won't let her continue to lie might kick some sense into her. Sounds like she has been getting away with it for a long time so her mindset is she won't get caught, but with the way things are going she is going to get caught at some point and its better that she owns up now. Not a situation i'd wish on anyone. There's only so much you can do.

    I would never commit fraud but i know if i did my parents would be ashamed of me and probably disown me.

    She needs to know this can't continue.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • ALIBOBSY
    ALIBOBSY Posts: 4,527 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I used to work at the DWP and even a few years ago we used to get marriage notifications from the link to the registras computer system. (we used to get death notifications as well).
    If she only recently got married she will probably find sometime after the end of the tax year some kind of match will be thrown up. TBH a neighbour could dob her in as the marriage bit is less important than the fact they are living together. I assume they lived together first and a neighbour could juast report the living together bit and it will all come out.
    There are numerous ways a match will be thrown up from HMRC/tax credits/child ben/dwp/regisrars systems etc all of which link via various matching services.

    TBH I think as she is family its hard to tell on her yourself and as a mum I could understand why. But you need to lay it on thick that what she is doing is fraud and theft and is that an example she wants to set her child? Point out that it will be found out eventually and the longer it goes on the worse it will look.

    Ali x
    "Overthinking every little thing
    Acknowledge the bell you cant unring"

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