can't pay off a debt, affecting relationship

bikerqueen

I've got a six month old baby - I wonder, when shes old enough, how I would feel about a man treating her like this. If I would not be happy, I wouldn't put up with it for me.

I presume you don't have kids, but just a thought to ponder maybe.

angeldeelite

LookingAhead wrote:

Hi angel.

I hope tonight goes well (or if you are reading this later...I hope it went well!)

Obviously you know your partner and we don't.

However he does sound very ungrateful for what you have done already and I wonder if him kicking off like this (especially if he has not been like this before) is him being defensive for other money stuff that he is frustrated about or secretive about? Just a thought. It may not be that at all and that he is just being *that* ungrateful and downright rude to you about it.

If you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that this could all end in tears and if you have somewhere to go, then I would say just go. As you said it would give him something to think about...and also you.

You need to evaluate what you want from life and your partner in life. I'm assuming respect & financial security might come in there somewhere.

Please please please don't borrow any more or take out a credit card in his name. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone let alone someone who's relationship has hit a rocky patch. PLEASE don't.

Good luck with getting it sorted out though - and remember, sometimes people resort to name calling and putting you down simply to make themselves feel better and make you cave in.

Be strong and ignore his temper tantrums. If you give in once, you can start counting off till the next time.

Good luck hon.

x LA x

thank you so much. i think that pretty much sums it up. I don't know if he feels slightly inferior because he can't control his own finances and it all has to go through me. i think he resents that slightly.

he is at university at the moment but is not working part time, when i told him one way to sort it would be for him to get a job he really got defensive so i guess he maybe feels inadequte, and everything i say seems to come out wrong to him like i'm putting him down.

i'm thinking a lot right now about what i want from a partner and he is letting me down in a lot of ways, but then maybe i'm letting him down too. he keeps saying i've changed as i'm not as happy, but i don't think he realises how much hard work it is to live together when only one person is earning, of course it is going to strain us (and i said that to him when he decided to go back to uni).

he's out for the night now (wonder why!!!), might be good thing as i have a job interview at 9am tomorrow!!! (it never rains but it pours eh).

i've had lots of great advice and i'm not going to back down over the loan.

x

Mozette

Just an idea, but how about writing to him, explaining that you are not prepared to get into any more debt on his behalf, that his financial problems are not down to you, that you are not prepared to tolerate his bullying and childish behaviour, and that if he really wants a future with you he will need to behave in a more rational and mature manner. I would tell him that you will handle your finances how you see fit, and that if he is not man enough to cope with the fact that you are your own person, then he is not the one for you. Leave it where he will find it, and go and stop with your Dad. Hopefully then he will have time to think about it, then decide what you want from your future. He sounds like a !!!!!! to me on what you've said, but you know him best... I'm sure that you know deep down if he's really good enough for you. Very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

southernscouser

Are you a hottie coz I'm single and am (now) good with money!

Seriously though, if ever a man bullied you then the warning sirens should be going mental. I don't mean to sound harsh but you'd be crazy to stay with any man who thinks that is acceptable behaviour!

Sure women p!ss you off at times but you don't treat someone you love like that. He hasn't just crossed the line hun he's moved all his belongings over it aswell!

And it is a form of a abuse.

PM me if you want my mobile number!

spud30

southernscouser wrote:

PM me if you want my mobile number!

PM on it's way hun

janiegs

southernscouser wrote:

He hasn't just crossed the line hun he's moved all his belongings over it aswell!

And it is a form of a abuse.

So, so true. You've done all you can to help him, and he calls you names. He should be thanking his lucky stars for you, the ungrateful individual!

angeldeelite

southernscouser wrote:

Are you a hottie coz I'm single and am (now) good with money!

Seriously though, if ever a man bullied you then the warning sirens should be going mental. I don't mean to sound harsh but you'd be crazy to stay with any man who thinks that is acceptable behaviour!

Sure women p!ss you off at times but you don't treat someone you love like that. He hasn't just crossed the line hun he's moved all his belongings over it aswell!

And it is a form of a abuse.

PM me if you want my mobile number!

:rotfl:

that cheered me up thanks! :beer:

i'm not perfect either and i do sometime snap at him at certain times of the month but i ALWAYS apologise, that's something he never does and that's one of my main issues with this. He just cant see that he might be wrong. But i never revert to throwing insults, to me that is crosing the line you're right!

southernscouser

angeldeelite wrote:

:rotfl:

that cheered me up thanks! :beer:

The pleasure was all mine!

angeldeelite

CLAPTON wrote:

when you say you opened an account for him, do you mean in his name or yours?

its in my name, its just a current account tho, no credit or anything.

wishiwasarichgirl

angeldeelite wrote:

its in my name, its just a current account tho, no credit or anything.

has he got any money in it at the min? if so can you just transfer it to pay your overdraft if its in your name?