Nightmare flatmate has moved partner in

hoojaa

Well, spurred on by some of the responses I've gotten here I chased the flatmate and managed to get a response. Unfortunately not 100% what I wanted but not a disaster. She is still leaving - excellent! Apparently her bf *does* have a place of his own (she says he recently moved closer) - erm, I suspect this is a lie but at least it's a lie I can hold her too! She says that 'of course he will be here more now that they are living near to each other'.

The last point was good because it allowed me to respond and sound understanding, but also to say 'every other night is ok, any more than 50% of a month and we will need to talk to the landlord about splitting rent/bills etc'. I also told her that the bf shouldn't have a key - really why does he need it if he has his own place?

I suspect she will reply again (she doesn't like being told) and either (implicitly or explicitly) agree to the arrangement, or complain, thereby confirming she *is* intending for her bf to stay full-time. Either way if the deal is breached I will inform her and then go straight to the LL. I'll have given her fair warning.

I'll ask the LL to choose between some options: to get the bf on the contract and therefore make him liable for rent, bills etc - at least I get to save some cash from this route; to evict the bf (I've read that he may be classed as an 'excluded occupier' as he has no contract and pays no rent?) - I believe once evicted he wouldn't legally be allowed back in the property; or to consider winding up the tenancy and re-signing with me.

If the LL contacts her, this should give the flatmate the kick she needs to get serious about this. You can't go around pulling stunts like this! I've told her clearly, I suspect the LL will too. MAYBE her attitude will improve if she feels a bit at risk too - I think it would be a real problem for her if the LL cancelled our tenancy. (I should note I also gave her a full desciption of just how hectic my life is right now and how I don't have time to mess around i.e. I am serious). It would certainly be nice if she realised she needed me on side and made an effort!

@mimimt - I really sympathise, unlucky me my flat *before* this I left due to constant late night music. The guy was actually quite nice and we got on fine, but he kept getting drunk and having friends round all week long and I never got any sleep, it was driving me mental.

@dimbo61 - precisely. I could afford to rent my own place but in London, wow what a large chunk of my income that is. As for getting on the property ladder... I believe there are some fairly huge threads on these forums covering that exact topic already! Quite the challenge for single people with no real outside support.

poppysarah

Is she spending an equivalent amount of time at his place?

poppysarah

"The last point was good because it allowed me to respond and sound understanding, but also to say 'every other night is ok, any more than 50% of a month ..."

What do yuo think every other night is?

hoojaa

@poppysarah: she is spending no time at his place. She spends every night at my place. As does he. For two weeks now. He eats here, sleeps here, showers here, comes home from work, to here. I am convinced he does not have a place. Some of the stuff he's moved in is fairly 'permanent' looking - I mean he's got masses of bathroom stuff, not just an overnight bag - it's like a mini chest of drawers and it's full. There is also loads of stuff in our lounge, supposedly 'to be moved out' but really I think it's just his stuff.

Re: 'Every other night' - I think this means one night at the flat, one night not at the flat. At maximum, this would mean 50% of the time he could stay. Which is why I said 'any more than 50% and...'. Currently he is staying 100% of the time. Getting that down to half would be a result for me.

Barneygumble_2

Good luck!

Yorkie1

I advise against getting the LL to 'get the bf onto the contract'. This would probably constitute a new contract between the 3 of you and the LL couldn't do anything to evict anyone for another 6 months - and neither would any of you be able to give notice in that time.

You've been advised to find your copy of the lease. Do go and locate it and post up a) how long the fixed tenancy term is, and b) the specific date it started.

rentergirl

hoojaa wrote: »

Hi rentergirl: you're right, we do not like each other anymore, which is why it was so great she said she was leaving. And it made sense. It's extremely confusing what she's doing now.

We got on fine at first, both fairly busy independent types. But my career changed gear and I'm locked into a lot of long hours and studying - I'm trying to keep my social life intact too so I'm just not in the flat much. I leave early and get back very late every day. On the weekends I try to study quietly then go out, if I'm even there. At the same time she went part-time, started staying in the flat a lot, and really began to turn it into her 'domain'. I'm clean, quiet and reliable but she looks down on everything I do - for instance if I buy some house supply she'll throw it away and replace it with the 'right' brand... if I move something it gets moved back... stuff like that. One of the dirty tricks I mentioned was taking down my washing when still wet, leaving it to go mouldy. Apparently she's allowed to dry clothes but I am not! We are now a complete mismatch.

It's not precisely that I think the bf needs to 'chip in' (although he clearly should) - it's that I think/was hoping it is actually illegal for him to 'move in' without my permission. With him there all the time they now outnumber me and the already tense situation becomes worse. It used to be that she would stay at his place sometimes, which seemed fair-ish - but now he doesn't seem to have his own place so they are always in my flat. I would never have agreed to him staying. As others have noted I also seem to be liable - if the landlord decides this is a breach of contract or that the bf having a key is against the rules he could punish both of us, not just her.

The fact that he has moved in AND the fact I wasn't even consulted are both pretty irritating, but seperate, issues.

I am definitely due a frank conversation with her. One of us is leaving, I just hope it's her. I like the flat, and I've done nothing wrong.

When it's over it's over, and if it's her fault, well in any case: it's every tenant for themselves. So go to the landlord, explain that you will take of the rental agreement, but that she has said she's leaving. She still might not go. And you soooooo have to talk with her. But speaking to the landlord might at least ensure a good reference, and get you first dibs on the flat. Couples never want a 2 bed - so that's some good news.

getmore4less

Surly you need to give notice that this joint tenacy is ending.

Has this been done officialy?


Any new tenacy on your own is your business with the landlord.

Given you were allready having issues mIght be best to have ended the tenancy and not told her that you intended to start a new one and stay.

hoojaa

Hi getmore4less: in her slightly rude and very rambling reply she said she thought she was 'doing me a favour' by informing me, and she won't speak to the LL until she needs to give the one month's notice. She was clearly wriggling but I got her to confirm I could offer the room to other people for 1 May. *If* this is true that one month isn't far off, I don't see what the fuss is - she should just talk to the LL now. But to answer you - no, she has not officially given notice. I am the only one who's spoken to the LL.

Hmm, I hadn't thought of your suggestion. If I had announced I was leaving, our joint tenancy would be over and she would have had to decide what to do. Money seems to be an issue for her so she would have been reluctant to pay for the whole place herself. So it would be down to whether she could get someone in for just a month or two; and given how sour she is these days it would have to be a friend, not a random. Hmm what about the logistics for me: given I talk with her very little it might be difficult for me to know what (and when) she decides. I suppose I'd have to ask the LL to contact me the moment he knows when the flat would be 'available' and we could sign a contract. In the meantime I'd have to pack up and be prepared to move out in case she did manage to stay. It's a risk! And what if she just indefinitely delayed her leaving plans, or found friends to move in? I'd lose the flat for good unless the LL gave me priority. That could be a tricky negotiation for any tenant.

Back in November I had (foolishly, I now think) let her know money was a bit tight due to some course fees. In January when she told me she was leaving, she told me she 'knew money was a problem' and that if I wanted to move somewhere cheaper she had a friend who could take over the whole flat - indeed, I could even leave before she did and this 'friend' would again 'do me a favour' and cover it with no trouble! I got the VERY strong suspician she was just playing a game to get rid of me. Her bad behaviour started ramping up then too. I feel a little bit like I've called her bluff, and she really doesn't want to commit to moving out at any date at all - but somehow she's trapped herself. I'm still wary there could be a last minute 'change of plan' - I will be checking with the LL and pouncing as soon as (if/when) her notice is in, getting a new contract signed.

Honestly, if she'd spoken to me (instead of playing games) at some point and said 'it's not working out, I have a friend who can move in, what do you think?' - I would have respected that. Absolutely. I would have said 'if you handle getting my replacement and it doesn't cost me anything, I'll see what I can do'. But I'm not going to be driven out of my own home by... whatever this is.

By the way, thanks for everyone's input! Sorry I seem to have started rambling a lot... I do think a lot of people are interested in the legality of partners moving in, and other various bad housemate habits, so I hope this has value for other readers too!

Edit: @getmore4less - I've just realised your suggestion about ending the tenancy may be exactly what she was attempting on me (I'm being slow today...). She gambled I wouldn't try to keep the flat. It's funny she didn't chase me for a decision/talk to the LL though. Lazy execution.

ruggedtoast

I think you're rather over estimating how much your landlord will care about any of this.