Husband is a very Private person. I like to share my emotions. Marraige problems

skintchick

I haven't read all the replies.

If I wasn't able to offload stuff to my best mate and/or mum I would explode! Seriously, why do most people on here (or at least the people who posted up to the point I read, bar one) seem to think that the OP should not be confiding anything in anyone?

My OH is not much of a talker, and I need to talk stuff over until it is straight in my head, so I talk to my best mate. If my OH didn't like that it would be, frankly, tough.

I think it's good to get an outside opinion, personally, and I'm happy for my OH to talk about his issues with me/us/life with trusted other people.

Obviously, the OP could do with someone more trustworthy to talk to, but I think her OH is out of order expecting her not to talk to anyone about anything, ever.

OP - if you need to talk to someone about an issue, can i suggest Samaritans? They are not just for big issues, and they are very confidential.

Torry_Quine

I would only talk to someone about an issue if I knew my husband was happy about it. I certainly wouldn't be confiding about something which involves him but hadn't even talked to him first.

System

My ex hated me talking to anyone about our relationship (including counsellers/my psychitrist etc but he could talk to anyone about it). My friends had no idea how unhappy i was. They were surprised when we split up (though it was good to finally be able to talk about it with someone)

Whilst i can understand the annoyance of people blabbing about it to all and sundry i do think you should be allowed to talk about it (its not like his mother staying is exactly much of a major secret type thing). I mean if he was a closet transvestite and you told people then fair enough but i think he's overreacted a little

coolcait

Lots of interesting strands to this one.

I don't particularly feel the need to confide in others when OH annoys me. I just deal with it myself, and work it through in my own mind. Then again, I'm lucky enough to have been raised with encouragement to have a mind of my own, and to us it. It doesn't sound as if the OP had the benefit of that kind of upbringing.

Maybe, as others have suggested, the OP would benefit from some kind of counselling and/or support to help her work through her difficult upbringing.

I absolutely believe that my mum and my siblings, and my other relatives love and respect me - as I love and respect them.

However, at a very early age, I learnt that we have a very different definition of the phrase "don't tell anyone". To me, it means exactly that.

But, to my mum, it seems to mean "don't tell anyone who isn't family". So, she would share my thoughts with my aunt. Who also believed that the restriction was "don't tell anyone who isn't family". As did her daughters....

So, when I challenged my mum over the fact that she had betrayed my confidence, she was outraged. She hadn't told "anyone"!! She had told Aunt x (who isn't just "anyone" ),and she genuinely couldn't understand why I was upset.

There's also an element of mum looking for help, advice and support from aunt x (who was her confidante and guide), so that mum could help, advise and support me. It certainly wasn't done with malice.

I also find the same thing at work. I'm quite astounded at the number of people who are incapable of keeping a confidence! Yet, many of them don't do it in a deliberately malicious or gossipy way.

All that said, I still think it would do the OP no harm to find a way to feel stronger in terms of communicating her feelings to her OH and her family, and others. If the OH is a controlling type, then it will be very helpful for the OP to learn how to be stronger in herself, how to value herself, so that she is better equipped to deal with efforts to undermine her and her confidence - and maybe have the strength to find a way out.

balletshoes

skintchick wrote: »

I haven't read all the replies.

If I wasn't able to offload stuff to my best mate and/or mum I would explode! Seriously, why do most people on here (or at least the people who posted up to the point I read, bar one) seem to think that the OP should not be confiding anything in anyone?

My OH is not much of a talker, and I need to talk stuff over until it is straight in my head, so I talk to my best mate. If my OH didn't like that it would be, frankly, tough.

I think it's good to get an outside opinion, personally, and I'm happy for my OH to talk about his issues with me/us/life with trusted other people.

Obviously, the OP could do with someone more trustworthy to talk to, but I think her OH is out of order expecting her not to talk to anyone about anything, ever.

OP - if you need to talk to someone about an issue, can i suggest Samaritans? They are not just for big issues, and they are very confidential.

but isn't that the very issue though? the fact that the OP doesn't have anyone trustworthy in her real life to talk to, who's not going to blab.

I didn't get from her posts that her husband doesn't want her talking about anything ever, just stuff thats private to him (for whatever reason).