Work/life dilemma - what would you do?

duchy

pukkamum wrote: »

I am well aware that there are many people who have no desire to be SAHM's, i am questioning why?
.

Possibly because they fear the local coffee mornings/toddler groups will consist of smug, narrow minded and uninteresting people with no vision or conversation beyond how wonderful they are to stay home with their children and the latest saga in little Moonchild's potty training. I've done the SAHM thing-you're not unique but you are definitely tedious and probably one of the worse aspects of staying home raising a child. Our kids (and us) deserve better than exposure to such limited interaction.

Still at least you've probably helped the OP rule out SAHM-dom for definite as an option-so it's not all bad

Returning to the topic-I'd go for the new job in your field-If the opertunities are that good then you'll merely be delaying the dream home not losing it.

daska

pukkamum wrote: »

I am well aware that there are many people who have no desire to be SAHM's, i am questioning why?
What is so bad about giving your child 4 years to be raised and nutured by the people who love him most in the world, you brought the child into the world and i really do not think that given a choice anyone can say that a child would not rather be at home with mum or dad and that this is the best place for them.

I am well aware that in many circumstances there is no choice but for both parents to work, but i find the concept bizarre that many parents find fulfilling their own needs career wise more important than a childs needs.

Because some of us NEED more than nappies to feel fulfilled and would be horrendously unhappy and therefore BAD PARENTS if we tried to to the SAHM thing. You obviously don't and that's fine, whatever floats your boat, but to assume that all children need their parents home full time is both condescending and naive to the nth degree. I've just posted on a different thread about my DSD who could really didn't need her SAHM and was over the moon when the police and SS took her into care!

Chaos_Monkey

Well said, duchy and daska.

Personally, I'd probably go with the similar job and staying put in the house you are already in. Especially as you say you love the job you have, but hate the office politics. Then I'd give the new job a few years and then reassess the need for part time, location etc.

There is your DH to consider in the equation too - he may need to relocate for work in the future. In fact, is your DH's job secure in the location he's in now? And what are his work options in the area you are in now, and also of the 'new' area you are considering? Obviously you don't need to answer on here, but it might be worth thinking about and help make up your mind either way.

conradmum

Pinkshoes, if you're thinking of going into teaching because it's a career that fits in better with having children (which I agree is the case), then consider the fact that you needn't go into teaching in state compulsory education. There is also adult, further, and higher education, and also teaching the private sector (where you don't have to be qualified).

Maths/science/technology teachers are in short supply in all areas, and these other sectors in education are probably a bit less stressful than teaching in state schools (you mention your current stress levels in your OP). Although teaching in FE is also quite stressful, I'd say. But there is a lot of flexibility regarding working hours in all of these sectors.

Why not look into teaching for the OU or doing some private tutoring for an agency so that you get an idea of what the job is like before making any major decisions?

thunderbird

onlyroz wrote: »

Give my child 4 years, you say? Name me one professional career that would let me take a 4-year break without penalty? If you cannot think of any (and I can't) then what you are saying is that women should not worry their pretty little heads with career aspirations, and should get back into the kitchen where she belongs.

Teaching for one. I know quite a few teachers who have taken a career to raise their children.

starjumper

pukkamum wrote: »

How can it not be the right thing to do?
Unless not working is going to put you on the breadline then what is the problem with staying at home?
Your children will only ever be young once and if you cannot give them just four years of your life then it is a very sad situation indeed.

Sorry just seen you said you would go under without it, but what is going under? Not being able to afford to eat or not being able to have luxuries, and by luxuries i mean a bigger than needed house, new car, holidays etc.

Yes it would put us on the breadline if I didn't work.

What's a luxury? We don't have holidays, we don't eat out, we barely drink, we don't smoke, we're frugal, we are debt free and mortgage free. My salary pays the bills and we've cut them right down.

Plus nursery does give my son things that I can't, I can't magic up a group of same age children for him to play with, we don't have all the toys they have at nursery, we don't have all the messy and creative play they have there, all linked to the early years curriculum. Oh I do lots of really lovely things with my boy but it would be cruel to take him out of nursery, he loves it!

pukkamum

Starjumper and pinkshoes i have started a thread and sent PM's to you re these posts please read x

thread link https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3807149

onlyroz

thunderbird wrote: »

Teaching for one. I know quite a few teachers who have taken a career to raise their children.

Do you know any headteachers or deputy heads / Senior teachers who have done this and walked straight back into their jobs after a 4-year break?

thunderbird

onlyroz wrote: »

Do you know any headteachers or deputy heads / Senior teachers who have done this and walked straight back into their jobs after a 4-year break?

Senior teacher who went back to job (diff school) - yes.

btw - I am not arguing that someone SHOULD take a career break, just saying that I don't think it is the end of a career if you do.

anguk

I think it's a question of what is right for you, we're all different, some love to stay at home to raise their children, some love to work, some need to work, there's no right or wrong way, it's what's right for your family that counts.

I personally stayed at home to raise my children, my choice and something I wouldn't compromise on, I wanted children, I wanted to raise them. It's meant I haven't had a career, I won't ever have the dream house and I've done without other things I would have liked but that was my choice, if others do choose to have the career and dream house that's their choice, it doesn't mean they're a bad parent.

I've had a full and happy life as have my children, I didn't stay in the house with no adult company and I also didn't spend my days sitting with other mothers talking about potty training or what each little darling had done that day. But not everyone is like me, some people either need or want to work and I wouldn't dream of saying they were wrong or my way was best.

I do think there seems to be a "them and us" attitude when it comes to raising children, some women who stay at home think that a working mother doesn't care as much and some working mothers think stay at home mums do nothing but mix with other mothers and change nappies. It seems like we're damned if we do and damned if we don't, if we work we're bad mothers for leaving our children, if we stay at home we're bad mothers for not giving our kids the stimulus of nursery and we're lazy. What annoys me the most is it's mothers having a go at other mothers, when the reality is all most of us want to do is raise happy, healthy children.

I will never understand the parents who have children then put them into nursery fulltime as infants then as soon as they're old enough they're off to boarding school. But then I'll never understand the parents who have children, stay at home and spend their time in front of the TV and the children are left to drag themselves up. Thankfully these are extreme examples and in the minority, most people want what's best for their kids and family.