Work/life dilemma - what would you do?

VJsmum

I am in a not - dissimilar situation. I have 2 children aged 15 and 13 and work part time. I am a teacher - albeit in a University. I love teaching but HATE the management and the politics that goes on. I enjoy the company of my colleagues but detest the commute since my school moved location last summer.

I have worked part time for most of the time since I had my eldest and it hasn't been so much of an issue, as to a certain extent, teenagers need you more than toddlers do. I never worried that, as toddlers and younger children, they were disadvataged by my working. Now I worry that they might be. I applied for voluntary redundancy 2 years ago but was turned down. Since then, of course, the job market has got worse and I am now afraid that if I give up my job and then change my mind, I'm stuffed.

So I can't help you, I'm afraid but you should definitely listen to your heart. My problem is - my heart doesn't know either.

Lunar_Eclipse

I'm finding it hard to decide which of the above you want most. There are lots of conflicting options. If you're serious about retraining and/or moving areas, now sounds like perfect timing. However, if your main concern is your current job, I'd leave and take the alternate job in your current area.

It's stressful to change more than one major thing in life at once. A toddler is already very demanding time wise. I'm also wondering if you're thinking of having more children that a move and retraining, whilst pregnant and away from your friendship group, might be too much.

Good luck working through all your thoughts.

pinkshoes

Location wise, we live in village A, and currently work a 30 minute commute North in town B (we both work in same town and lift share!). The new job would be a 30 minute commute South of A. The area which we were contemplating moving to is about 30 minutes North of our current work town B, which would make the new job a 1.5 hour commute, which is too far.

There are some cheaper areas where we live, but I wouldn't live in them even if you paid me! Location is far more important than the house, but we're just thinking it would be nice to have the pretty house AND the pretty location.

My mum's a teacher (for 25 years), so I understand that it's not a term time 9-5 job, and involves lots of paperwork and evenings, weekends and holidays doing lesson prep and marking! I have the patience of a saint and just have a gut feeling it's something I'd enjoy. I had a wonderful Physics teacher at school, and wish there were more teachers like him! As for the politics, I'm quite sure it really can't be any worse than where I currently work!

I'd be looking at teaching maths or physics at secondary level (I have a masters degreein Engineering), so there seem to be quite a few jobs going in the area.

If I took some years out as a SAHM, I would probably struggle to get a foot in the door again in my current field, as technology would have moved on too much, and it wouldn't be easy finding people to give me a chance to catch up.

To be honest, I'm a little ashamed to admit that being a SAHM does not appeal at all, and I'm quite sure I'd hate it! I'm a maths and science geek at heart, and although I love spending time with my son, I couldn't spend 5 days solid with him, as I'd go insane – 3 days at work is the perfect balance, and we have great fun on my 2 days off!

The potential new job is for a company that seems to very much respect its employees, and allows them to study, get involved in areas that they find interesting, and even change departments if you feel stuck in a rut in your position!

Thanks for all the advice – it's given me a LOT to think about!

My preferred option would be to move to a cheaper location, AND take the new job, but that's not practical unfortunately! My OH just wants me to be happy,and he knows how badly my work have treated me, so he'll go along with whatever I want!


Ohps, I wrote an essay. Sorry!

cottonhead

I was in a similar situation. At work my job became surplus to requirements and I had the option to go for a promotion on the understanding it had to be full time or take on a more junior role that would allow more flexible hours. I didnt hesitate - I chose the latter and I am sooooo happy with my life. My actual job is quite basic and has no excitement but it has no stress now either!
I would suggest looking ahead to the future a bit as it soon comes round. My daugher is school age now and I get to take her to school and collect her every day. yes I earn less but the job is less stressful and we dont have to pay for childcare and my daughter is so happy and settled with me being there for her. I feel so blessed that I have a job that fits around school. I have spoken to several other mums who would do anything to have the same hours as me but they just cant. They resent their workplace ( and one her husband as it was him who prevented her from going part time) and are always rushing about stressed and hardly see their kids.
Think even more ahead for a sec. I dont know your age but my own mum put her career on hold to bring me up. When I was 16 she went back to work full time and was promoted, then promoted again. Now she manages the department. She says her career took off the most when she went back after I had grown up as she had more life experience and confidence and time to invest in work. So you can still make a carer later on - especailly as the government will have us all working till we are 80 anyway !
Jobs come and go but your family wont. So long as you have a house that is adequate and safe thats enough. Your kids wont look back and say ' yeah we had a great en suit bathroom when we were growing up and the dishwahser - that was spot on!' !! They will remember you being there for them.

jackyann

I would only do a job like teaching if I really wanted to do it.
Most jobs you do better if you love it, but you can get through if you just feel OK about it.
Jobs like teaching, social work, nursing, medicine and similar, you can really only do if it matters to you, because you give so much of yourself.

meritaten

simples - if its a straight work/life balance dilemma then opt for the life balance - no one ever said on their deathbed 'I should have worked more'!

pukkamum

DylanO wrote: »

It's not as awful as your sanctimonious attack on that mother's love for her children. You have been reported.

I never once said she didn't love him and reported for what exactly? For expressing my opinion? Sorry but i wasn't under the impression that that wasn't allowed!

pukkamum

So i am wrong to question a mother saying she could not stand to spend 5 days with her own child?
What if said child was disabled and was homebound would she feel the same then?

I am questioning many many mothers and fathers who choose to put their own wants and needs above those of their children, seriously is 4 years too much to give a child you have brought into the world?

I am in no way ashamed of my post, i worked for many many years as a nanny and in nurseries and i have seen firsthand the effects of mothers and fathers who 'cannot stand' to be at home with their much loved children and it isn't a nice picture.

balletshoes

pukkamum I do not see anywhere in the OPs posts where she has said she "cannot stand" to be with her child?

she said she didn't think she could be a SAHM, and spend 5 days a week with her son (I'm taking from that she means with just her son, you know, no adult interaction). Its not the same thing - at all.

pukkamum

balletshoes wrote: »

pukkamum I do not see anywhere in the OPs posts where she has said she "cannot stand" to be with her child?

she said she didn't think she could be a SAHM, and spend 5 days a week with her son (I'm taking from that she means with just her son, you know, no adult interaction). Its not the same thing - at all.

These are her words I couldn't spend 5 days solid with him, as I'd go insane
There is no reason on earth why being at home with your child means having no adult interaction.