Sister is pregnant at 16

LittleMissBride

My sister and family are in total shock, my baby sister has just found out she is 5 weeks pregnant. She claims her boyfriend and herself had first slept together in December, using protection. In the few days she has known she has come to the decision that she does not want an abortion. I am going to support her with any decision but my heart is breaking as I know her life is going to be put on hold for a while now. What I am asking is has anyone any experience of this? How did you support them? Or are there any support groups out there for such young mums? She's so scared, as you can imagine. Her boyfriend's family are not on the scene at the moment because he fell out with them (not sure why?) and he is living with my Mum and sister, so the situation is a total mess.

eyelinerprincess

No advice, I'm afraid, just that if she doesn't want an abortion, you'll just have to support her.

These things can work out well, though. I know someone who had a baby aged 15, 10 years later, she and her OH are married with another child.

ikkle87

She will get some support from her social worker hun who should be able to advise of any support groups etc in your area. Maybe your family could write a list of questions to ask, the midwife may also be able to help answer some of these.

The best thing you can do is support her, pregnancy can be a scary time at any age xx

KiKi

My 17 year old niece fell pregnant, and had the baby. He's a gorgeous little boy and she's a great mum.

She lives with her boyfriend (the father) in a flat together; he works full time and she did distance learning study whilst she was pregnant now works part time in a nursery herself. She gets a lot of support (practical and emotional) from her mum and grandparents, and they have helped her out financially. But she's done well for herself, and the little one is just about to turn 2.

It can work out, and it can also make them grow up quickly and take responsibility if they have the right support around them.

It's a fine balance of supporting without interfering or taking over, making it known you're there for her without taking away from the fact that this is her responsibility to deal with. When the baby's arrived, you'll never know how you lived without that little one being around!

KiKi

JodieMasonMummy

Hi i have first hand experiance of this
I'd been with my boyfriend 3 years was on the implant didn't have periods so didn't I was pregnant I found out 10+ weeks?:eek:

Now at this point i think no-one should tell her what to do only that If they are willing to help / stand by her .

I was in college I had to tell them.. at one point i got given a lift key to stop bumps on stairs and corridoors, I also had leeway with days off or coming in late with appointments etc.


In Manchester they have support workers called young parent workers who work with up to 21 year olds they had groups about parenting, with a midwife, going to view the hospital, development of the child also they help with housing assesing what benefits would/could be intitled to, so its deffo worth having a look round your area for these type of workers.

its not the end of her life nor does her life have to be put on pause I proved everyone wrong who told me I was ruining my life I stayed and finished my college course when I was 38 weeks pregnant!

xx

VfM4meplse

Well your sister is taking a shortcut to adulthood, but she seems to be taking responsibility for her actions.

LittleMissBride wrote: »

Her boyfriend's family are not on the scene at the moment because he fell out with them (not sure why?) and he is living with my Mum and sister, so the situation is a total mess.

Out of interest, is he offering her support? Do they have any idea what to expect when the baby arrives, and all the hard work it involves? Have they even thought about the financial side?

The next 7 months or so need to be spent preparing for the reality of the situation. I wish her luck.

Gigglepig

It is good that your sister has you to support her.

If she's just 5 weeks I'd try to give her as much information as possible so she can make an informed decision. Abortion, keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption - it is her choice but she needs information.

Regarding support groups I think that would be a good idea, have you tried a google search for your local area. Some times it is easier to get help from someone outside the family.

Regarding family support - it sounds like the dad's family may not be of much help. Is your mum happy to take on this responsibility or is it likely to end in tears? If your sister is only 15 a lot of work and responsibility is likely to fall on her family. Her mum should let her know where she stands in terms of what support to expect.

VikkiiKawaii

Hi, I'm in a similar situation myself although I'm seventeen now. The main thing you can do is offer her support. If she's sure about keeping the baby then she needs to do her booking in appointment ect. The other thing I would really recommend is finding out if your area has a 'teenage pregnancy midwife' as I've found mine really helpful and supportive (she's currently helping me to sort out financial and housing based issues).

flowertotmum

Hi..its a shock isn't it..one of my girls fell pregnant at 16..me and her dad were a little surprised but told her we would be there for her what ever she decided to do...support and comfort is the best thing to do..just be there for her..like my dd she will be scared and probably very worried about how everyone is going to look at her. Be a big sister and just support her. My dd had her baby a beautiful little girl and is now 4 and a half..her and her boyfriend are still together and having another baby..its been hard for them but we are always there for them.
ftm

jobiec

Hi just thought I'd tell you of my experiences. I found myself pregnant at 16, I was very late actually realising or probably more to the point accepting the situation. I was 22 weeks before actually telling anyone or getting any medical input.

This was many years ago, my son is now grown up. It was hard going, I had lots of support from my family (my son's father was not very helpful I'm afraid but that's another story) I managed to work and study with my parents helping with childcare and eventually qualified to be a teacher. My son himself is at uni and is, if I say so myself, a good lad.

It will be hard for your sister if she decides that she will keep the baby but it isn't going to completely ruin her life, it'll just change it's course slightly. The best thing that you can all do is support her emotionally both now and when baby comes. Try to let her take resposiblity but also still be a teenager at times, a night out with her friends will make all the difference.

Hope all goes well

maman

Sadly, all the OP can do is be there for her sister whether you agree with her decision or not. She may be no more than a child herself but the decision is hers.

I know there are lots of 'happy ending' stories from teenage mums but if anyone in that position asked my opinion I'd definitely go for termination. I haven't any religious views on the matter but respect those who have. I know people who have made the decsion either way. The one who went for the termination at 16, carried on through school to college and university and now has a great job and her own house. She went on to have a child at 28. The other had one child at 18, then another. She's on her third home, two flats and now a brand new three bedroom house. She worked for a short while but gave up when her eldest went to school as she no longer needed the workplace creche. Obviously (or maybe not obviously) taxpayers are funding the latter.

As I said, decision is hers.