Advice needed - ex-husband being unreasonable about maintenance

peachyprice

daska wrote: »

Any chance he's claiming tax credits and 'paying' her to look after your kids?

Only the parent claiming child benefit can claim tax credits for the children.

daska

Strapped wrote: »

Ha ha, you do know that the CSA calculation (on CSA1) includes an amount for the PWC equivalent to Carers Allowance, right?

Which as the OP has already pointed out he's not paying her the CSA rate (nor through the CSA) and is planning to reduce it again.

(Actually the calculation is based on a percentage of income rather than on need and often works out as nowhere near the heady heights of Carer's Allowance.)

daska

peachyprice wrote: »

Only the parent claiming child benefit can claim tax credits for the children.

The OP hasn't made any comment as to who is claiming what in the way of CB or CTC. As they have more than one child it's possible they both are.

fannyanna

ABC_123 wrote: »

This is my first post on this forum, please be gentle. My husband and I split up 6 months ago because he had an affair with our childminder (this fact is relevant to my question). Very sorry to hear this. We had 2 kids together , they go to primary school. He is working from home and the agreement was that he will be dropping the kids off, picking them up and looking after them until I come back from work. He was also paying me a reasonable maintenence, although less than what CSA calculator shows. I was keen to keep the arrangement and always said yes whenever he wanted to keep kids overnight. He also had kids on alternative Saturdays for approx 6 hours.
Now this woman moved in with him into his 1 bedroom flat he is renting and he suddenly wants to change our arrangement. He says that him dropping off and picking up the kids is saving me a lot of money in childcare costs and doens't want to pay the maintenance (he is quoting the additional £200 as an amount he is "saving" me). He is right that him dropping off/collecting the children is saving you money in childcare. But you need to point out to him that it is already reflected in the child maintenance that he pays. Basically he pays less than what he would need to pay if you both went via the CSA in recognition of the fact that he does the school run. His girlfriend moved in with him and from what my kids are saying, she has set up childminding business from his 1 bedroom flat. He is also demanding that I have to be nice to her as I shall be in contact with her when dropping off/picking up kids. You don't have to be nice to her and I can absolutely understand why that would be a very bitter pill to swallow. However you can't be rude to her. Well you can but it wont help you and it certainly wont be helpful for your children. Try to be civil. If you feel that you can't (and for now I don't think that makes you a bad person as I imagine emotions are still quite raw) you need to think of an alternative to collecting the children. Unfortunately it is now her home too and if you start being rude to her it's likely you'll be told where to go. If I refuse, he says he cannot help me with childcare. There is no way I feel I can agree to his suggestion. Can you please help with any views/ suggestions? Is what he is saying seems reasonable?
I don't have any family here so cannot rely on any family member.
All advice gratefully appreciated.

Comments above.

Strapped

daska wrote: »

Which as the OP has already pointed out he's not paying her the CSA rate (nor through the CSA) and is planning to reduce it again.

(Actually the calculation is based on a percentage of income rather than on need and often works out as nowhere near the heady heights of Carer's Allowance.)

I did say CSA1. Some are unfortunate enough to still be stuck on it.

19lottie82

19lottie82 wrote: »

Surely you should give this a bash, as it will prove to be easier for everyone in the long run ESPECIALLY your kids.

Sorry OP, just noticed you said that your exH had an affair with this woman.

In that case you don't need to be "nice" to her, but be civil when picking / dropping the kids off, for their sakes.

duchy

I'd remove him from the child-care equasion -He'll go on using it as a stick to beat you with over and over and you don't need to be held to ransom everytime he wants to move the goalposts. Find another childminder or use breakfast/afterschool clubs (I can imagine the latter seem the more attractive option at the moment)

Childminding seems an odd occupation for a single woman with no children in a one bedroom flat-and I can't imagine any council licencing her even without your two there on a regular basis.

Tax credits will hopefully cover the extra childminding costs-from a purely economic point of view his idea is madness as he effectively wants to charge you £200 to use him when Tax credits will pay the lions-share of the cost provided you use a registered provider rather than him. You'd think the childminder would have explained the economics of that to him as you'd expect her to know the basics from her clients <shrug>

Get the CSA involved to regulate the child support and keep child care and access visits as two entirely different things to stop it getting messy.

duchy

thorsoak wrote: »

And the fact that your ex has his two children there part of the time will mean that she has to count them in for her child-minding "licence". You were happy that she was a "proper person" to look after them before, so that won't have changed.

Just be firm, but polite - that's all. Tell him not to worry - you'lll let your solicitor/CSA sort out all the bits and pieces ....he may then change his tune!

Really ? If I discovered my childminder was a slapper who chased after other women's husbands my opinion of them and their suitability to be around my kids would definitely change !

I do agree once he realizes you are doing things properly he may very well settle down and be reasonable.

daska

Strapped wrote: »

I did say CSA1. Some are unfortunate enough to still be stuck on it.

That would imply a minimum payment of £55.55 a week even by those on benefits... :eek:

Seanymph

Strapped wrote: »

If he pays maintenance through the CSA then the OP is the PWC (parent with care) so actually, it is her responsibility. I'm sure I'll get shot down in flames for saying that, as it's very unpalatable.

I agree with CH27.

But she's made clear he doesn't. So no one is the PWC.

They are two parents who BOTH have responsibility for THEIR children.

Only he gets to pick and choose, and she gets any time he doesn't want them.