Having a friend as a lodger

19lottie82

Last lodger I had was a few years ago when I bought my flat. She was a friend from school and at the time had just acquired a new boyfriend. She had been known in the past for not being one for taking relationships slowly, so before she moved in I had a chat with her and explained that although she was to fell that it was her home and that her BF was welcome to stay a couple of nights a week (he still lived with his parents), I didn’t want him un officially moving in.

She agreed with this and everything went fine, for the first few months, then he started staying more and more until I got home from work one night and they were both snuggled up on the sofa and she informed me that they were just “having a night in” (again). At this point he had stayed 10 nights out of the last 14.

I asked her for a word in the kitchen and said as tactfully as possible that although he was a perfectly nice guy, we had come to an arrangement before she moved in that he would only be staying a couple of nights a week and it was turning out to be a lot more than that.
Her response was that well, she couldn’t stay at his (his parents were very religious) didn’t really see the problem as it only meant a slightly higher electricity bill from when he took a shower in the mornings!!!
I replied that it wasn’t really fair that I was working to pay the mortgage and bills, so why should he be staying here for nothing? And also, I made it clear at the start that I didn’t want to live with a couple, but I hoped we could sort it out as I didn’t want us to fall out.

She said “OK, well thanks for being honest with me.” I went to my room and 5 minutes later she shouted that they were going out and she would see me later – She never came back! Lol
Turned out she was picking her stuff up bit by bit during the day, while I was at work!

In her defence, she had already given me 2 months notice, as they were getting a flat together, and she paid all the bills (by standing order) until then, but still! More amusing than anything, I guess J

I now rent my room out occasionally to actors, which is ideal as you can charge them a little over the odds for short term lets, they are only there 2 weeks max, and you hardly ever see them as they are out 11am-midnight !


PS, OP I wouldn't worry, I have quite a few very good friends, but I wouldn't want to live with most of them!!

Brallaqueen

Well done for being brave enough to give him notice. It can be hard especially when you have the 'but we're mates!' reaction. Take it as read to never rent the spare room to a friend again, much easier to turf them out if they get annoying

rosemarie58

sometimes cliches are true! I did the same thing myself a few years ago, a friend was desperate for somewhere to stay and asked if she could stay in my spare room, I didnt want to because of the old saying 'never mix business and pleasure etc but gave in as she had nowhere else to go. It doesnt sound anything near as bad as your situation but it basically ended up being the start of a ruined friendship, as even though we didnt fall out at the time, after living with her I basically saw her in a way different light. As similarily to yourself I felt cheesed off that I was working two jobs to keep my place running and she was just spending the hot summer days sunbathing, sitting round the house and visiting the local swimming pool.
So hopefully by acting now before you get too resentful, you could save your friendship (if you want to) Good luck.

moblo

Captain.Kirk wrote: »

As a kayaker, and a lodger for several years, with the past 2 being with a friend of 16 years or so, I would never expect to treat my friends home like your friend has.
Kayakers know their kit smells, and boats stored in living rooms is fine whilst a student (as long as you're in a kayaking house), but completely unacceptable elsewhere. I'd say getting rid of him is clearly his fault, not yours!

Lol, when I initially skim read that I panicked for a second. After the kayak incident I told him he couldn't keep his boat here.

Thanks for the reassuring messages guys.

He came and spoke to me in the kitchen while I was making some dinner. Very down beat and puppy dog eyed. He went to view a couple of houses which sounded pretty terrible and the sort of place I would hate to live. I am glad he is talking to me about it, but I am feeling really bad about it. Friends are there to help each other out and I do feel a little like I am letting him down.

rosemarie58 I too have seen another side to my friend. Well several different sides really. Perhaps that is one of the things that has bothered me. He has changed for the better since being here, but he is never going to want to live in the same way I do.

rosemarie58

moblo wrote: »

Lol, when I initially skim read that I panicked for a second. After the kayak incident I told him he couldn't keep his boat here.

Thanks for the reassuring messages guys.

He came and spoke to me in the kitchen while I was making some dinner. Very down beat and puppy dog eyed. He went to view a couple of houses which sounded pretty terrible and the sort of place I would hate to live. I am glad he is talking to me about it, but I am feeling really bad about it. Friends are there to help each other out and I do feel a little like I am letting him down.

rosemarie58 I too have seen another side to my friend. Well several different sides really. Perhaps that is one of the things that has bothered me. He has changed for the better since being here, but he is never going to want to live in the same way I do.

to be honest the way I looked upon it was I kinda knew what my friend was expecting was a big ask, and I think I knew deep down that she wouldnt have done it for me (if she didnt want to) which I didnt. Friendship is a two way thing and it works both ways, he sounds as if he is taking advantage of your good nature. Look upon it this way, by being firm now you may save your friendship in the long run!

marleyboy

My first flat I had a friend move in as a lodger. He was a messy pup but a good friend I had known a long time. 6 Months later I had enough and blew my top.

After coming home from college, I found he had not only left the house looking like bomb shelter, the ironing board was left out in the Kitchen, with the iron still on, plugged into where the freezer would be plugged. The freezer defrosted, iron burning away, kitchen sink FULL of dirty dishes (all used in a day) and the flat looking like it had been burgled, I snapped.

As soon as he got home that evening, I told him straight, "Get your stuff, I want you to get the F@ck out by the time I get home from college tomorrow!". He sulked for a few Months, but at least my flat was MINE again.

moblo

marleyboy wrote: »

My first flat I had a friend move in as a lodger. He was a messy pup but a good friend I had known a long time. 6 Months later I had enough and blew my top.

After coming home from college, I found he had not only left the house looking like bomb shelter, the ironing board was left out in the Kitchen, with the iron still on, plugged into where the freezer would be plugged. The freezer defrosted, iron burning away, kitchen sink FULL of dirty dishes (all used in a day) and the flat looking like it had been burgled, I snapped.

As soon as he got home that evening, I told him straight, "Get your stuff, I want you to get the F@ck out by the time I get home from college tomorrow!". He sulked for a few Months, but at least my flat was MINE again.

Wow that sounds pretty horrendous!

Reminds me, he has left one of the hob rings on twice and gone out. Once with an oily pan steaming away and other time exposed with a towel right next to it. That scared the hell out of me at what could have happened. Just like your friend, how can someone be so careless?

Travelqueen

Unfortunately when its not your flat you don't think things through. Only when you start to know the cost of things do you appreciate them and start to take care. I'm sure I'm not the only one who heard their parents say "you treat this place like a hotel" whilst a teenager? Well, essentially your lodger has gone from parents, to student to your place and never had to think about the consequences of his actions. He does now.

Having lodgers isn't all bad, I've remained friends with the majority of mine, but most of them started out as strangers from moveflat / gumtree / spareroom etc. Having ground rules is very important too. In my house I had to have an 'induction' as there is everything from seperate recycling bins to complicated methods to get the DVD player to work, to ensuring the shower gets cleared of hair every now and then so it doesn't caused a flood into the downstairs bedroom (I wish I had known before I bought a house how constant the work on them was!).

I have also lived with someone who I also worked with - we rarely had any time apart. It worked most of the time, but she had a phobia of sponges, handy for avoiding the washing up, as well as a pathological fear of mould, convenient for avoiding cleaning and doing the bins!

Generally you have to accept that any lodger will never look after your house quite as well as you would like to no matter how lovely they are. I'm going to stop now or I could start ranting about my best towels being used to soak up dirty water in the bathroom as one of my lodgers is incapable of closing the shower screen properly.... Gah!

withabix

I would give him until Friday, not the end of April, and they kayak should be out immediately.


(and I'm known for being super-tolerant!)

anggrrr

Reassurance: it can work. I took in a friend who was having difficulties with a flatmate and she stayed with me for over six years, although at the end it was a bit of a strain (I was struggling to pay my bills etc. and she's had the same rent since she'd moved in, when I asked for £5 more I felt like I was asking a terrible thing). In the end she had to go (your lodger shouldn't be earning more per month than you!). People don't realise how expensive owning a house is until they have one. We *are* still friends.

There were numerous things over the years that annoyed me, and I'm sure she felt the same. She was still a lot better than one friend who stayed for just a few months and managed to skyrocket bills (I'd come home in the middle of summer and the windows would be open with the heating on), destroy my microwave and store drugs in my house.