Work/life dilemma - what would you do?

pinkshoes

I HATE my job. The work is great (challenging, interesting), but the management are awful, they treat us badly, and staff turnover is very high.

I NEED to leave, as it's not doing my stress levels any good, and it's a miserable place to work.

I work 3 days a week as I have a 15 month old, and I don't want to put him in nursery full time, as I don't feel this would benefit him, and feel 3 days a week is a good work/life balance.

There are LOTS of jobs going in my area in my field, but I have now discovered that they are all full time, and won't consider someone part time. It's male dominated, so no job share available, and part time just isn't the norm so not considered.

Saying that, I've potentially been offered a role at another company which would be a slight change in role, a pay cut, but a great company to work for and a job with LOTS of potential. This is looking like my ONLY option in my current field if I want to work part time.

Me and OH also live in a VERY expensive area, and we've been contemplating moving 30 minutes in the other direction to where he works, where £320k (our max budget) would buy us a fantastic detached family home.

Unfortunately, this potential new job is in the other direction to where we live now, so the commute would be WAY too far if we moved, ruling out the job, and thus me being able to change job.

I am also now contemplating a change in career, and re-train as a teacher, which I think I would really enjoy, and it would fit better with raising children. I do find the thought of re-training a bit daunting though!

So, what would you do?

A) Stay put living in expensive (but lovely) area and take the new job in same field, but accept that chances of having a dream family home would be zero?

Move further up north into a dream family home, and re-train as a teacher?

A property I own with an ex is about to be sold, so it means we could afford for me not to work and be a SAHM, but ultimately I really enjoy working, and would love to have a career. I also like the extra money it brings (I earn a good salary), which pays for nice family holidays.

balletshoes

I'd move and re-train.

msb5262

Hi OP,

The question of teaching fitting in better with raising children is a bit of a tricky one - in theory it does, but in practice I'm not so sure!
I've been a teacher since 1990 by the way, have 3 children all in their teens now and although having school holidays off is great, I spend at least 2 weeks in the summer holidays at school every year doing organisation and preparation.
I also work long hours at home every evening and every weekend...I think it would be better for my family if I had a job where the hours were the hours, if you see what I mean. I used to work part-time as a teacher and that was better, but obviously less well paid.
I love my job with a passion but the paperwork and the stress are starting to overwhelm me. It's not the same job as it used to be - you might want to consider very carefully before taking such a career leap.
By all means be a teacher if it's what you really burn to do....if not, maybe consider something else.
(In case you're wondering why I'm not at work now, my son is poorly so I'm home looking after him today)

Best of luck with your dilemma and whatever you do, make sure you enjoy your baby!

MsB

CH27

Are there or will there be many job vacanies in the teaching area you wish to train in?
I'm in the North West of England & know of several NQTs who can't get jobs at primary level.

fluffnutter

Are they your only two options? I'm still thinking through your post (there's a lot of information in there) but I'm trying to find other options. The first thought that springs to mind... is the area you were considering moving to (30 minutes away) the only cheaper area you'd consider? Are there other areas that allow you to buy a cheaper place but still offer a reasonable commute for both your OH and this new job you like the look of?

fluffnutter

Here's something to consider... studies have shown that people tend to overestimate how happy a particular house or area would make them feel, and underestimate how miserable the wrong job makes them. They also underestimate how miserable commuting is. People often move somewhere fabulous, believing it to be the answer to a perfect family life only to discover that the house makes little difference to their day to day happiness but the increased commute makes them miserable.

With this in mind then, I'd always advise someone to work in a job, particularly one with a short commute, that made them feel valued and not worry too much about the dream family house.

zzzLazyDaisy

To be honest, for me happiness is much more important than a 'dream home'. Your home is what you make it.

Could you compromise, go part-time and carry on doing the work you love, and put the money from the house you own with your ex to either doing up the house you have now, or towards moving to a new house.

Also would it be possible to move a little away from where you live now to a cheaper area, and commute?

Personally, I wouldn't retrain as a teacher unless it is your dream job. The hours are not as short as school hours and the amount of paperwork (often done at home in your own time) is pretty dire. You have to really love the work if you are going to be a teacher (in my view).

daska

Moving into a cheaper area closer to your OH work will have knock on benefits for all of you. As you say you can afford to work part time or be a SAHM why not try the new job (including commute) on the basis that you can keep looking for something closer to home OR, if it doesn't work out, retrain in what you really want to do (not just something you think you might enjoy). That will also have knock on benefits for all of you.

msb5262

Just popping back to say, if your job is making you really miserable, MAKE THE DECISION TO LEAVE. Promise yourself that by x date, you will no longer be in this situation, and make sure you follow through, one way or another. That way you won't lose your sanity!

MsB

fluffnutter

I'm still thinking about this one...

I think that your thoughts of re-training to be a teacher might well be in response to your unhappiness in your current job. It's very tempting when we hate our jobs to think 'Ooh, if I did *this* I'd be much happier'. *This* is invariably rather a drastic change which potentially involves huge upheaval! It's human nature to think the solution needs to be in proportion to the misery, e.g. the more miserable you are, the more drastic the solution needs to be, when in reality small changes bring about the most benefit.

Do you really want to be a teacher? How long have you thought this? If this has always been your dream then, of course, you should follow it. But I'd stick a bit closer to home, metaphorically speaking, and first consider a new job in the field you're currently employed in. You might find that this brings you the happiness and satisfaction you crave without the huge upheaval that re-training would mean.

pukkamum

Happiness and family life would always mean more to me than the 'extra's' that working pays for, i can understand it when bills or a mortgage needs paying but cannot understand leaving a baby simply for a better holiday, car etc, after all it is only a few years of going without the extras and will mean the world to you and your child after all work will always be there but your childs formative years you can never get back.

But it all comes down to the level of sacrifice you are willing to make.