How to ask for cash as wedding present?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Weddings & Anniversaries
112 replies 45.1K views


  • EbanyEbany Forumite
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    This seems to be a delicate issue, and almost always ends up in rows wenever I have seen it asked. I also had the situation where I had been living with my husband for a couple of years and we already had most things, so while we did have a list we also mentioned that donations towards a magical honeymoon would be very much appreciated. We did this on a seperate information sheet that also included suggestions for accommodation (as most of the guests had to travel a long way), directions, and an extra RSVP reminder. We worded it like this:
    Wedding Gifts

    Should you wish to give Ebs and Mr Ebs a gift to celebrate their marriage, they would appreciate your assistance in making their honeymoon a truly unforgettable experience. Please contact either [my mum, with phone and email] or [his mum, with phone and email] for information regarding this.

    Alternatively they do have a gift list with Debenhams if you would prefer something more tangible.
    I think it is perfectly normal to give people suggestions of what you would like, it isn't a case of demanding something, but giving a nudge in the right direction. For someone like me, who is utterly terrible at buying presents, I would be lost without a list. Especially for larger weddings, with extended family who may not really know you very well, they can be really useful. Equally, just because we had a list does not mean we didn't appreciate those things people bought that were not from it, one of the nicest things we got was a book of photos of Durham (where we were married) as it was so personal.

    I was also brought up to provide my parents with a list every birthday and christmas so they would be able to let family know what things we were into that particular year, and so that I didn't wind up with things either collecting dust or being exchanged (though I still usually ended up with at least one duplicate book...)

    Edit - I recall seeing on other forums people mentioning lines such as 'We want your presence, not your presents, but if you wish to give a gift...' but I didn't feel they fitted with the general tone of our invites (very formal)
  • shellyshelly Forumite
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    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    In my family, wedding gift lists are as much of a tradition as the dress and cake itself :rotfl: I like a gift list as it saves me wasting money on a present that is going to spend its life in the loft or at the back of a cupboard. If I don't buy from the list then we give cash. By the time we got married we had lived together for about 8 years so had everything we needed. We done a gift list with argos and put a polite note on the bottom that money would be much appreciated as we wanted to buy a new dining room table and chairs. (we had got these second hand when we first moved in so wanted a new set)
    Like I said before, no-one in our family worries about asking for cash, much rather that than a pressie the couple don't want or need.
  • li'l_pli'l_p Forumite
    797 Posts
    There is a way of asking for money instead of presents... search 'wishing well poem' on Google and you'll find plenty of verses. I've had a few invites with a poem in asking for 'cash' which I think solves the age old dilemma of what to buy.

    My brother and sister-in-law to be are also going to do the same. The reason people do this is that people live together before getting married these days and generally have everything kitted out. The money would be much better spent on the honeymoon and practical stuff that people really wouldn't buy for you anyway.

    Another friend of mine asked for B&Q vouchers as they were planning on rennovating their kitchen, so it was more useful to them than a load of vases or stuff they already had!

    I know I would sooner ask for cash than have to accept a load of token gesture gifts that end up at a car boot sales anyway!
  • belfastgirl23belfastgirl23 Forumite
    8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    I kind of like the list or cash idea, especially if you're not really close to the B or G. But would hate the thought of people feeling pressured about the money end of it, it's not what the day is about after all.

  • SmashingSmashing Forumite
    1.8K Posts
    Some people write 'no boxed gifts please' on the invite, but be warned that

    a) A lot of people don't know what this means
    b) Those who do often get offended by it for reasons mentioned previously
    c) It's generally bad manners to give the impression that you expect to be given gifts. An invite is suppsoed to be a request for their company, not an instruction on how to please the newlyweds.

    One way around it is to just stick

    Its not always easy,
    To think what to buy,
    On this very special occasion,
    You don't even have to try,
    Something of monetry value,
    Or vouchers would be nice,
    But most of all we both think,
    Your presence will suffice

    on the invite and hope they get the hint.
  • bunty109bunty109 Forumite
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    I think all this depends very much on the circle of friends and family that the bride and groom have.

    We put wedding list details in with our invite as we knew that people would expect it. We were setting up home together so we did require things for the house. It also gave people the option of buying us vouchers if they wanted from a store where we could use them.

    If the bride and groom want to ask for cash towards their honeymoon then I guess they know that it will be accepted by the guests in general and the wording too must be dictated by how formal the invites are etc.

    Not been much help, I know but if I was wording it I would pitch it along the line of the honeymoon is booked (so no-one thinks they can't go if they don't get any money), but to have some memorable excursions etc. it would be great if people could look to help you out ........
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  • If they are going to "request" cash,then at least be upfront and dont try to "pretty it up " with a sickening poem !!! ;):D

    as for gift list in with the invite grrrrr ,god you havent even accepted yet and there is the "come to our day but make sure you bring a gift" list right on your lap !

    When we got married we hated the whole present issue.
    we didnt want gifts! we had lived together for yrs so didnt "need" anything.
    most of our guests stayed over and so wasnt cheap for them to pay accomodation / travelling costs aswell

    But Guests kept asking ( us and our parents) what we would like! so we did set up a small gift list of cheap things @ Argos

    But to be honest many people put money / cheque / vouchers in the wedding card anyway ,but the best gifts were those bought independently,not off the list ,was a lovely surprise :D
  • I am helping a very busy friend plan her wedding as i am a stay at home mum with lots of spare internet researching time on my hands! can any of you help by suggesting a polite way of asking for cash as wedding presents to put towards honeymoon rather than vouchers or gifts?
    thanks....? what a chearful pair. what a shame i didn't know you guys when i got mairried! but its up to you if you buy things that'll just sit in the back of a cupboard. you obviously have money to splash so why waste your time on mse?
    if you are happy attending a wedding which a 'friend' has perhaps paid the best part of £30 per head for their guests and you go and buy a poxy toast rack as a gift then i so be it. try not to choke on your next bucks fizz or champagne toast!
    i appreciate your point, but for a couple who are working all hours to pay for a wedding to invite friends to, i know would appreciate much more a memorable honeymoon rather than champagne glasses that they can only afford to drink soft drinks from. wouldn't that be more of a shame? don't you want your friends to have a nice honeymoon or are your principles worth more than your friendships? i guess if your friends said they weren't having a honeymoon as lack of funds you can always say at least you have some nice champagne glasses in your cupboard to drink some ribena from!
    no zara33, it doesn't dictate at all. wouldn't you rather give a present that would be appreciated and used other than one of your own choice because you think its best?

    let me ask, for any charity fundraising, do you just throw in a bag of jelly beans. afterall they can be enjoyed as much as life saving cancer research cant they? and dont even think of saying i'm belittling cancer research as i have a very close relative who died from the disease.
    i cant be doing with a miserable lot tonight. would say thanks for the input but you've not helped. not asked for your opinion, just asked for a way of wording something. i know our guests were more than happy to put money towards something we really wished for.

    end of.

    Are you available for hire? you sure have a way with words.
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  • ben500ben500
    23.2K Posts
    I suppose it all depends on whether your setting out a new life together or trawling your family and friends for bounty doesn't it. If they need money to finance a honeymoon perhaps they should look at the expenditure of the wedding to save some.

    I can just hear the whisper in the aisles, "Oh look here comes [strike]the new microwave[/strike] Auntie Bettie!!" "Oh yes and look she's brought [STRIKE]the matching set of luggage [/STRIKE] uncle Bob with her"
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  • seven-day-weekendseven-day-weekend Forumite
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    if you are happy attending a wedding which a 'friend' has perhaps paid the best part of £30 per head for their guests and you go and buy a poxy toast rack as a gift then i so be it. try not to choke on your next bucks fizz or champagne toast!

    I couldn't care less what they've paid. That's their choice and my gift (or no gift) has nothing to do with that.

    If I was asked for cash I would give it, but would want my amount to be anonymous.

    Why not say to the guests 'no gifts by request' but there will be a collection bucket for cash in the foyer at the reception. Then people can give if/what they want and can afford.
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