Are siblings destined to fall out?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I have 2 siblings, I dont particulary see either unless there is an "occassion" (Birth/Death/Wedding etc) even though we live only streets apart. We arent close, We never have been, I know theyb have my back should i need them but we arent "friends" if that makes sense

I've had 2 kids (4 and 2 month) and I'm sat watching them together - The eldest is fussing her sister, reading to her, playing next to her and fussing her little sister and I cant help but wonder whether they will always be this close or are they destined to fall out?

I honestly dont know anyone who is close to their siblings and I would love my girls to be close. Is sibling rivalry natural, or do you think it is something that can be prevented? is it how we are brought up? or just a way of life?

marleyboy

I tend to think it is something we grow out of. At 40+, Me and my Younger brother are pretty much welded together we are that close. However as kids we used to fight religiously with one another.

Molly41

My two eldest used to be at each other's throats. However she intervened on his behalf when he was really up against it and since that time they have become very close again. I think if that love is there then eventually it will surface again.

shebangs

..........

Artytarty

Aw, you sound a bit down.
My two daughters fought a bit when young,just the usual, but ever since they reached their late teens ( now mid twenties) they have been very close indeed.
They are also close to their brother and regularly travel to visit him at uni.
I always wanted a sister, never had one so i was very keen that they should be good friends but I cant say that anything I did made that happen!
There is every chance yours will be lifelong best friends .

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Well there are 2 years between my siblings - and there are 9 years between me and my eldest sibling so we never really played together (she was a stroppy teen when I was a toddler lol) Our family isnt close - My father was an only child and my mothers family live 400 miles away so we only see them once a year lol

Saying that - I guess we are like your husbands family shebangs - If they need anything or vice versa we have each others back, We just dont go out of our way to see each other lol

I was wondering whether there was anything I could do to prevent them from hating each other when they are older (I'm dreading the "Shes pinched my make up!!" stage lol)

ellay864

My 2 sons (now 17 and 20) were lovely when they were younger (with each other as well as generally) but once DS1 started high school it started getting a bit dodgy and once they were both at high school age it was horrible. They were a nightmare when they were together and apart from the odd good days when we were away on holiday it was just horrendous. They are now much better which is down to 2 things...one is my DS2's girlfriend acts as a go-between, gets on well with DS1 and sorts them out, but more importantly when DS1 moved out to go to uni! Recently DS1 even admitted to me how horrible he'd been to DS2 and feels bad about it (though must be said, not bad enough to admit same to DS2 and apologise to him!)

McKneff

My sister lives about 30 miles away and we see each other about 3 or 4 times a year but ring each other up at least once a week. I could never ever visualise falling out with her.

My OHs sister, brother and spouses live around 20 miles away from each ohter and meet up quite regularly around once every six weeks or so, nothing organised till about a week before.

We are all in our 60's. Could never imagine falling out with them either.

We thnk we are lucky to be like this. Funny, we were just talking about this sort of thing last Sunday lunchtime.

babymoo

Me and my younger brother got on so well when we were kids and now we dont even talk to each other. I don't like who is he as a person and I don't expect him to change but I refuse to put up with his bull. I have a stepbrother and stepsister who get on so well with each other and I get on so well with both of them. I am the eldest of all 4 of us. If my brother needed me I'd have his back unless it was to do with drugs or some other horrible crime but I would never want to see him hurt, I do love him just can't stand him.

Janepig

My brother is five years older than me and we've never really been close - didn't get on at all when I lived at home, but although I haven't seen him since Christmas, we get on fine when we do bump into each other. But we're very different personalities who probably annoy each other with our "ways" if we're together too much!

I'm glad I've got an older DD, younger DS set up with my two, with two years between them, so hopefully they will be close. They get on well, obviously there's bickering, but they share a bedroom at their request (bunk beds) and play together, share alot of the same interests, etc... I'd have been worried about history repeating itself if I'd had the boy first and I've got it into my head that older girl, younger boy works best.

Jx

fluffnutter

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I have 2 siblings, I dont particulary see either unless there is an "occassion" (Birth/Death/Wedding etc) even though we live only streets apart. We arent close, We never have been, I know theyb have my back should i need them but we arent "friends" if that makes sense

I've had 2 kids (4 and 2 month) and I'm sat watching them together - The eldest is fussing her sister, reading to her, playing next to her and fussing her little sister and I cant help but wonder whether they will always be this close or are they destined to fall out?

I honestly dont know anyone who is close to their siblings and I would love my girls to be close. Is sibling rivalry natural, or do you think it is something that can be prevented? is it how we are brought up? or just a way of life?

I love my brother to bits!

Sibling squabbling as part of growing up is inevitable, I'm afraid. It's actually a really useful thing to learn - that you can be cross with someone and so angry that you want them dead(!) but still love them. Arguing, and then resolving, differences with your siblings is a great way to learn how to deal with conflict.

The main thing, as a parent, is to keep well out of it. A parent is not as objective as they think and can't help seeing one child as smaller/weaker than the other. Whether they realise it or not, their intervention will cause sibling rivalry - something that's not particularly healthy. Only intervene if there's blood

Whether or not siblings will continue to get along in older life will often depend simply on how similar and likeable they find each other. It's not something that can be controlled really, other than to limit the possibility of their resenting each other by being scrupulously fair in your treatment of both.