How to ask for cash as wedding present?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Weddings & Anniversaries
112 replies 45.1K views
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Replies

  • And why can't people have a wedding they can afford! Save up first and pay for it yourself or just have a smaller celebration. A wedding is about two people commiting themselves to one another for life not an extravagant party that they can ill afford or expect others to pay for.
  • oneknightoneknight Forumite
    227 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭
    We are getting married this year and had a similar dilema.

    We found out that Co-op travelcare have honeymoon cards say, " x & x have requested a donation towards their honeymoon instead of a more traditional wedding gift", then on the reverse gives details of how to make a contribution.

    We sent these out with the invites, and it does not seem to have offended anyone, and if we pop in to pay a few more pounds off the holiday ourselves, they can tell us who else has paid some off and how much we have left to pay.
  • oneknight wrote:
    We are getting married this year and had a similar dilema.

    We found out that Co-op travelcare have honeymoon cards say, " x & x have requested a donation towards their honeymoon instead of a more traditional wedding gift", then on the reverse gives details of how to make a contribution.

    We sent these out with the invites, and it does not seem to have offended anyone, and if we pop in to pay a few more pounds off the holiday ourselves, they can tell us who else has paid some off and how much we have left to pay.

    Great idea, we looked at a specialist company that purely deals with honeymoons but they get a cut and we didnt want to line their pockets.
    Just owe Dad £2500 for a new car
    :A

    Paid off car loan 22nd August 2009. :T
  • To answer the question posted by the op, in my opinion, there is no polite way of asking for money instead of gifts - it's just bad manners.

    If they really do not wish to receive gifts then I think vouchers would be more appropriate but to ask for cash? I have heard of this before, it makes me cringe.
  • fay144fay144 Forumite
    796 Posts
    Anyone ever been asked to donate money to charity instead of a gift?

    I'm not planning my wedding yet (well, actually I am, he just hasn't proposed yet :p ), but when I do get married, all of the guests will need to travel, and pay of overnight accomodation (maybe 2 nights for some) due to the fact that our friends and families are spread out of all over the country.

    Like most people, we've bought and furnished our home, and any 'traditional' gifts would wind up in a box in the garage.

    Due to the hassle that would be involved in getting there, I'd like to say - "seriously, bring nothing". Looking at this post though, that wouldn't put some people off buying us a toast rack!

    So my question is: If an invite said, "bring us nothing, but if you really want to, make a donation to wherever", would that offend? Would people ignore it?

    We'd have no way of knowing how much was donated, so people could donate as much or little as they wanted.

    The thank you cards would thank people for making the effort to join us for our wedding - much more important than any present.
  • i cant be doing with a miserable lot tonight. would say thanks for the input but you've not helped. not asked for your opinion, just asked for a way of wording something. i know our guests were more than happy to put money towards something we really wished for.

    end of.

    Um, sorry BF but this kind of offended me, I replied to you with suggestion on what to do, I put aside my own personal feeling and opinions on the matter and suggested a way it would work.

    I'll say it again for anyone that missed it. Why not have both (on one list), a traditional gift list, but also a gift list for the honeymoon where people can buy aspect of the honeymoon for example:

    £30 flights to Nice
    £27 helicopter ride to Monte Carlo
    £40 holicopter tour
    £6.50 entry to the Casino
    £20 bet in the Casino

    and so on and so forth, people can then buy something specific and you can thank them accordingly (Auntie Mary, thank you for providing us with a helicopter tour, it was amazing, Monte Carlo is such a densely packed city you really can't appreciate it unless you're in the air).

    If you set it up on whattogive.com and give instructions on how to give you the money for it then people can actually 'buy' the aspect they like the most.

    Then you have both it's the best of both worlds, people who want to buy a traditional gift have guidance on what you need/want and people who are more willing to get something more unusual can actually 'purchase' soemthing tangible! Everyone's a winner!

    On the subject of when to hand over the gift list, it's personal preference. When I receive and invite I prefer to have a gift list with it, so I am doing it that way (do as you would be done by), other people don't so they don't!
    Comping, freebieing and trying to pay the mortgage off early!
  • I think the thing that strikes me about this thread is that there is no one definitve way of asking for cash or indeed gifts, for a wedding. It all depends on the guests and their attitudes and its probably, (though not exclusively), a generation thing. The fact that there have been so many heated responses and differing opinions means you are unlikely to please all the people all of the time. So unless the OP's friends have a completely homogenous set of guests they are likely to offend somebody! Sorry I still haven't answered the original post ...
  • Hi

    We also asked for cash/vouchers for our wedding gifts as we had lived together for a good few years and had everything we needed, so with the cash we used it for a deposit on our very own house!

    We used a poem and all the guests thought it was great and even commented that it was much easier than searching for a suitable gift to get us as obviously we probably had everything we needed in the home already!

    Here are some poems for you....

    An Ode to the Gift List

    In a wedding invitation,
    You usually find some lists,
    For venues, menus and hotels,
    And also for the gifts

    But this one is unusual,
    It comes in a different way,
    As we're not asking for presents,
    But for something else today

    Now please don't think we're selfish,
    Or that this comes from greed,
    But we've lived together for a while,
    So there's not that much we need

    We would appreciate help though,
    To send us on our way,
    And allow us to have our honeymoon,
    In a land quite far away

    So now the point of all this rhyme,
    The thing that we would like,
    Isn't towels, toasters or microwaves,
    But pounds and pence alike

    And now you know the reason,
    Behind this cheeky accord,
    Please help to give us memories,
    Of a dream honeymoon abroad.



    :j


    We know it's not traditional
    It's not the way it's done
    But instead of a wedding list
    We'd like a bit of sun.
    Please do not think of us as rude
    Please do not take offence
    We do not want to upset you
    That's not the way it's meant.
    We've lived together quite a while
    And all the bills are paid
    We've got our plates, our pots and pans
    Our plans have all been made.
    So if you'd like to give a gift
    To help us celebrate
    Some money for a honeymoon
    We would appreciate



    :j


    We are sending out this invitation,
    And hope you will join our celebration.
    If to send a gift is your intention,
    In modesty we would like to mention,
    We have already got a kettle and a toaster,
    Crockery, dinner mats and coasters,
    So rather than something we have already got,
    Please give us money for our saving pot.
    But, most importantly, we request,
    That you turn up as our wedding guest



    :j

    We haven?t got a wedding list,
    The reasons we?ll explain
    It?s to save you all the hassle
    As shopping is a pain.

    We thought we?d ask you all
    For something else instead
    A small contribution towards
    A holiday in the med.

    So if you?d like to contribute
    Towards our honeymoon
    We offer you our heartfelt ?Thanks?
    With love, the Bride & Groom.



    :j


    We haven't got a gift list, for all of you to see,
    Because as you all know we never can agree!
    But if you'd like to help us, start our married life,
    cash or high street vouchers, would save a lot of strife.




    Hope these help ;)
    Sammie x
  • becabeca Forumite
    130 Posts
    h0ney wrote:
    And why can't people have a wedding they can afford! Save up first and pay for it yourself or just have a smaller celebration. A wedding is about two people commiting themselves to one another for life not an extravagant party that they can ill afford or expect others to pay for.

    I agree. I find it amazing that one the one hand this "couple" are working all hours to pay for the wedding and meal for the benefit of their guests, then promptly ask them for money. Why not just charge them for the meal? Problem solved.
  • beca wrote:
    I agree. I find it amazing that one the one hand this "couple" are working all hours to pay for the wedding and meal for the benefit of their guests, then promptly ask them for money. Why not just charge them for the meal? Problem solved.

    I suppose they are working all the hours god sends because they want everything to be perfect for their special day, it is most girls dream when they are little to have the huge white wedding with all the extras, i know it was mine, i wanted everything i ever dreamt of for my big day and believe me i got it, my wedding day cost £28,000, yes i could have had a wedding that cost me £1000 but why should i when i only planned to get married once and wanted a day to remember!

    I dont think that asking for cash as a gift is rude, it may not be the traditional way but we have moved on now and we are in 2007 and most couples that are living together have everything they need so whats the point of doubling up items you already have in the household?? Plus it saves guests the time and trouble of searching for a suitable gift.

    We asked for cash and everyone was more than happy to stick a cheque or some notes in the card - it was no big deal at all!

    Sammie x
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