Sister is pregnant at 16

thatgirlsam

Oh and the Care to Learn scheme provides help with childcare costs should she wish to continue her education

Person_one

For some teenagers a pregnancy is the worst thing that could happen to them, for some it can turn out to be the best. We don't know your sister so we can't really say whether it would be better for her to carry on with the pregnancy, but what I would suggest is letting her know that none of you will think any less of her if she doesn't and that she has some time to really think things through and come to a decision. You don't want her to make a knee jerk decision to keep the baby and then feel like she can't change her mind.

What kind of future was your sister planning before this? Was she thinking of university or college? Did she want to travel, to have a particular career or to live independently doing as she chooses for a few years with no responsibilities? I think its important that she understand the reality of how much the baby will affect her life and her plans, it doesn't make them impossible but it makes them a lot harder.

Also, being a teenage mum can be very isolating. Her friends will all be there to coo over the baby at first but they aren't likely to be interested for very long, they'll stop visiting and get on with their own lives, eventually going off to uni or starting their careers etc. She'd be sacrificing an awful lot.

This sounds like I want you to convince her to terminate, that's not really what I'm saying, more that I think its really important that she has a realistic view of what single teenage motherhood is actually like before she makes the decision, so many young girls seem to have a very romanticised view that just isn't how it is!

Gillyx

Person_one wrote: »

so many young girls seem to have a very romanticised view that just isn't how it is!

I'm not a "young" girl per say but right now I couldn't even take my baby out the house, as he screams and screams for hours on end, when people come to visit it's impossible to have a conversation as we can't be heard over him, and people leave pretty sharp-ish after they come to visit. I'm with my partner but I'm finding motherhood painstakingly lonely, as there are times when my OH is at work/uni, and no one is around, it's just me and him, he's so little yet, he doesn't really respond to anything I do.

In saying that, it is rewarding and I wouldn't change him for the world, but I'd say in these first few weeks, it's very difficult.

ikkle87

Apologies for the confusion I meant a social support worker like at sure start etc not social services. My cousin doesnt like it cos she feels she's not a teen as is nearly 18. Not a social worker from social services Sorry for the confusion x

Has she seen the doctor as they will be know of any local places who can help.

I also think the person telling her to get rid is downright rude. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything.

Op do you have a youth centre locally? They may also be able to offer support x

LittleMissBride

Thank you everyone (well nearly everyone!) for your support and wealth of information. It is her choice to not have an abortion, and I respect that decision, as does the family. We have sat down and talked to her about how everything will change, from education to relationships with friends. Her boyfriend works full-time and said he will support and baby no matter what, who am I to say whether it will last or not, nothing is ever permanent.

She is attending the doctors this week, I will be going with her along with our Mum too. She did ask me to be with her every step of the way as due to mental health reasons our Mum is not as strong as she could be. This leads onto where my sister will stay. We also discussed the possibilty of her and her boyfriend living with my husband, children and myself. Although it would be a bit of a squeeze, we do have the room, but it obviously can't be forever.

And to 'property.advert', you are disgusting. My sister is hard-working in school, her boyfriend works full-time (shock-horror!)She had college and university planned and is not some girl who is going to 'spew' babies out. Not sure why I am justifying this situation to you but stop and think before you are so utterly vile.

Anyway, back to the situation, I will be sure to ask about a midwife who specialises in teenage pregnancies..and a big tahnk you for all the inspirational stories, they are very much appreciated xx

LittleMissBride

I will also ask about a social support worker too, thank you x

Person_one

Not my decision to make, but I would NOT take them in. If they're going to be parents they need to be adults, and that won't happen with mum or grown up sister looking out for them all the time.

I'd try to help them find somewhere to live just the two of them so they can start the rapid maturing process they're going to have to go through as soon as possible.

Of course you'll support her, but the baby will be entirely their responsibility and their job to take care of. I've seen teenage mums end up more like big sisters to their children because their mums take on so much of the care for them.

LittleMissBride

Interesting point 'Person_one', and not one I have considered. You are right, taking them in may be more of a hinderence. Thank you for your feedback x

Person_one

LittleMissBride wrote: »

Interesting point 'Person_one', and not one I have considered. You are right, taking them in may be more of a hinderence. Thank you for your feedback x

Everybody's different of course, but you don't want to find yourself doing half the night feeds, changing half the nappies, letting your little sister lie in all the time, entertaining the baby while she's on facebook (slight stereotype there, sorry) and effectively parenting the baby as well as your own children and your sister!

I'm not saying abandon her, but helping her learn to cope on her own is more valuable than 'rescuing' her if that makes sense?

LittleMissBride

I totally understand where you're coming from Person_one, and you are right. If I'm totally honest, there would be the risk of me taking over as I still view her as my baby sister (12 year age gap!) I need to re-address that view! Thank you for your opinion, it's really helped.