Work/life dilemma - what would you do?

duchy

I get very tired of this so called working in and out of the home divide.

I've been both a SAHM and worked -and both have pluses and minuses -and each was the right thing-for me and my family -at that particular time.

I do take great exception to the view often aired by SAHMs that they care MORE for their child because they are fortunate enough to have the choice whether to work or not. First it's utter rubbish and second not everyone has the luxury to choose so it's at best very bad mannered to air this opinion no matter how much the SAH believes it . I wouldn't tell a Mum her baby was ugly even if I genuinely believed it and I wouldn't tell a Mother who was doing what she genuinely believed was best for her family that she was a "bad mother" either (unless it was something dangerous then I might broach the subject gently) None of my business.

FatVonD

I took a 4 year career break and was able to go back to work on a freelance basis to get back on the radar again and within 6 months I had a full-time job a notch or two above the one I'd left 4 years earlier. I was adamant that I wasn't going to work while DS was small (after a long wait and IVF treatment there was no way I was handing him over to someone else for all the fun stuff!) I did however feel an acute sense of loss of identity. I took DS to every toddler group going and forged friendships with people I'd ordinarily have nothing whatsoever in common with and spent a lot of time saying 'I used to work in publishing you know' (As I sat there still in my maternity wear with the bad haircut I'd got done at my mum's hairdresser as it was more convenient with a small baby.) I don't know if it would have been the same if I didn't like my job but I'm lucky in that the only thing in this life I'm actually any good at is something I can do as a job.

That didn't stop me considering finding a job in a supermarket so I could work less hours and, when I was made redundant last year, I spent most of my redundancy money trying to set up a business that would allow me to be home for when DS gets in from school. Alas it didn't work out so I am still working long hours but I'd love to be able to work more family-friendly hours so I'm one of the ones that voted for retraining

anguk

duchy wrote: »

I get very tired of this so called working in and out of the home divide.

I've been both a SAHM and worked -and both have pluses and minuses -and each was the right thing-for me and my family -at that particular time.

I do take great exception to the view often aired by SAHMs that they care MORE for their child because they are fortunate enough to have the choice whether to work or not. First it's utter rubbish and second not everyone has the luxury to choose so it's at best very bad mannered to air this opinion no matter how much the SAH believes it . I wouldn't tell a Mum her baby was ugly even if I genuinely believed it and I wouldn't tell a Mother who was doing what she genuinely believed was best for her family that she was a "bad mother" either (unless it was something dangerous then I might broach the subject gently) None of my business.

I agree, but I do also take exception to the assumption that mothers who stay at home are like some sort of 1950s housewife who do nothing but cook and clean and have the dinner on the table for their man.

I have friends who are career women, I have friends who are stay at home mums, the career women don't care for their kids any less than the SAHMs and they're not bad mothers. The SAHMs aren't downtrodden or less intelligent and don't talk constantly about babies.

Just because you go out to work it doesn't mean that you care less for your children than a SAHM but just because you stay at home it doesn't mean you're some brain-dead Stepford Wife who isn't living a fulfilling and rewarding life.

Moneybot

duchy wrote: »

I get very tired of this so called working in and out of the home divide.

I've been both a SAHM and worked -and both have pluses and minuses -and each was the right thing-for me and my family -at that particular time.

I do take great exception to the view often aired by SAHMs that they care MORE for their child because they are fortunate enough to have the choice whether to work or not. First it's utter rubbish and second not everyone has the luxury to choose so it's at best very bad mannered to air this opinion no matter how much the SAH believes it . I wouldn't tell a Mum her baby was ugly even if I genuinely believed it and I wouldn't tell a Mother who was doing what she genuinely believed was best for her family that she was a "bad mother" either (unless it was something dangerous then I might broach the subject gently) None of my business.

Damn I thought the whole point of being a SAHM was to win the I care for my child the most competition :eek:

If I had known it wasn't I'd have packed them off to Grandma for the first 7 years.

My Gran always used to tell people with ugly babies they would get better looking when they grew older and not to worry.:rotfl:

duchy

I *like* you Moneybot !

Moneybot

duchy wrote: »

I *like* you Moneybot !

Thank you I accept and appreciate your *like* :beer:

daska

It's all !!!!!!!! really, I know I'm a carp SAHM, I did it for a bit with DS1 and I've been doing it with DS2 (not through choice and with a huge amount of help from social services) and I really struggle. I need the technical problems to get my brain firing properly and babies and toddlers just don't cut the mustard where that's concerned. But, having said that, I'd have been a whizz at home educating DS1 if I'd been in the financial position to do that and, now that I am forced to be a SAHM it's particularly galling that my being disabled combined with DS2 having special needs makes it physically impossible. We all have different strengths, I guess mine is approx 5 - 11.

pinkshoes

Thanks for all the replies.

Pukkamum - you have a very naughty (and slightly disturbed!) sister who needs her wrists slapping for taking over your MSE account!

Just to clarify, I never said that I hate spending time alone with my son! I just said that if I did it 5 days a week, I'd go insane!

A good mummy is a happy mummy, and in my case, the challenges and problems solving and use of brain at work makes for a happy mummy, who thus in turn makes the most of the two days she has with her son, and we have a fabulous time!

I see that the poll has swayed towards retraining, but not conclusive...

Have had some time to look into the teaching thing, and I could get a £15k bursary to do a physics or maths PGCE, which sounds great fun, and my nearest uni (Oxford) has places available to start September 2012. I think I'll ring them and ask some more questions to see how feasible it is.

flipper_72

pinkshoes wrote: »

I had a wonderful Physics teacher at school, and wish there were more teachers like him! As for the politics, I'm quite sure it really can't be any worse than where I currently work!

I'd be looking at teaching maths or physics at secondary level (I have a masters degreein Engineering), so there seem to be quite a few jobs going in the area.

Before you jump ship have you researched the PGCE yet? I was made redundant 15 months ago and decided teaching was what i wanted to do, I have a good maths/management degree from a red brick uni and wanted to teach maths. My final year involved 4 managment modules and 3 maths and therefore my degree didn't have enough maths content to get onto the courses. I am not sure an engineering degree would allow you instant access to either maths or physics without having to do an extra course beforehand. We could cope with me re-training for a year but 2 years was not possible so i have not gone down that route.

Edit
Ok so yes you have done some research, i have now read all the way to the end. Check out whether your degrees are right for entry, i was gutted when i realised mine wasn't

mrscarolb

Find your peace, then you will find your answer!, that said I think you already know?? You have to lead by example to your children, for them to see you chasing money rather than your dreams is the blueprint for them and their future??................